To stay or go

[Starlightshinebright]

Please only respond if you have had a 20 year plus relationship
have teenage children
have a non abusive relationship

Situation as above.
husband has no conversation skills.
No depth .
No dreams or hopes.
Is kind.
accepts me as I am.
can’t cope when anything in life becomes challenging in our dynamics
is often grumpy if I’m not happy
is very funny /quick witted
I am generally happy but as soon as life gets rough I become aware he has zero depth.
sounds mean. I know I’m far from perfect.
but i have lost an idea of what is a relationship / normal!

yabu - your crazy ! This is as good as it gets!
unbu -I couldn’t cope with no depth. I need connection - marriage is more than surface
level

Wandering how I can make this post more likely to receive responses ? It prob doesn’t feel an important question ….. but I could really use some one to answer 😔

I don’t know what you mean when you say no depths.

In a similar aged relationship, most of our chat is humorous stuff, he has an absolute shit of a job and is emotionally wrecked by the end of the day, so we don’t often have big chats about emotional things. That’s fine by me.

He can step up in horrible circumstances though, can your husband not? Do you feel a bit like it’s all on you as a result?

I think long term relationships are different, the big ups and downs you have at the start aren’t there, neither are the big all night heart to hearts. I kind of like that. My husband is the only person where I can say a couple of words to and it’ll generate a memory of the funny thing that happened when we were both 20. I’d hate to lose that common history. But it’s not intense any more! That’s totally natural.

Is that what you’re referring to or does he literally never talk to you?

If you are asking the question then surely that is enough
I think your unhappiness will just grow
would you be happier on your own? I know I am
You sound like you need more from a relationship than he is able to give
Could you find fulfilment in other ways - different hobbies, new friends, studying that would make enough of a difference or do you just feel that you have ‘settled’?
My situation is very different as I live alone and my children are now grown up but I ended my last long term live together relationship when DC were teens and have never looked back

Can you give an example of ‘dreams’ or ‘hopes’?

what kind of depth are you talking about?

our conversations are about the kids, uk politics (not much more than ‘can you fucking believe it’) and, I don’t know. Just stuff?

I don’t rely on him to make me completely fulfilled. Kids and close friendships play a big role in my life.

We agree on key things (children, money, politics) but definitely talking v important to us both.
Also have time away separately with friends / doing our own interests.

What do you actually talk about where you say there's no depth?

Did he ever have conversation skills? Has he become lazy or have you changed your ideas about what you want?

Is there someone turning your head?

Do you want to be having deep meaningful chats about life, the universe and everything. Because we don’t have those very much. We chat about day to day stuff mostly. I don’t know if that’s because our relationship is pretty smooth most of the time.

I have to say you don’t sound like you like him very much. Or enjoy his company. I think that’s more of a fundamental problem to be honest.