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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone else feel like this?

12 replies

lonelybymyself · 23/10/2022 08:00

Anyone else raising young children without family around? It's literally just me and my partner (my family are at a significant drive away so it's every few months visit if that) and his family have no involvement with our DC. I feel so sad and alone much of the time when he's working etc ... a lot of it is just me pottering about with my DC alone (youngest 18 months). The youngest is also such a character with developing speech etc and a lot of the time I feel sad I have no one to share these moments with (partner works long hours).

I feel like everyone else has family around them and it just breaks my heart to feel so alone.

Anyone else feel this?

OP posts:
clpsmum · 23/10/2022 08:02

Yea I am in your position although (and I'm not trying to be better/worse than you!) I am a single mum. I live in Scotland and all my family are in England. I don't really have friends. Life is hard and I have not a soul to rely on. If you need to chat I'm happy to pm xx

lannistunut · 23/10/2022 08:03

You're not the only one, I promise. It is understandable you wish to share it.

I kept a journal of the best bits which was nice as I could notice and re-read.

Could you not phone your relatives?

Zoeyclash · 23/10/2022 08:04

Lots of people live away from their families so you are not alone. Try to meet up with other mums in your area through parent and toddler groups or other activities aimed at preschoolers. You will probably find other mums in your situation looking for friendship and company also.

B1pbop · 23/10/2022 08:08

There are plenty of people around who feel similar and you’re not alone.

Try the Peanut app to find local people.

@clpsmum try the Frolo app too.

Tigofigo · 23/10/2022 08:11

YANBU and it's hard. GPs aren't that interested unfortunately either, as they've never really formed strong bonds with the DC due to being far away.

Honestly I've only found one person in real life who was in a similar situation with no family childcare, regular visits etc.

We do have some nice friends and I have worked VERY hard on building these, but they all have family to help and rely on so they don't need to rely on me the same as I do on them.

It's hard not to feel a bit envious, resentful and lonely.

Tbh we spend a lot of time as a nuclear family unit and have learned that that's ok.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 23/10/2022 08:18

I live in London and most people here live far from their families (in my case they are in Ireland). It has made me realise what a benefit local family would be, but there is no need to be alone. You make friends and build a life where you live.

OperaStation · 23/10/2022 08:21

We have no family within 3 hours drive but I don’t feel how you describe at all. We like where we live, we both have jobs and we both have friends that we have made locally.

Do you work? Do you go to toddler groups etc and meet people?

Original poster
lonelybymyself · 23/10/2022 08:23

Thanks everyone. Nice to see I'm not alone after all.

I do work yes. I also have a handful of local mum friends but it's not the same as having say a mum or dad popping in on a weekend to see their grandchildren. That's what I feel I'm missing. If that make any sense.

OP posts:
clpsmum · 23/10/2022 08:31

@B1pbop I've not heard of that, thanks off to investigate now!

Cinders88 · 23/10/2022 08:41

lonelybymyself · 23/10/2022 08:00

Anyone else raising young children without family around? It's literally just me and my partner (my family are at a significant drive away so it's every few months visit if that) and his family have no involvement with our DC. I feel so sad and alone much of the time when he's working etc ... a lot of it is just me pottering about with my DC alone (youngest 18 months). The youngest is also such a character with developing speech etc and a lot of the time I feel sad I have no one to share these moments with (partner works long hours).

I feel like everyone else has family around them and it just breaks my heart to feel so alone.

Anyone else feel this?

I totally understand!

DS has just turned one. DH is away a lot with his job, sometimes two weeks at a time. A lot of the time, I’m doing things alone. I have one sister nearly three hours away, my parents and other sister are five hours away. DH dad and brother are in Scotland, we’re in England. DH nan lives locally and we pop to see her now and then, when DH is home and has some free time. DH auntie and uncle also live locally, and we try and tie in with them when we see his nan. It’s not that kind of relationship where they pop round regularly or look after DS.

I’ve struggled for a long time to make close friends .. I tend to keep people at a distance due to being shit on in the past. Trust issues. But I’m trying to put that behind me for the sake of DS, and made friends with a pregnant lady I met at the hospital. Her DD is only five weeks older than DS, so it’s nice that we’ve kept in touch and we meet pretty much monthly for a lunch date. I’ve got DS enrolled in baby classes that start next month, so will hopefully
meet some potential new friends there. I take DS to soft play regularly too and chat with the other parents. I just don’t want DS missing out on socialising with others because of my lack of friends.

So, I get how lonely it can feel, and you’re not the only one x

B1pbop · 23/10/2022 19:44

@lonelybymyself it makes a lot of sense. I remember finding the weekends really hard when I was newly widowed because everyone else seemed to reserve weekends for ‘family time’ and I felt like a spare part with those who invited me and my child to join them at weekends. It takes time to find your new rhythm, but you will. Flowers

twigy100 · 23/10/2022 19:54

Hi Op,

I'm in a similar situation, my parents passed away when I was 24, no siblings and what remains close family I do have I have gone NC with. My husbands mom lives 4.5 hours away and his brothers kids are a lot older than our 2 year old. It's very lonely, I've had to push myself out of my comfort zone and make new plans with moms at nursery/ NCT group but I still find myself missing that family connection especially when friends are constantly talking about their kids being with the grandparents x

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