To think what's the point?

[Purplebiscuitwithsprinkles]

My dad is in his last stages of Cancer it's really tough watching him deteriorate. It's raging through his body at speed and the one thing he has asked for is to come home so he can have his final moments somewhere familiar.

My mum and Dad have lived quite separate lives for a long time, sleep in separate rooms and do their own thing but now they are elderly they rely on each other. They can be civil but quite vicious towards each other too but generally over the years they have been ok. They are two very large reception rooms and my dad will move into one of them to accommodate his hospital equipment. For the last few weeks my mum has been stalling and so has my brother who still lives at home (he's a man child and refuses to move out very much a mothers and their son situation). Whilst in hospital twice he has tried to get my dad to sign the house over to him. My dad foresaw he might try something so luckily had the sense to create a will, POAs and letter of wishes. He appointed me to pretty much sort everything. In the past I have sorted out pensions. benefits, savings, got them out of serious debt etc.

My mum has been planning her revenge for many years and it came to light at the meeting she was delaying my dad coming home. My half sister had a heart to heart with me and I really saw what my mum was like now it's become about paying for bits of care. I just feel so deflated I knew my mum could be awful she's become really bitter and jealous over the years particularly when I got married to my amazing DH and my sister to her DH. My dad should be home in a few days to settle in and live his final days out there but I just feel so angry at the family apart from my sister. I have other siblings but there just like my mum so of no help. I have said that I will go the day after to my dads funeral I just can't bare the thought of being in the same room as my mother or that side of the family.

To top it all off I can't cope with work at the moment I can't be signed off as I'll get the sack they're very clever with getting rid of people even when signed off by a doctor. I just feel like I can't cope any more. Apart from my marriage which I am so thankful for everyday I just can't see myself being here anymore. I know I won't dii ok anything but I'm truly at the end of my tether.

AIBU to think I and the rest of the family members that want to be with my dad should be and the others should just leave us alone and take there twisted attention seeking nastiness somewhere else?

Would it be possible to take an unpaid break from work for the next two months?
Is there any chance your father could come to you and your self-esteem visit there?
Leave your mum and brother to stew?

YANBU in your wish that people would behave appropriately, with decorum and sensitivity at this really difficult time.

Even although you feel you can't take time off work for your own mental health, it would probably be useful to see your GP to see if there is any medication or talking therapy available to you.

I note you've said you will go to the house the day after your Dad's funeral, do you not intend to visit prior to that? Not even with your husband who could, perhaps, deflect the less sensitive members of your family while you spend time with your Dad?

I'm sorry I don't have any other ideas or words to help you.

Not sure why kindle thinks half sister should be self esteem.

@SequinsandStilettos I can't afford to take unpaid leave unfortunately I have stuff to pay for alongside bills so it's just not financially viable.

@Trez1510 Sorry should have made it more clear I will definitely be visiting my dad at his home. Pretty much on an every other day basis after work. I just can't face being at his funeral with my mother. She has been really cruel and delaying him coming home from the hospital. Once I found out what was going on I wanted my dad to come to my house but he insisted he just wanted to come home so I respected his wishes.

Yes I suppose that's my AIBU just wishing that people would behave appropriately. I was warned about this type of behaviour that people behave differently when someone is dying and can smell the money. It has really saddened me just how appalling it has all become.

Im going to phone a counselling helpline in the morning. Thank you for the replies I really do appreciate it.

What a dreadful time you're having, you must be exhausted beyond belief. Definitely get counselling.

I know you want what's best for your dad and for him to have what he wants at the end of his life. But realistically this is not going to work. Your mum and brother are not going to look after him and they would need to be 100% committed. You will be worried out of your mind about his care, if he is being looked after properly etc. I just don't think it is feasible for him to come home. I know that is heartbreaking for you, but he will need so much care and you alone cannot do that. I think you need to consider that your dad moves to a hospice, you can visit him and it will be peaceful for you and your dad, you don't want your dad in a house full of animosity.

Take care of yourself, you are running on empty, remember you can only do what you can do and if others don't want it, you can't make it happen.

@Conkersareback Thank you exhausted is definitely how I feel and sad. There is criticism with everything I do from my mother. I never thought she could be so toxic. There are carers coming in 4x a day. I can envisage in a matter of weeks he will be moved to a Hospice currently the local ones are full near where he lives so I'm guessing he will be moved to one in the next town/city.

I just feel really sad about it. I have done all I can over the years to ensure they are living a comfortable life and don't have to worry whilst my siblings did nothing apart from my sister on my dads side who was living in another country but was/is amazing emotional support!

I'm just grateful that my parents followed my advice and put their affairs in order. Once all this is done with I will just get on with my life, I will only keep in contact with my sister.

It has made me realise that I'm miserable in my life apart from my marriage and things really need to change.

Honestly, you've brought tears to my eyes. I know the feeling of being the only pragmatic one, you get the blame if it goes wrong and it's a thankless task.

You know you've done your very best, your dad will also know this. He will pass knowing this.

Life is so incredibly cruel sometimes.

You must take a little time for yourself every day, a cup of coffee, a bath, a chat with a friend.

Come on here and chat, I and many others will hold your hand.

So sorry you are in this situation, and sorry for your dad that his wife is behaving like this. I think he will need to go to a hospice if there is a place for him? As he will be better looked after there by the sounds of it. Such a shame though that his last wishes can't be respected.

Yes once the funeral is over cut the toxic family members out of your life. Oh and do get signed off, whilst also looking for another job. This is a sad time for you, but maybe the time to reflect on making positive chnages to your life.

@Conkersareback and @MissyB1 thank you so much and to the other posters I really appreciate your kindness. I have an amazing husband but we just both feel burnt out and I don't want to keep putting on him emotionally he needs a break.

Great friends but all different areas, work friends are ok but I don't want to really share anything my workplace is shockingly toxic and anything you say is stored up and used against you.

I was a bit nervous posting as some posters can be really awful in their replies but I'm really glad I did. I'm going to take your advice and just have abit of calm time a cuppa, my new book and bath.

Hi all I just wanted to update you. My dad passed away just before Christmas it was incredibly sad. I organised the whole funeral by myself. My mums behaviour from start to finish was awful and still is. The rest of the family have been vile apart from my sister on my dads side.

I've taken time off work I literally crumbled and needed that time to heal. Everything is now through a solicitor it has saddened me it's come to this but I do feel better that I've stood up for myself and made it clear the nasty behaviour is no longer tolerated by me.

Thank you for the kindness in the replies it really helped me pick myself up and dust myself off and start again.