I'm going on strike.

[AnotherCountryMummy]

Not from my job. From housework and doing anything in the house for anyone else (besides the baby) because DP and DSDs don't appreciate me.

If they want their washing done, they can do it. If they want food shopping delivered, they can order it. If they want a clean house, they can jolly well clean it because I'm not being an unpaid, unappreciated skivvy anymore.

I have a FT job and a 15mo to contend with and I don't have the energy to slave after everyone else whilst nobody else lifts a finger or says thanks.

Good for you. How old is DSD?

Why not ! Luckily he’s a DP and not a DH, easier to get rid of.

Sorry you are having a tough time but I am really fed up with the woe is me posts.
Instead of behaving like a child and going on strike, why don’t you speak to your partner about sharing some chores?
Unfortunately, being an adult means we have to do a lot of boring household tasks.

12 and nearly 10, so capable enough with Dad's help.

😂😂 this has crossed my mind!

I hear you. And I know I'm being silly. But I've tried talking to him countless times and it's not getting through.

So I'm hoping the real life demonstration of how much I do, by the house turning to ruin when I stop, will shock him into realisation.

Or it might not 😂

I'm not against the boring household tasks, but I am against them when they aren't shared.

I do get what you’re saying. It’s soul destroying to spend hours cleaning for others to mess it up again within minutes.

I myself had thought ‘bugger it, I’m not doing this anymore’ but I never last long. I can’t think straight in a messy house.

Good luck with getting your partner to help - very selfish of him to sit back and leave it all to you.

DSD are 10 and 12 then 100% not that they are your responsibility to begin with

Problem is if you are still living there you need to be able to cook for and bath your child and for them to be safe.
It’s more a work to rule than all out strike. So don’t do anything above and beyond what you and toddler need. It might be easier if you can decamp somewhere else for a week or two (your mum’s?)

Do your step kids live with you full time? In anycase yanbu but things like this tend to go in cycles - they'll clean up for a bit then before you know it you're back to square one. Not sure what the answer is as I actively avoided this type of set up.

So I'm hoping the real life demonstration of how much I do, by the house turning to ruin when I stop, will shock him into realisation.

Then you will probably be disappointed, there's a good chance you will break long before they do. That's the reason usually that one partner does more than their fair share of the housework, because they are the one with the lowest threshold for tolerating a messy house.

Why are you doing these things anyway so that you need to go on strike from them? Why are you cooking for everyone if there is no reciprocal arrangement from your partner to do his share and why are you doing everyone's laundry? Why are you cleaning up after everyone rather than marching the culprit who made the mess through to clean it up themselves or otherwise the item in question goes in the bin?

Don't stop at going on strike... you need to completely redefine your role.

Fully support your action. I generally clean half the house every week, prepare food for others on my nights and do all kinds of family tasks reciprocally but not when one sided or unappreciated or when I don't want to.

So I'm hoping the real life demonstration of how much I do, by the house turning to ruin when I stop, will shock him into realisation.

I see this a lot on here and unsurprisingly, it never works. I don't think you'll get the results you're wanting and you'll just make even more work for yourself long-term.

I actually went and stayed with a friend for a week. Didn't tell him where I was going just packed a bag and went. He was sat in the living room while I did this and didn't notice. He thought I'd gone to the shops or something. Rang from a phone box and didn't tell him where I was. Things improved.

If this is what you need to do to get your point across then I would say that communication between the two of you is already so bad that the relationship is terminal.

So far it's going okay. I told him I'm doing nothing. I'm now sat on the sofa watching a film and he cooked and is feeding the baby. Unheard of on a Sunday evening!

But on a serious note, yes, communication is not good between us right now. And yes, roles do need to be redefined.

I suppose I shouldn't have let it get like this and to be honest, before I had the baby I didn't mind doing the lion's share because I enjoy cleaning and I'm organised. But it's too hard now with all the headspace a toddler and full time job take up 😫 And he's now used to something that I can't sustain.

I really hear this, thank you 🙂 I'm now on a mission to redefine my role in this household!

Out of interest, was his lack of contribution to the household a factor in splitting up with their mum?

Nope it wasn't. But they did have a cleaner so he's never been in the habit of cleaning!