To not enjoy second dc as much

[Flowerpicker1]

So my 2nd dc is 11 months and if he isn't held or given 100 percent undivided attention he cries and whinges and grumbles. All. Day. Every. Day. Without fail.

My 1st dc never ever acted like this. I'm struggling so much as I cant get anything done and if I sit with them both he climbs up me and whinges and cries until I hold him then wants to get down and starts up the fussing all over again. It's exhausting and sapping my joy.

I've heard others on here say to mums 'you might have pnd, babies do cry you know' and I know that but all the time? maybe I do have pnd but I feel like if that's the case then my pnd is child specific as opposed to hormones.

Anyone have a baby like this? I feel like it's starting to effect my bond with him. Do you get past this once they grow up (and hopefully they cry and fuss a bit less)?

Maybe your first DC didn't do this because they had your undivided attention? Second children can be a bit more demanding, but then they have to make a bit more noise/fuss to avoid being overlooked - plus they have the ever-present threat of a rival for your attention!

But yes, it definitely definitely will get better - it feels like it will go on forever, but this phase will pass.

It seems like the climbing-whinging-wanting-to-get-down-wanting-to-get-up has evolved into a bit of a "game" for want of a better word. Is there any way of redirecting him or breaking the cycle? Maybe by standing up or changing the activity whenver he's getting into that pattern?

Do you have any support of any other childcare options to give you a break or even so you can have some 1-1 time with each of them. I wouldn’t jump to PND on what youve said - I just think it sounds fecking hard work!!! I think you need some help so you don’t have to deal with this day in day out and can get some respite… is it possible the second DC has something that’s making them uncomfortable- ear ache or teeth or stomach ache.. long shot but maybe. If not then I just think get some help so you can survive and feel less shit!! You sound like a great mother. You have the patience of a Saint.. I’d have cracked! Good luck to you Xxxx

Ah, welcome to peak separation anxiety time! Yes roughly 11-14 months is incredibly hard for many babies 😬 this is when their brain develops enough to understand that it’s possible that when you leave you might not come back. They’re like 😱😱

I used a sling a lot at this age and got feck all done really. Was so hard. I couldn’t cook without him on my back, or he cried. Seems to be worst with boys.

It will get better!!! In only a few months! DS did stay very sensitive and easily upset by things, but he is also the most loving well behaved child ever.

Thanks all for your replies appreciate and needed it. My partner said the thing about attention and perhaps there is something to it. But I can only spread myself so far.
Glad to hear it gets better!!

My second DS was the hardest of my 3 kids. He cried all the time, it was incredibly tough and I didn’t enjoy my mat leave, especially as I didn’t have many local friends at that point. I was actually relieved to get back to work, to meet friends and eat a meal with 2 hands, drink a hot cup of tea. He was still waking 2-3 times a night. It did get better, and I’ll tell you that since it got better he never caused me a day’s trouble. Incredibly bright, self motivated, talented in everything. Likeable, modest and polite. He’s just gone off to Uni a month ago and I’m really missing him. I like to think that that first year was all the childhoods turmoil rolled into one and then I got an easy ride!

Seriously though it does get better. See your GP as they might be able to help. Speak to family, will someone help out a few hours per week? Make sure you get a break, either with friends or just go and do something alone, shopping etc.

Not an answer but a possible solution. Buy a sling and wrap them in it so they are in you but hands are free, you can then get things done whilst they are carried. Might save your sanity a little x

I feel like this. My second is 9 months and has got less frustrated since being able to crawl and, crucially, get back to sitting from crawling.

I feel like it's so much harder than the first time round! How can that be?!

@shortfrench i feel for you. I don't know. I don't particularly find the work harder just the temperament of my 2nd. He's such hard work
I often wonder if he came along first whether I would find it as hard I guess because I know all babies don't moan and cry all day it makes it even tougher to take at times

I often say I would have had a second if the first had been so hard! But then again maybe I just can't remember how hard the first was!

But then the second laughs or does something cute and all is forgiven for 5 mins until he starts winding me up again

My first was as you describe your second. My second (I was of the view another couldn't be any harder...!) was a relative dream. It's probably just temperament unfortunately. Once my first could talk he got a lot easier, and he's now 11, bright and driven, and never gives me or anyone else any trouble so it won't last forever!

They can change so much in a few years. For me child no.1 was an easy baby. I remember googling ‘why doesn’t my child cry’ and freaking myself out. She was placid and chilled until she hit 3. She was then very verbal and emotional, lots of door slamming and raging against the unfairness of the world a la a teenager, very jealous of the younger one etc. Child no.2 was clingy, sickly and extremely demanding as a baby and young toddler. I found managing two so hard and just felt like I was in a whirlwind. Their challenging phases seemed to coincide together alongside lockdown.

Fast forward a few years, child no.1 needs attention constantly and is prone to being quite dramatic but is a model child at school. Child no.2 is much more easy going - still clingy at bedtime but will play on her own and 95% of the time is an angel. The other 5% she’s a bit naughty but is a more straightforward character.

There is a good chance that your demanding baby will turn into a chilled little person like mine has and you’ll start to enjoy things a bit more again.