Not sure whether I’m being unreasonable…

[RemindMeAgain]

My DH left his job last year due to mental health issues. He’s subsequently set up his own business and was just about managing to meet his financial obligations then he had a setback and decided to go back to a job. It’s not really working for his health or our childcare arrangements but to go back self employed, he needs a vehicle. Coincidentally my car has come to the end of its lease so we will need to get another vehicle anyway and have one on order but that can be cancelled. Today he’s asked me to take out quite a sizeable loan to cover the cost of the vehicle which he said he will repay. I’d also need to take on the repayments for his car and take that as mine which I am prepared to do as I need a car anyway and I want to help, but the loan is bothering me. He’s changed his mind several times in the past year around what he’s doing for work, he has some ideas which I think are a bit delusional and I’m worried if he changes his mind again I’ll be stuck repaying a big loan to have a vehicle that I won’t be able to or want to drive (big van). He does always pay his way but it’s a struggle for him sometimes and he seems not to worry, yet I am worried to death especially in the current climate. I have a stable job with a decent income but we are a family of 5 and it’ll only stretch so far. I’ve said how I feel and now he says I’m being unreasonable and unsupportive, am I?

I don't know why he wont lease a van. Why should you get into debt like this? I'm confused

If he needs a specific vehicle to do a job, then it has to be considered part of the cost of his business. If he is struggling to set up the basic functionality, then is he even certain the business is viable?

Why don't you suggest he buys a cheaper van for the first 6 months then if the business proves viable he can get a newer van as a business purchase for tax purposes?

My dh has some mental health difficulties. When he doesn't feel great starting a new job or buying a new car gives him a temporary lift but he soon returns to normal. Medication is all that helps. He is sulking because he wants that lift but it's not financially feasible and actually very unwise. His history speaks for itself. So just keep saying..no l am not comfortable with that. With his difficulties you have big responsibilities financially taking care of yourself and your family so it's absolutely fine to say No! In actual fact you are saving him from a crisis but he won't appreciate that right now. When he comes around he will come up with a better idea.

This.

OP, your children need one sensible parent.

Men like him drag familys down with their feckless bullshit.

Pack up his toys and ship him out if he doesn't shape up.

He's behaving like a spoiled teenager.

He can't get a loan himself because he has proved himself to be a bad risk - professional loan givers think that he won't be able to pay them back. So why should you take on that risk? You'll be lumbered with it, he won't be able to set it against business expenses ( a very good reason for it not being in your name) and he hasn't demonstrated that he can finance it.
Interest rates are going up, has he even calculated how much the loan repayments would be?
Anyway, don't do it. You can't afford it and it is stressing you out. What if you get made redundant? We are heading towards a recession, we all need to minimise our liabilities. Let him save up for a cheaper van, and then upgrade once he can afford to .

Oh dear @RemindMeAgain it does sound exhausting - I'm finding it emotionally exhausting just reading about him. I hope you find a resolution.

But it really sounds like YOU need to stay financially sensible for the sake of the whole family.

Thanks @WindyHedges I’m totally in the doghouse and wondering why I don’t deserve better than this.

You DO deserve better!

Another spoilt manchild

You deserve a whole load more better OP. Your DH is acting like a cunt.

And don't forget vans tend to have vat on them. If he buys it for the business he will be able to claim it as a capital allowance. AIA.

God, this sounds like my exH and my marriage. I had the good job, the decent credit rating, paid for everything, etc, while he ‘worked for himself’. I caved to the pressure and lent him the money for a car. I was left with significant debts I am still dealing with after we ended up splitting up. Don’t be me….

Wasters always like to ask partners to take debt out in the name of others.

Huge red flag.

You can't take a loan out in your name for a reason.

I really hope the OP will get her ducks in a row.

This is her life going forward if she stays with him.

Sponger.

You definitely do deserve better OP.
He sounds awful.

He sounds horrible.

It's not your job to fix this. He needs to find employment, not dream like a child about running his own business.

I think you probably just need to keep telling him:

”The reason I have good enough credit to get this van and you don’t is because I wouldn’t get this van. It’s too big a financial risk.” And stick to it - broken record.

Thanks for your comments everyone, I’ve really taken them on board, especially the ones about my life going forwards and I’m seriously considering whether I want to do this anymore. I’m so tired of going from one crisis to the next and just not getting anywhere, it might be time to call it quits.

You are the family workhorse.

Your husband doesn't worry because he is a selfish arse who is quite happy to use you and allow you to carry the whole load.

Believe me, the loan in YOUR name is NOT accidental.

You take on the worry of it and the businesses success and it ties you too him.

Get some legal advice.

Your life would be better off without him.

You will be his retirement plan if you don't.

Start planning for yourself, he will only drag you down further.

Thank you @billy1966 I think you might be right, I think it’s something I’ve thought I might have to face up to for a while but this might just be the thing that pushes me to see a solicitor. I’m just so worried about not seeing my kids all the time, the thought of it is killing me.