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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can you still have a good small Xmas

42 replies

Littleoldbear · 25/10/2022 13:23

I know there has been another Xmas post today which got me thinking..

Due to various reasons such as family members locations across the country, the size of our house etc, we will likely only celebrate Xmas day on our own with my dh and 2 dc. My dc are under 3 so still young and no Xmas traditions set in stone just yet but I wonder if they will find it lonely and boring as years go by

I always had aunties and uncles and grandparents to visit on Xmas day which was a real highlight and included extra presents great fun for a kid. I know life isn't like it was 20 plus years ago but will anyone else be celebrating just their immediate family or did this growing up?
How was it?

I already feel guilty the kids don't have many people in their lives and Xmas time impacts and highlights this even more me

OP posts:
Midnights · 25/10/2022 13:26

Of course you can! Our Christmas were often just parents and us DC, we loved it. A lovely calm day with just immediate family, just relaxed no driving about or huge crowds etc. You can create your own little traditions, a nice family breakfast and walk, a lovely meal and some family film times? Sounds like heaven!

They're both under 3, in future years house size and family locations might change - there's no set in stone at the moment and you could be doing something totally different in a few years time 😊

bananaboats · 25/10/2022 13:27

Its probably just because it feels different to you, I don't have any extended family growing up so never saw anyone other than my parents & sibling on Christmas day. Most years its just me & DH & we always have a lovely day.

LadybirdsAreFab · 25/10/2022 13:27

I grew up overseas, so it was never about big family gatherings. You create your own traditions and spend time together. Even now we all love a board game whatever time of the year. Now it's just my DH and DD and we still love a quiet Christmas. We don't even do a traditional meal; we have a lovely steak and trimmings.

Christmas is what you make it and the memories made.

Enjoy it whatever your do,

Original poster
Littleoldbear · 25/10/2022 13:28

@Midnights thank you for this. You just want the best memories for them don't you l. Appreciate your response, means a lot

OP posts:
Chdjdn · 25/10/2022 13:29

Most of my childhood Christmas were like this and I didn’t really like it on the odd occasion we saw a lot of people. Even now as an adult I like spending the day with people but not too many and being in one place rather than lots of people dropping in etc

BigFatLiar · 25/10/2022 13:30

Can you go visit some family?

Terrible to say but during lockdown it was just me and dh at Christmas and it was lovely.

When the girls were little we had Christmas at home usually, sometimes my parents came, sometimes not. I think it was easier as they got to play with their toys and when they were over tired nap in their bed. Loved having my parents around but easier to focus on having a fun day with the girls without them.

AmberGer · 25/10/2022 13:30

It's only usually us. Occasionally inlaws pop in for an hour but not every year.
That's what we're used to. My dc don't know any different.

Midnights · 25/10/2022 13:32

@Littleoldbear

They'll have amazing memories - it'll all be a blur of excitement and spending time with you! 😊

Quitelikeit · 25/10/2022 13:33

It’s a case of choose your hard

is it hard having a home, husband, 2 kids and Xmas in your own home, with the day going just as you planned it

is it hard having a home, husband, 2 kids and the dreaded in-laws showing up on Xmas day sitting on their butt doing nothing, making you feel anxious

everything is about perception- your situation that you describe above is one that many would see as blissful

if you are sad or fretful on Xmas day then you kids will see that

just focus on having a great day - look on here for the Xmas tradition threads lot of good ideas on there!!

lannistunut · 25/10/2022 13:33

Yes of course! I had big Christmases as a child and for many years since starting a family have had small Christmases. My (now much older) children have wonderful Christmas memories and still love to come back for our small family Christmases.

Christmas is a feeling.

Quitelikeit · 25/10/2022 13:34

Can I ask where are your parents and I laws and why you won’t be seeing them?

Worthyornot · 25/10/2022 13:49

We always had big family Christmas's and I truly, truly, truly, hated it. My dm would get up at the crack of dawn and start cooking. We rushed through presents and any playing or relaxing as we had to get ready. My df was set some jobs which by dm. We then either hosted or were carted house to house. Hardly spent any quality time with parents as the adults and kids separated. Vowed never to do that when I have my own family. My ds has actual memories of Christmas now, as it's such a lovely, relaxing day filled with our own traditions.

DashboardConfessional · 25/10/2022 13:53

DS is about to be 4 and all his grandparents are 150 and 200 miles away so we just have a fun day with his new toys, a walk, dinner etc. then see family at New Year.

If you want me to be really honest though, from about 8 onwards I felt bored as an only child. Mum and dad were chilling out and enjoying their time off, which I totally get, but I have always found the day itself a bit boring.

itsgoodtobehome · 25/10/2022 13:56

Me, DH and DS are escaping abroad this Christmas just to get away from all the usual who goes where debates. I can't wait to have a small, quiet family Christmas just for the 3 of us. We both see our respective families throughout the year, and I hate the pressure of everyone having to see each other just because it's Christmas!!

BigFatLiar · 25/10/2022 13:59

The meal itself is just a roast dinner where you eat too much, I'm not that bothered, oh though likes Christmas Dinner and we usually have to have a pra

BigFatLiar · 25/10/2022 14:02

Sorry jumped there.

We have a practice dinner early December, sometimes November as well. When the girls were little they were usually too full of chocolate to be bothered with dinner. They just had a little bit of meat and veg and some trifle with ice cream and jelly latter.

It's your Christmas make it how you want.

mondaytosunday · 25/10/2022 14:03

Yes. It will just be me and my two teenagers, as it has been since covid (last wider family Christmas was 2019 as my family live abroad). It's not the best - it would be ok if my husband was still alive - but the kids quite enjoy it. We have the dinner and play a few games then watch a movie.

DancingWithYouInTheSummerRain · 25/10/2022 14:05

Since the DCs were born we have stayed at home. We are up early as the youngest is an early riser, its then stockings on our bed (try to keep then upstairs as long as we can!), then down to present opening, breakfast and a morning of playing, our parents call in, but only for half hour.

The day is ours, DH cooks up an amazing dinner and we eat when we want to (no one else to dictate times), it's then playing with the new toys, watching Christmas TV and apart from washing up from dinner no chores etc, just plenty of time together....and you know what we bloody love it, no rushing around to see anyone, which is lovely for us as the kids don't want to leave their new toys etc, no entertaining, I just find it easier, and we are more relaxed which I'm sure the kids pick up on.

We make sure we see family in the run up and the days after, but on the day we make it our own for now.

ThreeRingCircus · 25/10/2022 14:05

Come over to the Christmas board OP, you'll get loads of ideas!

FWIW we have small Christmas Days just the four of us and it's lovely. We can do what we like, stay in our PJs all day if we want, eat when we want, don't have any angst or stress hosting others. DDs just play with their presents all morning, we eat Christmas dinner then go for a walk and then home for Christmas films and cuddling up on the sofa. It's lovely.

We do the big family get together at New year as family is 200 miles away. It's lovely but I think I'd find it a lot more stressful if we were driving around Christmas, not in our own beds, DDs just wanting to play etc.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 25/10/2022 14:06

Our Christmas day is always dh,ds and me and we have a fabulous time!

Fairislefandango · 25/10/2022 14:07

We've done only 2 Christmases ever with just me, dh and the dc (one just to try it out and one due to Covid) and tbh we found it really flat and an anticlimax, but it depends what you're used to. Sone people love a small Christmas. We live 4 hours away from our nearest family, but we always see everyone over the Christmas period.

Lcb123 · 25/10/2022 14:09

We always had Christmas Days just my parents and siblings when we were young, it was great, and saw other relatives over the following days. I really enjoyed Christmas Day in lock down just me and DH! Could eat, watch, drink whatever we wanted and chill out

JMKid · 25/10/2022 14:12

They are under 3, they won't have any memories of it either way. Christmas is what you make of it.

xogossipgirlxo · 25/10/2022 14:14

Big Christmas was never a thing with my family, so I don't know what it's like. There was maximum 8-10 of us, some years we didn't see family at all, so it was just me, my sister and our parents. You'll have lovely time, try to focus on good stuff: cooking the food your family likes, no rush with cleaning, wrapping millions of presents, serving food and loading dishwasher and being on a constant standby like it is when you're the host. It's just me and my husband right now, our families are in different country, I really enjoy this intimate quiet time we have together. It must be even nicer with little kids at home.

sandgrown · 25/10/2022 14:15

My brother went abroad when I was young so it was just me and parents . We had Christmas dinner but no real traditions and my parents didn’t play games . We didn’t have a car and no public transport. To be honest after presents it was a bit boring . I much preferred Boxing Day when all the family got together at one house . When I was old enough I started the tradition of walking to the local pub for a drink before Christmas Dinner . It gave my mum a break and even my very boring dad enjoyed it as long as I paid lol!

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