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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Haven’t told work I’m pregnant

28 replies

whentotellwork · 25/10/2022 19:57

I’m 21 weeks but mostly remote and can still hide it.

I don’t want to tell them - I won’t be entitled to company Mat leave as I only joined this year and will likely leave right before the baby arrives as I am in a country that means I only get 6 weeks unpaid and personally for me, that’s too soon to consider going back.

I have the added complication that my boss is going through IVF and this pregnancy is a surprise, I won’t say that obviously but it will also look bad if it was planned so soon after joining.

Have I left it so long they will be angry?

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 25/10/2022 19:58

I will never understand why some women guard their pregnancies like a state secret, hiding it brings no benefits and just seems dishonest.

Original poster
whentotellwork · 25/10/2022 19:59

@Cuppasoupmonster because I didn’t want to get fired?

OP posts:
ComeonoverValerie · 25/10/2022 20:01

If you're planning on leaving, there's no need to tell your manager. Just hand in your notice before your baby is due.

polkadotclip · 25/10/2022 20:02

Well if you're going to leave, and can continue to hide it, you can just tell them when you give notice.

The issue is, what if they find out before that and you haven't told them? How long is your notice period?

Move22 · 25/10/2022 20:03

I don’t understand the voting.
You’re absolutely fine to keep it quiet, I was in an office and didn’t tell until I was 19/20 weeks.

Cuppasoupmonster · 25/10/2022 20:03

whentotellwork · 25/10/2022 19:59

@Cuppasoupmonster because I didn’t want to get fired?

Can they fire you just for being pregnant? Where are you?

Mindymomo · 25/10/2022 20:04

I think you should tell them soon so they have time to recruit someone to cover your maternity period or replace you if you are not considering returning afterwards. You could mention that you left it until your 20 week scan to tell them.

Messyplayallday · 25/10/2022 20:04

You mention you’re in a country where you only get 6 weeks unpaid so probably where I am too.
I told my manager I was pregnant with my 1st and I had the delightful job of training my replacement when I was 5 months pregnant and then fired at 6 months. I live in an “at will” state so it was affective immediately.
if I could have a do over I wouldn’t have told them until I was 8 months pregnant.

so I say - don’t tell

Needtimeandspace · 25/10/2022 20:06

Are you in the U.S? If so, YANBU.

littleaprilshower · 25/10/2022 20:06

If your leaving anyway don't tell them just hand in your notice when you intend to. I wouldn't risk getting fired before I was ready to go either.

Dacadactyl · 25/10/2022 20:08

If my employer could fire me for being pregnant id be lying through my teeth about it.

You dont owe them shit. Do whats best for you and the baby.

TooHotToRamble · 25/10/2022 20:12

You don't owe them anything. Especially if you think they would fire you because you are pregnant! They obviously don't give a shit about you and aren't worried about making you angry!

Put it off as long as possible.

If they are angry that's their look out. Your priority needs to be you as they certainly won't be looking out for you. And likelihood is that you'll never see these people again after you leave....

Lcb123 · 25/10/2022 20:12

Given your situation I’d just wait and hand your notice in. Doesn’t make any difference if you’re pregnant or not then!

kitcat15 · 25/10/2022 20:12

Messyplayallday · 25/10/2022 20:04

You mention you’re in a country where you only get 6 weeks unpaid so probably where I am too.
I told my manager I was pregnant with my 1st and I had the delightful job of training my replacement when I was 5 months pregnant and then fired at 6 months. I live in an “at will” state so it was affective immediately.
if I could have a do over I wouldn’t have told them until I was 8 months pregnant.

so I say - don’t tell

Makes me glad I’m British….for all the shit show we have going on at the moment ….as employees , we are pretty well protected….well in the nhs where I work we are

VladmirsPoutine · 25/10/2022 20:16

How long can you feasibly hide it because if your plan was to leave then pregnancy is neither here nor there. 6 weeks is pretty shit though!

mummyh2016 · 25/10/2022 20:19

No advice but I'm horrified at so little rights you have, what country are you in??

AFineBalance · 25/10/2022 20:21

Which country are you in? What notice period does job have from your side and employer? Are you legally obliged to tell employer? (In UK you are required to tell them by 24 weeks but you have protections against being fired)

Original poster
whentotellwork · 25/10/2022 20:23

@Messyplayallday yes, I am in the US and also in an at will state so that is a big concern for me - I could be fired immediately realistically.

OP posts:
Original poster
whentotellwork · 25/10/2022 20:25

@AFineBalance no notice period -either side can end the employment ‘at will’ even if I’d been there years.

2 weeks is considered courteous

OP posts:
steff13 · 25/10/2022 20:26

whentotellwork · 25/10/2022 20:23

@Messyplayallday yes, I am in the US and also in an at will state so that is a big concern for me - I could be fired immediately realistically.

I live in an at-will state, and pregnancy is still a protected characteristic.

Original poster
whentotellwork · 25/10/2022 20:28

@steff13 ok thank you that is really useful to know!

OP posts:
Unseelie · 25/10/2022 20:55

Cuppasoupmonster · 25/10/2022 19:58

I will never understand why some women guard their pregnancies like a state secret, hiding it brings no benefits and just seems dishonest.

How naive are you?! Many women get fired or demoted as soon as they tell their employer. A friend of mine got made ‘redundant’ the next day. She can’t afford lawyers.

As my old boss said “This department does not ‘do’ pregnant women so let me know if you want to move to X or Y and I’ll arrange it.” It was a simple office job.

Messyplayallday · 25/10/2022 21:20

@steff13 im so pleased for you :-D that’s really great. I thought mine was too but if you believe my managers they said it was performance related and nothing to do with being pregnant. Except I just had a promotion 2 weeks before telling them and after 6 months I was asked to return as many of the students I worked with all left and they hoped they would return if I did. Not sure how they fired me for performance!

@whentotellwork is there anyone recently who left to have a baby you could reach out to?

mdh2020 · 25/10/2022 21:44

With my first pregnancy my colleagues guessed immediately so everyone knew. With the second, I decided not to tell but had to come clean at about 4 months as my boss called me in to talk about a reorganisation and promotion.

AFineBalance · 25/10/2022 22:42

YADNBU
if your workers rights are unprotected then you have to play the game. Good luck to you and all those pregnant in the US.

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