Man room or play room?

[iammother]

We have two sitting room type spaces, one a thoroughfare to the rest of the house, the other a large study set off to the side. DH constantly moans about toys taking over the sitting room. I have suggested built-in storage in the study so that it can become a playroom for DC when a bit bigger (currently 1 and 3). We could keep the desk, Chesterfield sofa etc so it could be a study too when needed (v rare, neither of us WFH).

This suggestion has been met with outrage because the study space is his 'man room' and he wants to put a drinks cabinet in there etc, use it as a man space for friends to come over, read the paper on a Sunday. (Things that never actually happen so the room just sits there largely unused except as a dumping ground for stuff).

My point is it could be both with the built in storage, the toys could be tidied away in the evening if required or brought in to the sitting room to play with (I absolutely don't want the children shut away playing alone) or we could simply play with them in the 'play room'.

Is it me? Or is it entirely reasonable to baulk at the idea of a whole room being kept for the use of DH once or twice per week now we have two young children?!

"Certainly darling, where is my wo man cave going?"

Space is for all the family. He doesn't get to pick a room and dominate it.

Make it a play room and get a drinks cabinet in the living room? But really, a man room?!!!

Can I ask too, where is your room? Do you get a room to put all your 'woman' stuff in?

No way. If you don't get a room he doesn't get a room.

Hate the concept. Tell him he can put nuts magazine calanders up in the garage or participate in family life like an adult.

Can the "man room" become the adult sitting room? The completely child free zone that you can both relax in

@PuttingDownRoots this has also been suggested but the main sitting room is the one closest to the kitchen and dining room, with a big fireplace, wood burner, the TV fits in there etc. It's cosier in the evenings. Fully admit I want my own way here and it is my vision of what works best.

The best thing we ever did was dedicate a room to a playroom. We banked one wall with storage meaning everything could be tidied away but equally lots of toys mid play could be left out. Any toys brought through to the lounge to play with could be moved back to the play room at the end of the day.

It has evolved over the years but has always been a space for the children. Dh does have a dedicated office in the house but he actually uses it even before lockdown and since.

Rooms are based on needs. I would say your children's needs outweigh your Dh's at this point.

I think using 'man room' is a bit tongue-in-cheek (with an undertone of seriousness). There's no Nuts calendars, it's more about fancy coffee table aspirations, wing backed chair vibes.

But no wo-man cave for me indeed. If I say that I'm reminded how much more wardrobe space I have than him and that I got to pick the curtain material through the house.

Playroom. There is nothing in what he has said that he wants to use it for, that can't be done in the sitting room, surely (reading the paper, seeing friends). Bit unfair if he gets a room and you don't

Fully admit I want my own way here and it is my vision of what works best.

The difference is that your vision benefits the whole family whereas his only benefits him! Don't back down, it's family space and you should all get to use it.

@Rubyuesaini this is exactly what I think. How you've described it is perfect.

We built an extension for a playroom for dd

i say it’s hers 7/7 and dh the other 7/7

@DrinkFeckArseBrick @Delilahonabike thank you yes! I feel validated.

I think the issue is that we bought and renovated the house pre-DC and that room was decorated as the sophisticated adult social space (also now want to do away with the 2017 wall in dark blue paint too) but we never actually got to 'finish' furnishing it. Now our need for that room has evolved into something different.

it can be a playroom for the next few years and when the kids outgrow it, it can be a man cave.

He can read the paper in the living room.

So there's 4 people in the house and he wants 50% of the living space to be exclusively his? And to also have a share of the remaining space, obviously.

We have a playroom which we also use when the kids are in bed. All the board games for example are kept down there and its got a tv/music/games console. After a few drinks, I quite like rearranging the playmobil.

If he wants toys out of the sitting room, what's his suggestion for where they go?

I would just tell him it is happening. Your children are very young, you will add a lot of toys to their stash over the next 10 years. Having storage to be able to house that and feel like the room is tidy is simply brilliant. We had books, board games, jigsaws, all the fruit and veg for the market with the little till and the play kitchen and the shopping basket. All their craft stuff from paper, paints, glue, scissors that cut patterns, crayons, pencil crayons, felt tips, pop up tents etc. Apart from the very large items we could put all these things away.

I think your Dh needs a reality check as to how much stuff they will have. If he is annoyed at it now, imagine what it will be in 5 years time. It is the best thing we ever did. The storage is used for other things now but I would not be without it.

My experience is that toys get smaller as children grow. Those big toddler toys won't be there forever. They will migrate to their bedrooms in a few years as well.
Two things stand out.

1. Toys are everywhere. Get lots of storage. Allow 1/3 of toys out and put the rest in loft or garage for a month. Then rotate.
2. You don't use a whole room at the moment. Unless your house is huge I think every room needs to be used. I would just furnish it as a sitting room and use it. It doesn't need to "belong" to just children or just adults.

The other benefit of a play room is that bedrooms are purely for sleeping so no getting up in the middle of the night to play with toys. It also means play dates aren't rampaging all over the house if there are no toys upstairs.

We have a similar setup. The additional room has office stuff one side and sofa/tv/storage other side.
So older kids can be in that room with friends, toys can be in there and dh has the space when wfh. Works well.