My friend split from her DP 6 months ago, and since then he has their now 2 year old DS from Thursday night until Saturday night. I live 2 doors up from the exDP so see him and their DS regularly.
A couple of things are really worrying me, but they're coparenting really well and I don't want to cause a rift unless it's a genuine safety concern.. so my question is would you tell her the below? They are civil with each other but both have a temper and can't raise concerns with each other without it blowing up.
He drives a van for work, and ferries DS around on a high backed booster seat facing forward in the front seat. I've mentioned to him that this isn't safe, but he thinks I'm mental that my DS is still rear facing and won't be told otherwise. I've sent him a few resources on car safety but his answer is 'it's a van not a car, and I'm not going to crash I never take him far' etc.
He drops DS off with me for 'play dates' pretty much all day on Fridays twice a month. These are supposed to be 2 hour visits where his DS comes to play with my 2 year old and exDP is supposed to stay for a cup of tea, but invariably it ends up that he 'just has to nip home' or gets a call out for work and has to leave and leaves his DS with me from 10ish until 5:30ish. I've pulled him up on this a few times.
He has a very big, powerful and bouncy dog. The dog is absolutely lovely, but extremely energetic and has knocked me (a not insubstantial adult woman) off my feet once before. His DS has also been knocked down and is visibly frightened of ddog. When DS is there, he keeps the dog in the garden with access to a shed but the other week, DS opened the garden gate and ddog jumped up and knocked him to the ground again. I heard their DS screaming so legged it out thinking he'd been hit by a car or something and DS was outside on his own, front door wide open and the exDP was sat in the living room not aware he'd even left the house.
I'm not convinced he's supervising his DS properly at all. The incident above is one of many where I@m not sure he's got the eyes in the back of your head you need with toddlers. For example when they're getting in the van, he allows his DS to wander onto the road from the drive while he's getting his stuff in the car. It's a quiet cul-de-sac but literally anything could happen in a split second. WHen he's at my house he leaves his hot cup of tea on the edge of the table in toddler reach ALL THE TIME. It's little things but it's just not painting a good picture.
I'd be very happy to be told I'm being ridiculous but my gut is just really worried. I have spoken to him directly but he totally ignores me/ brushes it off so I@m getting no where.
Do i need to tell my friend (we're close) my concerns which will absolutely cause a drama between them?