TW: Child abuse ....AIBU to not care whether this makes people uncomfortable

[FarTooMany19]

TW: Child abuse/harm/death

www.communitycare.co.uk/2007/01/10/
what-have-we-learned-child-death-scandals-since-1944/

I remember reading the above article as a training Social Worker. I have worked in Child protection, Virtual Schools, Children Looked After etc for many years. These awful tragedies keep on happening. Star Hobson, Arthur Labinjo-Hughes, Asiah Kudi...so many more.

On the back of some threads that have been up recently where people have said things like school safeguarding have taken it too far visiting at home/schools should not be allowed to do home visits/infringing on parental rights etc/people need to stop being nosy was one today about a mum sat in a car for hours with a baby/or toddler....AIBU to say that I DONT CARE if that makes parents uncomfortable to be questioned. I only care that I never have to come in to work and know that a child I worked with has been killed/seriously harmed. I know we can't prevent all deaths but my god, can't we do better. It happens too often still.

This is perhaps too much of a rant but I came across the article above from so so many years ago and realised that every year there are still lives lost that could have been saved.

With every preventable death my heart sinks.
But
And this is a big but.
We still don't have integrated information sharing systems to join up the pieces between CSC, ASC, health , education police etc
Until we achieve this holy grail it will continue.

Each system gets bogged down with information sharing and risk gets missed

I'd rather piss off a hundred 'respectable' parents than miss the child that's being neglected and/or abused. Because I was either missed or dismissed and they left me with her until I took steps to fuck up my adult life just to get away.

If I'm pissing a few people off by doing my job, I'm probably doing my job properly.

I wasn't very clear. I disagree in that I don't believe we as SWs can moan about people finding us intrusive and say - it's for safeguarding, when the profession as a whole hasn't embedded review findings from long ago.

If we had better information sharing, if we had better relationship practice, if we had a shift in power dynamics and a shift in classist thinking and then people still moaned, then I'd agree with you.

I admit that I am not well enough informed to have an opinion on this topic but without being informed I do sometimes wonder this. Do the available number of social workers have too large a case load because they are following up a very wide range of reports, with varying degrees of urgency? From reading mumsnet, calling SS appears, at least from outside the Uk, to be something to be done, after a quick glance at a situation. Person sees a child of primary school age walking alone along the pavement, advice call ss, parent leaves 10 year old at home while doing the shopping , again call ss.
I don't know whether it's just done for show or if this is what actually happens. Many people, myself included, don't know enough about resources and probabilities to know whether these types of incident are followed up on or if they are, do they help to prevent serious harm to children in the future in such a way that warrants the resources put into following them up? Are these resources being taken away from more drastic situations?

Well from my experience every report is followed up on in that they always call you about it.
Then I guess it's assessed on an individual basis from the phone call

@Justasmallgless absolutely. The systems being so separate and different just prevents timely sharing imo.

@NeverDropYourMooncup so would I. My parent was missed due to workers not wanting to upset her dad. She could have been saved a lot of pain.

@CatchersAndDreams With regards to the shift in classist thinking and power dynamics can you expand? I imagine I'd probably be in agreement, as I do wonder why findings from SCRs are repeated time and time again.

Agree, I can put up with some questions if it means a child at risk is more likely to survive.

@drawstringbags @purpleme12 In the 3 LAs I've worked in, there have been separate teams to assess reports. The teams have been structured like early help and intervention, duty and assessment, child protection, children looked after, fostering and adoption

I agree OP, I've been questioned at A&E re. child's injury and I totally understand why they have to. It's better to unnecessarily question 1000 parents than miss one abused child.

That said I do think those who say "why are they questioning me" etc are just scared, because of the (obviously very rare) horrible stories of innocent parents having their children permanently removed, etc.

The outrage on the recent threads is because people either don’t understand, or don’t want to understand, that abuse of children is carried out by seemingly normal people.

They want more done and people stepping in for the obviously seriously abused and/or neglected children, but don’t seem to understand that catching these things earlier involves painting the picture of the child’s comment at school here, the trip to A&E there, the Scout Leader noticing a bruise here, the after school club picking up another comment there and the SW noting the parents odd reaction to being challenged on one of the above…

Essentially is because people don’t accept that parents like us (in terms of how we look, act and outwardly parent) can be abusive.

I agree. There was also another thread posted about op's children and being referred to social services for safeguarding due to something they'd said (falsely). She was complaining and was herself a primary school teacher 🤦🏼‍♀️

Couldn't agree more

I don't care how many questions I have to answer, how many people I have to show my home, or how much I have to prove I can parent...if that process saves one child from harm then bring it on.

Its horrible being scrutinised. It's worse what some "parents" think is acceptable.

I never got questioned, probably because DD was more than capable of explaining her injuries in a way that usually started with her having a Great Idea and ending with an 'and then Mummy looked at it and said we should probably come here because she doesn't think it's supposed to look like that'. And the after school club appearing worried when they told me they had to add a note about seeing a bruise to their book - cool, that's them being responsible, it was reassuring to know that they recorded stuff like that.

I realise I'm getting on a bit, late 50s, but as kids we played out a lot, fell off bikes and walls resulting in bruises and scratches and let ourselves in and watched TV for an hour before hard working parents came home from work. If brother has grazed knees or a black eye from a tussle they were patched up and went back out to play.
30 plus years ago I was a sahm, kids played out, rough and tumble etc.
Why is it then that every little bruise is treated as suspicious now? Decent parents worry incase they're children say something that might cause an investigation. Grandson number 3 recently said he was hungry and mummy wouldn't give him any food. The truth? He threw his dinner on the floor and screamed for ice cream. Daughter in law managed it very well, but imagine if he said that in nursery?
Why is it that now the slightest thing is jumped on with seemingly no realisation that kids will be kids.
Yet children in real danger remain with violent or drugged up parents and very little is done due to funding.

I have wondered this too.

When my child screams out 'no one's making me happy' cos she's angry I think God, is this going to result in another report 🙈

We’ve been investigated. In fact our first encounter with SS was with the early outreach team, because I called and requested their input, as I wanted to make sure I was doing everything right for my DD. I didn’t have positive role-models and we were disadvantaged in a few ways so wanted to make sure I was parenting appropriately. They were wonderful, encouraging, reassuring and linked us with a children’s centre (that was still a thing!) who would provide continuing support- not that they deemed it necessary, but for me to feel less alone with no family.

The second time, a worker at our food bank heard about my MH diagnosis and got a bee in her bonnet about it. She was convinced that because of this condition I was not a safe parent. She reported us to SS, who called and came for a visit. I answered their questions in full, gave them details of the children’s centre we attended and my psych, and she conducted a hilarious interview with toddler DD. They wanted to have a little interaction with her independently, because who knows I could just be a great liar, and I’ve actually kept her answers because they were so funny- she likes living at home especially because of all the horses (she had got a new rocking horse for her bday!), she is a bit sad because she wants me to read the book and I’m talking too much (to the social worker!!), can she have a snack, does Social Worker have any in her bag because Mummy’s bag always has a banana in…

They spoke to all sources and I could not have been happier because a) they were taking it seriously, which I wish had happened when I was DD’s age, and b) everyone gave such lovely feedback on how I had overcome my setbacks and was a wonderful mother, I might not have heard those comments otherwise. Even the social worker commented on how happy DD was and how strong our bond was.

The food bank worker however repeatedly made complaints. Eventually it was written off as being malicious especially as she would provide fake ‘new information’ despite not having any interaction with us whatsoever, and her continued harassment of us got her sacked. It was an ordeal but the results were just so nice- justice that they wouldn’t put up with her harassment, and praise for my parenting. I hope the other parents can learn to see it that way too; if you’re struggling they can signpost you to help, and if not it’s a lovely commendation that you’re doing a good job!

It’s because when people like me were kids every bruise and scratch was assumed to be from climbing trees or falling off my bike. Every time my siblings or I commented that my father caused a bruise or mark we were told to stop telling stories or told “well you should behave then”.

It took 7 year old me telling my teacher about my father ironing my brother’s hand in punishment for someone to say “wait a minute…”.

Its also because people have realised that kids like this ”Yet children in real danger remain with violent or drugged up parents” aren’t the only ones who are in real danger. In fact kids like that tend to be on the radar. It’s the kids being abused by the normal mum, or the he’s such a nice guy Dad or the doting parents who are much harder to help because they’re harder to spot.