To feel like I’m NEVER on top of chores

[Heythatwasmyhotdog]

Just that really. DS6 at school, DS2 at home with me, doesn’t go to nursery yet, OH works all the time and doesn’t do much at home either chores wise or with the kids. Yep he’s one of those 🙄
other than literally never ending washing/drying/ironing/putting away, I am getting down at how my house is always dusty/not lovely and clean however much I try. I run the hoover round but never get right into all the corners etc, I wipe the kitchen and bathroom down but again never spend ages doing it so it’s never sparkling like I would like it to be. Constantly feeling stressed as I’m chasing my tail just trying to get some sort of reasonable standard of cleanliness and order and it isn’t happening, plus constantly aware of the kids not having fun while I’m doing this. OH always critical of what hasn’t been done or the standard to which it’s been done. He says things like “did your mother teach you nothing about keeping a home? This is your ONLY job”
feeling stressed, useless and overwhelmed. I grew up in a messy, grubby house and I feel panicked that my kids will feel the same. Any tips appreciated!

God, I'm never on top of anything. I just accept it rather than get stressed about it. Cleaning fetishists have a lot to answer for!

Get rid of your 'D' H, and find an equal partner.

Irony bother ironing invest in lot age of hangers and hang wet clothes to dry. You can by fabric non crease spray to spray on them. Alternatively tell DH to iron while he watches the tv .

Get paper plates and cutlery for a few weeks so you don't have to worry about the dishes while you take on another task. I know not environmentally friendly but it will help you

Put everything into boxes and tackle one box a week

Donate everything your family don't use at all or enough

Batch cook and have a day or two a week where you either have a takeaway or something easy like beans on toast

Get a cleaner in for a deep clean and then stay on top of it by doing 10 mins of cleaning in one room a day

Put music on while you clean

Get a new husband who isn't a douchebag

My house is always dusty and the floor is covered with dog hair fur bunnies. I can always see my mum twitchy to get the broom out when she comes round. I hoover upstairs everyday, sweep floor downstairs every day due to dog hair. If anyone else, including my husband, had a problem with how dirty it is, I have been known to show them where the broom is so they can do it. I refuse to be doing a deep clean every blooming day,i also work full time, studying part-time and have an 8 year old daughter and a 2 year old dog.

Your husband is a sexist selfish pig.

You're projecting your righteous anger onto the dust and laundry etc but it belongs with DH.

I'd try to get your child in nursery and go back to work so you can throw him out - or at least insist he does half the housework and childcare.

"did your mother teach you nothing about keeping a home? This is your ONLY job”

😳Divorce

My Dh is like yours and I’ve stopped doing his washing. Makes a big difference to the workload

You need a system and to stick to the system rigidly. Difficult with small children as obviously they are your priority. Plan your time in the way you might with a job role. Allocate a period of time to cleaning the kitchen. If it isn't completed within that time because of distractions then leave that task when the allotted time is up, and move on to the next task on your planner.

@slowquickstep are you the husband?

I can't get on top of it either OP. I'm at home with a 9 month old who just has mini naps. If I knew she would sleep for x amount of time I could plan what I needed to do and whizz around the place.

However, i have some strategies. When she is in her high chair, I give her some finger food while I sort the dishwasher and wipe everything down, sweep the floors etc.

When she is in the livingroom I tidy up around her. I have one corner of the room where I put stuff that belongs in other rooms. When she naps, I run around delivering the items to their rooms. I sort them later.

I make sure piles of clean laundry are stacked quite neatly and sort them the following day/when I get a chance.

I bought a spot mop which is awful for the environment but excellent for my mental health and just whip around with it. The place is always dusty, corners need attention, cobwebs suddenly seem to appear frequently.

Bathroom is passably ok: I find keeping it tidy is easier than clean. Sometimes I quickly spray the sink and toilet with Flash and give it a swish with with loo roll of I've literally 30 seconds to do it.

My main tip for getting on top of things is to make sure that by 'close of play', when I go to collect my older kids from school, every room looks quite neat if someone popped in for a quick inspection, even if I'm halfway through things.

So, clean laundry in the basket in as tidy a way as I can. Kitchen surfaces and floor swept and wiped down, even if the sink is full of dishes. Bed made and floors at least swept. Toys put away and cushions/throws etc positioned neatly. Then I chip away at it the next day. I did the ultimate mum-fail and stuck my baby I'm her pram in front of an ipad for 10 minutes while I had a quick shower. It's impossible to get even the most basic things done sometimes.

My husband does his fair share though so it's not all on me.

I heard a good tip about something else once, and keep it I mind: 'done is better than perfect'.

You arent alone in the snow shovelling!

To be fair, I'm on my phone a lot because I'm breastfeeding and why not do something while I'm stuck of the sofa anyway.

Urgh I’ve been there.
The thing is no matter how hard you try it won’t be consistently clean and tidy when you have small children. Unless you are someone who has a relative to watch them whilst you do ‘jobs’.

I think until you have done a good couple weeks alone with small children you have no idea. You can do the odd day and think it’s easy.

I would be tempted to do the opposite of what he wants, but if the messiness is getting you down too it might be worth thinking of some ways forward. I actually used to get pissed off about the digs cause when you are in the house the mess actually has more of an impact on you anyway.

I would look at TOMM but do the 30 min when he is at home. I’d also do some at the weekend. Insist this is child free time for you. But I’d be doing this for you not him.

You both need to sit down and agree priorities. Read with kids / clean home/ home cooked food.

Then agree who is going to do what in a fair manner.

Or outsource childcare and cleaning and get a full time job

Welcome to life as a parent.
parenting is hard!

I am in exactly the same boat. Me and my 6 year old spent the full day tidying yesterday (promise it wasn't child slave labour, she wanted to help) and today it looks like several hurricanes have been drifted through the entire house. As for your DH, that comment would have absolutely riled me

OH always critical of what hasn’t been done or the standard to which it’s been done. He says things like “did your mother teach you nothing about keeping a home? This is your ONLY job” That's outrageous

I think the SAHM model only works if the WOHP respects the SAHM. Otherwise, probably best for both parties to be working

You need to stamp on his bullying every time. ‘That’s not exactly constructive’.‘There’s gratitude’
Leave aside the argument over housework if you can and start by trying to get him to do more with the children.
Go back to work as soon as you can. You may at least get some appreciation there.
If your husband doesn’t improve, see a solicitor.