Relationship help!

[Becra]

I just want some clarity as to whether I’m being unreasonable…
Ive been with my partner for 5 years and he has a son from a previous relationship. His ex partner is very difficult and will try to make life quite hard, when it doesn’t need to be.
This Christmas it falls on the weekend when we usually have my stepson (we have him Friday-Sunday, every two weeks). I said that his mum should still have him on Christmas Eve/christmas morning as she always has, and we’d never dream of taking that away from her. On Christmas Day though, I said that I’ll pick him up at 2pm (45 minute drive away), take our 15 month old with us so that he can nap in the car, then be back to have our christmas lunch as a family at 3pm.
His ex has messaged to say it has to be 3pm and my partner isn’t willing to message and say 2pm. Every single christmas, for the past 5 years, I’ve never got to have a relatively relaxing day. It’s always me collecting him, coming back, him opening his presents, then sitting down to a late dinner. I just wanted one year, especially with our 15 month old, where we can have a nice time together without being shattered, and where it suits everyone.
Its not just to do with christmas, every week it’s me doing the running around or having to change my plans, and I’m sick of it. My partner is saying that I’m being pathetic over an hour but it’s deeper rooted. For once, I’d love him to just even attempt to put our feelings into consideration. I do love him deeply but we’re just stuck in this rut of a (completely sexless/no intimacy) relationship and this has tipped me over the edge, where I’ve got to the point where I’ve said to meet in the middle with his ex or we’re over.
I feel pathetic but I’ve just simply had enough, feel completely unloved and deep down knowing that he would rather lose what we have than anger his ex.
Any advice would be really appreciated.

How convenient for him to have a new partner who does drive, who he can use for all the ferrying around, while refusing to make reasonable accommodations with his ex to make her chore more convenient.

What is his excuse for not learning to drive?

And why are you allowing him to manipulate you like this?
You don't want to do this journey on xmas day. So just don't do it. Your partner & his ex can work the arrangements out between them, like grown ups, can't they?

Been with my OH 7 years. Not once picked his kids up for him, as he's their parent. Agree with PP, how would he be collecting his child if you weren't around.
I could sort of understand your DP not wanting to rock the boat with his ex over an hour on Christmas day, but only if he were the one doing the running around.
The rest of your post just shows how little your DP is putting into your relationship so I'd have a really good think about how happy you actually are with him.

I said that his mum should still have him on Christmas Eve/christmas morning as she always has, and we’d never dream of taking that away from her

Why are you telling him/her anything? let them sort it out themselves. You are available to drive in the morning or not at all

I even offered to drive over to her mums if that helped but he won’t message her
Devastated.

Is he your partner or your parent? I don't understand. Just dont pick the child up at xmas. He can pick his child up and you can sort out what you need to at home while he goes. Or the mother gets someone to drop the child over.

You're saying you're devastated because he wont text his ex....well you cant make him do anything... Just like he cant make you pick up the child or do anything else. So do as they do....Mind yourself..pretty obvious..

Just say no.

So if you and your partner were not together, he would not he able to see his child at all??

The more I read this, the more I think it must be a wind up.

This and don’t drive him to sort out his child