Am I being too demanding?

[Autumnisbeautiful1]

Hi everyone, I'll jump right in. My husband has recently started a new job (2 weeks in) at the other end of the country. He's living with his parents until I sort our house, nursery etc at home. His commute is an hour and half each way and currently having to do an extra half day, so driving that 6 days a week. So I'm very conscious how tired he will be. I came down this weekend and instead of coming back to his parents after work he suggested I take an hour and half train ride to a town he's interested in us living in (maybe 6/9 months when we can buy), I knew walking a town with our 2 year would be hardwork but agreed as he was really keen. We arrived and met him. Our LO has really missed his dad and was so happy to see him. He wanted to be held by his dad all the time. Usually its the other way round which I love but that was great to see. Anyway my husband was saying he was exhausted and didn't want to hold him. I tried to keep our son from asking to be held by dad but was not happy. He wouldn't let me carry him, wouldn't hold my hand, kept running off but when I asked my husband to hold him he said no, too tired. I felt so upset my husband wouldn't hold our lo after not seeing him for 2 weeks and all our little doing was wanting to be with him. I also felt so stressed because of the situation, is it normal this stressed me so much? After I was clearly getting stressed my husband held him for about 10 minutes before we went to a coffee shop. My husband is a good dad but he needs a lot of time out, to rest, which I don't need as much as I generally have a lot more energy than him. I work 90% for context.

Am I being unreasonable for feeling annoyed he wouldn't hold our lo? and the fact it stressed me so much - which I think was more to do with my husband reaction I.e. he thinks I should just crack on with holding our lo but when he doesn't want to be held he is like an octopus. Thank you for reading and any advice x

Your husband insisted on meeting you somewhere unfamiliar with a toddler.
He refused to carry the child he hasn’t seen for 2 weeks.
He wants you to relocate to be near his family.

How much support are you getting from your family/friends now? How much would you get from his side of family?

What do YOU want to do?

He’s always tired and needs lots of “time out”
Doesn’t do any house work.
Looks like beside working,looking after your child you’re doing life admin as well.

So basically you’d be upping your sticks for him leaving everything you know behind? Looks like a very lonely life ahead of you with your husband not interested in his child and “too tired” to do anything while he swans off somewhere for his “time out”.

Is that what you want?

I agree with Frenchboule

I find it incredibly sad that your husband wasn't over the moon that his son wanted to be carried by him, hold his hand, etc., what kind of dad is he? Not a good one that is for sure.

if he wants his dad to carry him so he can be close to him as he's missed him wouldn't you just carry him for a bit? I wouldn't hesitate.

This sums it up, no good, loving dad would hesitate either.

I agree with @FrenchBoule too. He made you go on a quite long journey with your toddler, then he’s too tired to carry his two year old for a few minutes? Even the weakest, most unwell, most tired person would make an effort to pick up his little child who has missed him and wants his attention.
This isn’t “being a good dad”. Honestly, we see so much shitty behaviour described on MN followed by “but he’s a good husband and father”, it makes me wonder how appalling these men would have to be to be called a bad one.

Doesn’t sound like a good dad.

He sounds lazy and selfish and not a good dad.

I would not be leaving your family and friends for someone like this.

You will be very vulnerable and I would bet you will bitterly regret it.

Stay where you are.

I agree. @Autumnisbeautiful1 please rethink this move and everything else, please. You are going to be very isolated with no support.

I understand what you are saying but nobody can walk around for ages carrying a child, that's too ridiculous. That's what pushchairs are for. I daresay you stopped here and there for a while and then dad could cuddle your little boy. He could also push him in the buggy and talk to him at the same time.

‘But he needs a lot of time out’? Bollocks. He thinks childcare is women’s work.

As you haven't mentioned any disabilities, he should see a doctor about being so tired all the time. Plenty of us have similar daily commutes and still look after children before and after the work day. If there is nothing medically wrong then a healthy adult should be fine to look after a child!