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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Staying in for parcel collection - AIBU?

22 replies

Oceanblue042 · 25/10/2022 13:41

Had a little argument with DP last night. We needed to return a parcel and he'd booked a parcel collection for tomorrow without asking me first, assuming I'd be in all day (as I work from home). He has to go into the office 3 days this week so it would be me who'd have to stay in tomorrow. I couldn't find parcel collection times, and we weren't sure if Royal Mail send a text in the morning to tell us a time window for collection, so we assumed I had to stay in potentially all day.

I told him I planned to go for a run at some point tomorrow, and I don't want to have to stay in all day if they don't give us a smaller time window and if they end up collecting
late. I told him to cancel the collection, and that I will drop it off at the post office this morning instead (as I needed to pop to the post office anyway today). He called me a spoilt brat, asked why I couldn't run yesterday or today instead (today I had to go to the post office and do a couple of things in town, plus I have full time work; yesterday I didn't want to run as I've had a busy weekend) and he stormed off.

I now think Royal Mail do text you in the morning, but at the time neither of us had any idea, so the assumption was that we wouldn't know, and it could be at any time until like 5pm or something. In the end, he managed to change it and I've dropped it off this morning at the post office.

For info, he works in the office 3 days this week, which is round the corner from the post office (where he could have dropped off the parcel himself). He also works from home one day this week so could have picked that day.
I am also expected to do most of the housework like washing dishes, laundry, keeping the house tidy because he says that I am at home all day (note that I work from home full time). I am the one who takes DC to the doctors, dentist, I sort out almost everything for DD, not because I want to do it all but because my (full-time) work is more flexible than his. I do all the cooking too (that bit I am fine with). He says that I acted like a spoilt brat because I wanted to run (it's the "wanting to" bit that made me spoilt, apparently). Sometimes I feel like I'm not appreciated enough in the house and that he takes a lot for granted, but then when we try to discuss this and how I feel, we always get into an argument. For example, he might mention that he has to go into the office 3 days a week whereas I am at home all day so he can't do housework whereas I can because I am at home ALL DAY.

Was I acting like a spoilt brat and WIBU to not want to stay in, and to ask him to change it so I drop the parcel off at the post office instead?

OP posts:

HopScotchBump · 25/10/2022 13:59

Not unreasonable at all - this would really annoy me. Offering to drop it off should have been a great solution!

FWIW, Royal Mail generally collect when they deliver, so if you have an idea of when your postie usually delivers to you, it's them who will collect from you, too (at least it is for us) - hope that's a little helpful!

Howyiz · 25/10/2022 14:01

So, the next day he is working from home give him a list of jobs since he is 'home all day'.

Honestly, why women put up with this level of horse shit is beyond me! Do ye have no self respect?

xogossipgirlxo · 25/10/2022 14:02

You can leave it in safe place, so they can collect it from there, just FYI. But yeah, your partner should have checked it with you. My husband often books collection while I'm at home, but I always say I can't guarantee I'll be sitting by the door like a guarding dog waiting for someone to show up, so if I'm in the shower or out to the shop, it's not my problem really.

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 25/10/2022 14:36

If you were at the post office today anyway why didn't you take it with you?

Original poster

Oceanblue042 · 25/10/2022 14:55

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 25/10/2022 14:36

If you were at the post office today anyway why didn't you take it with you?

I offered to take it to the post office with me this morning, he wasn't happy that I was asking him to cancel the collection, but after some arguing, he cancelled it and I dropped the parcel off this morning (which is what I offered to do in the first place). All worked out, but I'm questioning whether I was being unreasonable by not wanting to stay in all day in the first place.

OP posts:

Original poster

Oceanblue042 · 25/10/2022 14:55

Thanks for everyone's RM collection advice - I did think they'd probably collect when they deliver, but there wasn't much info on the website. Good to know for next time 🙂

OP posts:

bringincrazyback · 25/10/2022 14:58

The parcel issue feels like a red herring, really. He called you a spoilt brat. That would be crossing a line for me in terms of how I expect my partner to treat me.

Ohhhhladz · 25/10/2022 15:09

He's either genuinely ignorant or he's manipulating you. Make it clear he's responsible for his half of the childcare (not just the fun bits) and the housework. You can take on extra if you work fewer hours or he has along commute or whatever but the baseline should be 50/50. Work from home is work and while you may fit in some chores around your work times, as he might run some errands during his lunch hour, he's taking advantage. Do you tell him whether he can leave the building where he works during his workday?

I told him to cancel the collection, and that I will drop it off at the post office this morning instead (as I needed to pop to the post office anyway today). He called me a spoilt brat, asked why I couldn't run yesterday or today instead...

This is just weird. As he wasn't the one staying home OR the one dropping off the package, what on earth did it matter to him? It only takes a click to cancel the collection but of course he has to be the one to do it as he made the reservation. Also, it's fairly usual to go for a run EVERY day, so irrelevant if you'd run yesterday or would tomorrow. Again, none of his business.

reigatecastle · 25/10/2022 15:11

bringincrazyback · 25/10/2022 14:58

The parcel issue feels like a red herring, really. He called you a spoilt brat. That would be crossing a line for me in terms of how I expect my partner to treat me.

Exactly this. Spoilt brat indeed. Who does he think he is?

Brigante9 · 25/10/2022 15:12

Why does he expect you to do all the housework when you work full time? Bigger issues than waiting in for a collection, OP!

bigbluebus · 25/10/2022 15:23

He doesn't get to control your diary so he should discuss before he books anything which involves you. He is unreasonable to be rude to you.

My DH used to have form for this sort of thing (the assumption that I could be around/pick things up). I've trained it out of him - finally.
His parcels go to his office now. He instructs people to leave stuff in a 'safe place' if it's a local drop off. His car is being serviced this week. He told me this a week ago and asked if I'd be using my car that day. He said that if I was he would just work from home whilst his car is at the garage. As it is I'm not using mine tomorrow so he can borrow it -and get him out from under my feet for the whole day--

TheTeddyBears · 25/10/2022 15:34

They don't provide a text or anything if Royalmail but it usually gives u a 3hr window when u book. Sometimes turn up late but generall around time they wld get your mail. Sometimes if it's big they will send a van later instead but they just come to me in van now as I always have several parcels. I also leave in my bin if I'm going out and they collect money bother I just note the safe place on the booking online.

lentilly · 25/10/2022 19:37

He sounds nasty!

Original poster

Oceanblue042 · 25/10/2022 23:41

Thanks all - it's good to hear that I wasn't being unreasonable after all!

He isn't a bad person really, as he does do jobs around the house and he's a good dad. It's just that sometimes I don't feel appreciated and that things are taken for granted sometimes, just because I'm the one at home every day.

Like another example is if I've been cooking and have a bunch of stuff on at once (pasta boiling over, garlic bread getting burnt, utensils needing washing because we've run out of clean ones etc.), then I might leave some packaging lying around. He'll then see it lying around, then have a go at me for not putting it in the recycling bin in the utility room next door 🙄 I keep telling him that I have lots of other things to do and I don't always have time to put stuff in the recycling bin whilst cooking, and he keeps telling me that all I have to do is take a couple of seconds out to put packaging in the bin. I've told him that if it takes a couple of seconds then why can't he just do it himself - he'll then tell me that I'm in the kitchen anyway! Pretty sure most people will agree with me. Other than these few moments though, he's generally a good guy, honest. I'll stop ranting now 😂

OP posts:

SnarkyBag · 25/10/2022 23:45

bringincrazyback · 25/10/2022 14:58

The parcel issue feels like a red herring, really. He called you a spoilt brat. That would be crossing a line for me in terms of how I expect my partner to treat me.

I agree and I certainly wouldn’t have dropped the parcel to the post office. I’d be rethinking my relationship if I were you

Thatskindafun · 25/10/2022 23:47

If this was the only incident I’d say you were being a bit unreasonable to make a fuss
but even then calling you a brat wouldn’t be acceptable

as it is, it’s clearly not about this one incident it’s that in general you’re taken for granted

he needs to be doing more work and being more grateful to you too. If you think he’s a good guy you need to have this discussion

PinkArt · 25/10/2022 23:53

He doesn't sound like a good person or a good dad. He sounds like an arsehole.
I'd be telling him to sort his shit out, to stop trying to manage my time and my working day or I'd be considering my next steps very carefully.
I couldn't spend my life with someone who shows that little respect for me on a regular basis. He is saying his time and his decisions are more important than yours. Fuck that!

JonahAndTheSnail · 26/10/2022 00:32

Why can't he do chores and errands on his WFH day? Does he consider his job more important or demanding than your's? He could have set off a little earlier and dropped the parcel off himself gven he works so close to a Post Office. He does sound quite controlling in some respects; I couldn't imagine being told to put rubbish in the bin when I'm in the middle of cooking for said person!

kateandme · 26/10/2022 00:39

He’s going to be more and more not a good person though op.this will spill over again and again.if he’s a good guy he shouldn’t make or want your feeling like this.
he needs to pull his weight and understand why.
you need help and you should be able to ask him for this.

Tiani4 · 26/10/2022 08:20

I don't like how your DP speaks to you
He orders you around
But "he's a good bloke and a good dad really.."

Nope he sounds like a bossy man who does little of the Mental load nor the actual parenting and running a household, the drudgery, and he treats you like his maid or assistant. Wtaf??

He doesn't sound like a good bloke at all and this is very unhealthy if your aren't equal partners. You need to cut him dead and send him away if he even dares to criticise

When he criticised your for leaving packaging temporarily whilst you cook, that's the point you turn off the hob- day great you can do it then, "I'm going out" walk away.

The moment he called you spoilt for wanting to go for a run bc he arranged a collection on a day he wasn't even going to be home!! Is the moment you say "naaaah not doing it if you think it's ok to speak to me like that- so now you rearrange it for when you're home and you stay in all day DP"

Valeriekat · 28/10/2022 23:12

Oceanblue042 · 25/10/2022 23:41

Thanks all - it's good to hear that I wasn't being unreasonable after all!

He doesn't sound like a good guy at all, he sounds like a controlling prick.

NumberTheory · 28/10/2022 23:23

He called you a spoilt brat because he booked your time up without asking you? Even though he could just as easily have arranged for it to be collected on a day he was wfh? And got arsey even though you'd offered a solution that didn't require him to leave the house or stay in if he wasn't inclined?

You know who the spoilt brat in the scenario is. (Not you!)

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