To take on the full load during the school holidays

[Endofmarope]

Am teacher, husband works in office. Two young children. During school holidays, husband relaxes his effort in the house a bit. I am left with most of the daily tasks as well as chasing up family work I don't have time for while at school (proper cleaning, tidying the build-up of crap that doesn't get done in term time, doctor, dentist, haircuts etc) as well as looking after the children and catching up on school work (between marking and planning it takes up maybe 20 hours over the week).

In terms of actual 'holiday', once everything is done, I only really benefit by getting up later in the morning (7am instead of 5.30) and I tend to give myself a calm half-hour in the afternoon while DC2 naps.

DH of course doesn't have school holidays and has 5 weeks off per year.

So the AIBU is, is it understandable that DH shifts the domestic work burden onto me during the holidays as he also has a busy schedule and not much down time? I think it is understandable but because I'm so tired and busy during these 'holidays' I'm starting to resent it a bit so I need to recalibrate! Thanks all.

The main question is what does he do on his 5 weeks off?

He's great when he's on holiday. Spends time with children, does DIY etc

I think it's a balance. I don't think it's unreasonable to say that on some days you are just going to keep things ticking over, do the usual chores but nothing "extra" and enjoy the time with your DC. I use the holidays to do all the big chores too but I also carve out a fair bit of downtime. Single parent here though so not quite the same..if stuff doesn't get done that's my choice.

If he is not there he cannot help.

Treat yourself to a deep clean at the beginning of the holidays.

Let some tasks slide.

I'd be fairly on top of things usually but during the 8 week summer holidays the standard drops massively.

I have painted my internal doors this week, they haven't been wiped from well before June.

Airing cupboard was like a bomb.

All the non urgent tasks are left during the summer break.

I needed to catch up and I'm still not there.

This all seems fair to me and it's what happens in my house too.

You take on more of the load in your holidays and he does it in his. That's fair.

Relax your expectations of yourself. Take some time to enjoy your time off with the kids.

When my dc were small and in lower primary school I had a term time job. I found myself leaving house things/socialising/sorting things all for the school holidays. It was odd, like my life was on pause for 6 ish weeks at a time. I didn't use the holidays I had effectively as that's when the chores and admin like dentists got done.

Do you think you could start not leaving the big tasks for school holidays and instead tick over during them and enjoy them? I never could but once I wasn't term time anymore could fit much more into my weekend and evenings.

I think one of the key differences is working in the school holiday (I'm a teacher too) which presumably your DH doesn't have to do? So I think from that point you need to have a conversation with him.

Agree with PPs about letting standard drop (a lot!)

Yes this happens in my house too, I'm single though so no choice.
Since your dh is hands on and busy during his holidays then I don't think it's unfair as such.
What helps me is to earmark a day or two that are lazy days. So I make a "to do" list and steadily work through it but on my allocated days I can relax, either have a nice day out with ds or (if I can get a sitter or holiday club) have a "me day"
Knowing you have some time coming up takes the pressure off a bit I think.

Thanks everyone. Glad to hear that we are all being reasonable about the division of labour here 😁 yes I think I should allocate a non-job day or two, because otherwise I just slog away all holidays and get back to school just as tired as I left 🙄