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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious about what MIL said?

28 replies

irusyaus · 24/10/2022 00:37

Teen DS struggles with his mental health quite a bit, he's been put on new anti depressants but they've not started to work yet.

DS told me this evening he didn't feel safe due to suicidal thoughts, DP suggested A&E which I didn't think would help DS as it hasn't in the past so I went with him to his room and sat with him until he fell asleep.

MIL is staying with us and she told me DP was being ridiculous for suggesting A&E, and that if DS wants to die we should let him as apparently we're making things worse for him by trying to keep him safe.

AIBU to be furious?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 24/10/2022 00:39

If this is true, that woman would already be on the kerb, and she would never see the inside of my home again.

StoneofDestiny · 24/10/2022 00:40

Agree with above - keep her away from your son

MrsKeats · 24/10/2022 00:40

Let him die!!!??
That's so awful.
No contact is the only answer for me

Thedogscollar · 24/10/2022 00:41

Aquamarine1029 · 24/10/2022 00:39

If this is true, that woman would already be on the kerb, and she would never see the inside of my home again.

This 100%

Stressedmummyof4 · 24/10/2022 00:41

@irusyaus
I honestly don't know what to say other than what a disgusting thing for a grandmother to say about her grandson. It actually makes me quite furious.

I think it's quite clear from the fact your son has reached out to you for help that he in fact does not want to come to any harm.

I honestly don't think I could have this woman in my home.

I really feel for you and your son and I will keep him in my thoughts and prayers, hopefully his new medication starts working soon and will bring you and him some peace xx

BeetyAxe · 24/10/2022 00:42

I would never ever speak to her again. She’s disgusting. I hope your poor son gets better aoon, must be so hard for you.

HeddaGarbled · 24/10/2022 00:43

I think I’d be more concerned than furious - that is a very odd attitude.

Thatiswild · 24/10/2022 00:43

I really, really hope she isn’t still in your home, I would be telling your dh to get her out of your house immediately and make sure she understands she is never welcome again, that might just be the worst thing she could say to you. I am so sorry about your son, please stay with him as you have been and take him to your GP first thing, or A&E if needed, he needs support through this while his brain adjusts to the medication, you keeping him safe is the very best thing you can do. Sending you strength and your son.

Discovereads · 24/10/2022 00:44

MIL is staying with us and she told me DP was being ridiculous for suggesting A&E, and that if DS wants to die we should let him as apparently we're making things worse for him by trying to keep him safe.

Id be livid and have shown her the front door instantly. Thank goodness your DP hasn’t turned into her clone.

Arenanewbie · 24/10/2022 00:45

was she on glue??? I wouldn’t even question your feelings, you should be mad with anger.

Could she go home in the morning? She might tell something nasty to DS even with you present so I would do everything to prevent this.
Hope your DS will get better soon.

Thatiswild · 24/10/2022 00:46

@Arenanewbie has a very good point, she could say anything, I honestly wouldn’t wait till morning, but if you have to keep her nowhere near your son.

FurnitureDisease · 24/10/2022 00:48

Yep, she’d be right out the door.

I hope your son will soon find peace and reach a better place with his thoughts 💙

Aquamarine1029 · 24/10/2022 00:51

I hope she is out of your home. I would be very concerned that this unhinged bitch could say something very damaging to your son.

CookPassBabtridge · 24/10/2022 00:51

I really hope this is fake because surely she wouldn't still be in your house after saying something so disgusting?

EgonsShell · 24/10/2022 00:52

I'd be giving her a swift boot right up the jacksy and straight out the front door. What a horrible thing to say about your grandchild. We'd be beside ourselves if any of our grandchildren were feeling like this.

I think a lot of the older generation have ZERO understanding at all of mental illness and subscribe to the whole "well we just got on with it in our day".

User15432 · 24/10/2022 00:57

I presume she thinks he is being dramatic and attention seeking and doesn’t actually believe he wants to die so is being deliberately twatty.

Some people have zero clue about poor mental health issues and the affects they have on a person. She sounds completely ignorant, but I don’t believe she meant it (I mean I would hope nobody would!).

Sorry your son feels this way, I hope things improve for him when new medication has time to take effect.

  • Just as a side note, 111 has and emergency option for mental health crisis and has a team 24 hours to assess. May be worth a try if you find your son in this position again.

All the best.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 24/10/2022 01:26

Jesus what a bitch! I'd get her a lump of coal for Christmas after that and never let her darken my door again. Hope your DS feels better soon.

NumberTheory · 24/10/2022 05:03

I think the kick her to the kerb reactions are expressed poorly, but essentially have it right.

You need to seriously consider if having someone in the house who would say something like that is a safe person to have around your DS right now.

I’m so sorry your DS is struggling with this. It’s terrifying to live with the fear he will go that far and even when it’s not on the knife edge it’s heart breaking to see your teen finding life difficult rather than thriving. I hope the new medication helps soon.

Goosygandy · 24/10/2022 05:16

You are absolutely right to be furious. She is massively overstepping and her advice is dangerous. I take it this is part of a pattern as your DH isn't challenging her? I think I'd have to ask her to leave too.

Is your son getting some therapeutic support from a counsellor that specialises in helping people with suicidal thoughts? If not it might be a useful avenue to explore as well as the drugs. Papyrus is an organisation that specialises in supporting young people with suicidal thoughts and their families. It might be worth contacting them too.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. What a terrible worry.

DontSpeakLatinInFrontOfTheBooks · 24/10/2022 05:32

As others have said, if she’s still in your house, why? Get her the fuck out of there. She’d not be darkening my door again.

Hope your son is in a better head space today. I’ve literally slept on the floor in my daughter’s bedroom a few times because it feels like the only way I can keep her safe without taking her to a+e which I want to avoid doing.

HowVeryBizarre · 24/10/2022 05:36

You need to tell her that right now your focus needs to be on your son so it is not appropriate to have houseguests, she needs to leave. I would find that one hard to forgive.

GnomeDePlume · 24/10/2022 06:07

YANBU that is an appalling thing for anyone to say let alone a GM about her GC.

I hope the new meds start to work soon.

autienotnaughty · 24/10/2022 06:10

She's clearly got the view that mental health is attention seeking. If your ds doesn't know I'd have a firm word saying that she is never to speak like that again in your house or near ds.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/10/2022 06:21

That is a bizarre reaction. You don’t know what’s going on inside her head and a discussion on this is not for today. She shouldn’t be anywhere near your ds right now so please send her home today. I hope your ds will be ok.

Thomasina79 · 24/10/2022 06:26

In the past I have volunteered for suicide prevention organisations and the way you are supporting your son is very much along the lines such organisations would recommend

keep doing what you are doing. How wonderful you stayed by his side all night, though I would have done the same. All you can do at the moment is to be there for him, which I know you are doing.

as for your mother in law, she sounds batship and I would be avoiding her in the future.