...and order a new washing machine?
The current one is three years old, bought after my Bosch did fifteen years of loyal service.
I decided my oldest running shoes would benefit from a wash, so I mentioned this to DP. Usually, a casual mention of anything results in zero action, so I didn't think anything of it until I heard the thuds as he hadn't added towels to cushion them as I would have done.
A fortnight goes by and I decide to do the pile that was building up whilst he was out - only to find that the seal had torn once three million gallons of water comes gushing out. Oh well, I didn't give him specific instructions only that I'd do it when the bath towels went in later to stop the trainers getting caught in the door seal, shit happens. Might have been nice if he'd have mentioned it at the time, though, I'm running out of clothes.
I ordered a new seal which eventually arrived. Had to show him how to get the machine out by wiggling it from side to side, but that's OK. not everybody knows how to get things out of tight spaces. His idea was to get a metal bar in there and not worry about breaking the casing, the freezer or the cupboard next to it. There was also the 'you won't have room, it doesn't come out any further than that (I unscrew the hose clip, the hose magically gets longer, problem solved).
After some effort, got the top off (it had swollen where somebody hadn't been clearing up water spills as promptly as I would do, but it came off in the end). His suggestion had been to get a saw and cut it in half or snap the side trim to lift the lid up instead of sliding it out the back as designed. Because I had to have been wrong, it was impossible for the lid to slide out.
Started putting the seal on. It's a pig of a job getting the folds to open in order for it to catch on a tiny metal lip, even with using washing up liquid as a lubricant. After a couple of breaks, cramp, hand pain, etc, etc, it finally popped on all the way round when I muttered at the thing 'You do know I can afford to replace you, don't you?'. So time to put the retaining wire back on, for which I need help, as it's held by a spring, rather than an easily tightened nut. DP keeps leaning on the inside, so just for the last bit, I ask him to use a flat bladed screwdriver to stretch it over the top as I ensure the wire stays around the rest of the seal. He pulls the wire out of my hands and the seal partially off. I replace the seal (which takes ages, more cramp, hand pain, etc). Try again. He pulls to the side and the seal pops off, narrowly missing my eyes with the screwdriver. My fault because I didn't say don't pull out and to the side when I said 'I'm holding the bottom of the wire over the lip, you need to use the screwdriver like this - shows him - to get the spring to stretch slightly and for it to go over the lip to hold the seal on'. Last try.
As I'm fighting the damned seal again, the drum nearly takes my fingers off because he's leant on it and stretched a supporting spring. I didn't tell him not to lean his entire body weight on something supported by two springs, either.
When I express frustration about it, he suggests that next time, I make sure I know what I'm doing before I have a great idea and that there was nothing wrong with having a mountain of dirty clothes and a permanently wet floor as now, I've broken the washing machine.
He's also just suggested that we don't need to buy a new one because things can be washed in the bath and it's not as if I need that many clothes for work. I have no clean knickers, no clean socks, the bedlinen needs doing and I might well need to get blood out of what I'm wearing today if he says one more word to me.
I could go to the laundrette. I certainly don't trust him to do it when there's weird settings like hot and cold he could pick for knitwear and bedlinen respectively or I could just order the damn Miele I wanted in the first place instead of the cheap ass Hoover he bought because it was cheap.
By the way, I did look into getting a repairman in to do it. The minimum cost would have been £120 plus part at £70, plus VAT. The part costs £18. And the first available time was November 29th. The machine cost £230.
Shall I just give up and buy the machine and book a hitman?
Obviously lighthearted, but it would be nice if something went smoothly for a change and he wasn't unable to understand what I didn't just say to him, I explained and showed him before he decided to ignore me and yank the damn thing out.