Honest answers- do you truly feel things are equal in your household?

[Skinnermarink]

Because I don’t and it’s pissing me off, but my husband thinks they are, so we are at a stalemate and I’d like to move on in a positive away instead of fantasising about feeding him to the local foxes.

We both work full time but he does 9-5 in a not very stressful environment, I do compressed 38 hours in 3.5 days to save on nursery fees and have more time with DS. 2 days a week I leave the flat at 6am and am not home until 8 or later. Therefore on those days DH does all the getting up and bedtime stuff (but DS usually sleeps until 7) obviously I do it on all the other days.

DS is going through a bit of a sleep regression at the moment because he’s pissed off we are weaning him and he just cries for milk at all hours of the night because he just won’t eat actual food properly. I am doing 80% of those wake ups and stressing about this in general.

DH was out all day yesterday at the football, fine, but I said I want you to take DS out today so I can have some time to myself. This hasn’t happened because it’s been raining and he doesn’t know where to take DS so it’s just been a normal day really. I got a lie in until 9 as it was my turn but when I got up, DH went back to bed for 2 hours. This is usually what happens every weekend, and I’m starting to feel quite appalled that DH is still in his dressing gown at 12pm eating a bowl of shreddies while I’ve been up, dressed and doing whatever needs doing while looking after DS. Anything I say is met with ‘relax, it’s the weekend!’

My mum is coming to stay tomorrow and I have shitloads to clean and tidy which is apparently my responsibility because it’s my parent coming, not his. He has done a few bits but no big ticket items. He did fix a wheel on the dishwasher and take some rubbish out and has reminded me of this several times.

I do all DS’s laundry, food, everything relating to him really but I admit I can be a bit of a control freak and DH has put him in some really whack outfit combos or claims not to know where stuff is. His memory is terrible, and if I write reminders down for him I am micro managing.

I don’t know what I want really but I’m sick of being made to feel like a bloody nag or a martyr. So how many of you feel that you are getting proper support and your partner properly pulls their weight?

Agree with PPs - if you want DH to take more of a share then you need to stop micromanaging. When your child gets to an age where they dress themselves, they will also likely choose weird outfit combos, but does it really matter?
He clearly manages getting DC up and to childcare and to pick them up and get them to bed, so your post branding him as incompetent seems rather unfair.

Also - what's wrong with being in a dressing gown if it's the weekend and you're not going anywhere because it's raining?

Try again - things aren't equal in my house but when my husband is at home and chips in, I let him get on with it. If the baby looks mad, fine, if he doesn't separate washing the same way as me but he washes it, gets it folded and away, fine.

Yeah, this resonated.

I do think I need to let some things go- yeah ok DS has pj trousers on but no one died- on the other hand, why is so hard not to just dress him properly 🤣

Ive fallen into the trap of being TOO capable, just getting it done, and when I was on maternity leave ok fine, that was what I did in place of working- but I’m full time too now and I don’t think the balance has shifted back again, and so the resentment starts to creep in.