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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be resentful of Dh sat there even though he’s working?

17 replies

Trave · 25/10/2022 19:33

When I’m struggling with kids at the end of a long day …. I get in from picking them up from nursery, out of the car, cats wanting to be fed, kids wanting to be fed, drinks, noses wiped, one wants to play in the garden, meanwhile DH sat on his laptop.

i know it’s unfair of me but gives me absolute fury, anyone else?

OP posts:
Notagain12 · 25/10/2022 19:35

Can kind of relate but I assume you chose that? He goes to work you’re a SAHM? When he finishes work does he help you?

parenting is a never ending job but if he helps when he’s done working, he works constantly too.

Original poster
Trave · 25/10/2022 19:38

I work too, but I finish before him.

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 25/10/2022 19:41

I suppose WFH means he can do his bit during the normal commute time and won't be popping into the gym/pub on his way home.

Ofcourse if he switches the laptop off and turns the TV on to relax whilst you are still taking care of the children, pets and doing dinner then you've got a different problem.

BeaLea · 25/10/2022 19:43

I wfh on my laptop while my DH does a manual job. I actually feel a bit guilty about it, even though I'm obviously still working when he's doing things around the house.

Dailymash · 25/10/2022 19:49

But if he was working out of the home he wouldn’t be helping with the chaos either so while it must be frustrating to see him “sat on his laptop” he is actually working. What happens when he finishes work for the day?

Notagain12 · 25/10/2022 19:50

Trave · 25/10/2022 19:38

I work too, but I finish before him.

Ah ok.. still though, he’s still working when you’ve finished and does he help you when he’s finished?

theremustonlybeone · 25/10/2022 19:50

The funny thing is that he wont be working all day . I bet he sits there making sure you do all the kid stuff around whilst he suggests he is working. When in fact its avoidance. I wfh. I spend 3hrs in meetings and calls and the rest doing reports and stuff. I sometimes do the reports once kids in bed so I can get them sorted. If your working and doing everything else it sounds like he is hiding behind his laptop

Flagshitstore · 25/10/2022 19:52

Well if he was in the office then you couldn’t see him. Did it annoy you then?

I am presuming there are underlying issues about his lack of weight pulling that manifest itself in this irrational anger.

Willowrose63 · 25/10/2022 19:53

I completely get it! My husband has been full time wfh since March 2020 including over my mat leave. It used to give me the absolute rage when I was struggling away with baby and he was just 'sitting' there! Not the most rational but 😛

Willowrose63 · 25/10/2022 19:55

He does go into the office occasionally and it is much less annoying!

friedgreentomatopop · 25/10/2022 19:55

Trave · 25/10/2022 19:33

When I’m struggling with kids at the end of a long day …. I get in from picking them up from nursery, out of the car, cats wanting to be fed, kids wanting to be fed, drinks, noses wiped, one wants to play in the garden, meanwhile DH sat on his laptop.

i know it’s unfair of me but gives me absolute fury, anyone else?

Can you he not start working earlier in the day so that he can be done to help you with the kids at dinner etc?

Original poster
Trave · 25/10/2022 19:56

@Willowrose63 haha me too!

OP posts:
lawandgin · 25/10/2022 20:03

@Trave and @Willowrose63 me three!

Ohhhhladz · 25/10/2022 20:03

Is he sitting in a common area while all of this is going on around him, or are you just irritated knowing he's in the house? If he's hard at work and can't take a break, it's surprising he doesn't want to go into his home office (or at least another room if he doesn't have an office).

Have you asked if he can juggle his schedule a bit so he does some of the tasks that build up in the afternoon? Even if he has a scheuled daily meeting that he can't miss (or reschedule) at exactly that time, perhaps he could take a break a bit earlier and feed the cat so she's settled when you and the children get home? Or plan to make a snack for the children as soon as he's off his call, so you can say they just have to wait fifteen minutes and Dad will feed them?

wordler · 25/10/2022 20:33

Evaluate all your home chores and tasks including all the kid stuff - are you roughly equal (in a way that's fair based on your paid work hours - ie if one person is part-time and the other full-time I assume the home chores load is balanced)

If the home stuff is uneven you need to get him to step up and do more stuff.

If it's just that you get too many tasks to handle at once when you're home and he's still working then get him to take some of those off your hands earlier in the day. He can feed the cat earlier in the day. He can get snacks ready and laid out so that as you get home you can just give them to the kids without having to prepare them. He can do dinner prep etc.

SleeplessinSalisbury · 25/10/2022 20:43

Ok, this thread is making me think that maybe it's me not pulling my weight then!

Devoutspoken · 25/10/2022 20:45

Yes, he should help out at the pinch points, knob

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