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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

should i say something?

12 replies

whatdoidododoo · 21/10/2022 23:26

DC who is 9 with ex, live close by in same town. Ex has a wife who works with one of my friends in said town. He's been with her for around 7 years now married about 2. We all get on fine. They also have two young DC.

My friend and exs wife work on different teams but within the same small building. They don't talk loads but are friendly enough and sit by each other. Exes wife sits next to another colleague who she's apparently very close to.

Basically my friend overheard her talking with this friend/colleague about my child, saying she can't wait for him to go home i.e. back to me on Sunday (week on week off) and since having her children she doesn't 'have the patience' anymore. Apparently this came about because exes wife's friend has started seeing someone with children and exes wife was 'warning her off becoming a step parent'.

I realise this is 3rd party info but I don't think my friend would lie to me about what she overheard.

Should I say something to my ex? I'm aware I don't have the full picture so I wasn't planning on going all guns blazing or anything. I feel very awkward now. There have been issues since their young DC were born where our son doesn't feel like his dad prioritises him sometimes but he still enjoys going and loves his dad and his siblings.

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 21/10/2022 23:28

I'd leave it. She's allowed to have a vent and moan. I have days when I feel like that about my own children and they only live here!!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 21/10/2022 23:28

Your 'friend' seems to be stirring up a perfectly amenable situation.

Why would you want to escalate it on something that might not even be true?

Thesearmsofmine · 21/10/2022 23:28

I wouldn’t say anything, she was having a moan to her friend. We all let off steam sometimes.

SnarkyBag · 21/10/2022 23:30

Your friend was way out of line telling you this. She doesn’t sound like she was saying anything awful about your child just being honest about the reality of being a step parent.

I don’t see what good will come from raising it

ToFindNewWays · 21/10/2022 23:31

That must have been really hard for you to hear.

But if your son is happy and the situation is working, I’m not sure it would gain to say anything to your ex.

Difficult not to though.

Kitkatcatflap · 21/10/2022 23:35

If it had come from your son then yes definitely but as it's come via the friend of a friend - no. She was venting to a non involved party but I'd your son hasn't said anything than she holds it together at home.

BattenburgDonkey · 21/10/2022 23:42

Your friend really shouldn’t have said anything. If your child is happy around this woman generally then I’d leave it. Also depends entirely on what sort of relationship you have with the ex. But really telling him you heard from a friend who works nearby his wife and overheard a convo and then bitched about it to you… who would listen to that and be on your side really? I think you’d just stir up trouble for yourself.

TheCurseOfBoris · 21/10/2022 23:48

I wouldn't mention it to your ex right now. If he ever mentions reducing visits etc, that would be the time. Your DS is only 9 and hopefully blissfully unaware of any tension when he's with his DF and to be fair to ex's wife, she probably is very pleasant/nice to him when he's there. She's allowed to vent though. We all do it. I don't blame your friend for relaying the info, it could have been the piece of puzzle you needed.

Original poster

whatdoidododoo · 22/10/2022 09:08

Thanks it just wasn't that long ago that DS made comments about how he doesn't feel as important anymore so it's hard to hear that on top.

OP posts:

Kitkatcatflap · 22/10/2022 09:22

If your son has said he feels less important of late, then maybe mention that to his Dad. It must be hard to hear but if they have younger children, time is always going to be 'shared'.

My friend's son age 10 told her that his sister being born was the worst day of his life as it meant they (her and his Dad) only loved him half as much. My friend was in tears on the phone ......

KangarooKenny · 22/10/2022 09:26

He won’t get as much attention with two little ones tnere, have you had that conversation ?
The only thing I’d say to dad is that he would appreciate some 1:1 time occasionally.

Mamoun · 22/10/2022 09:26

Your friend should have kept their mouth shut. It is a natural emotion for your ex's new wife. At the end of the day she's not his mum. As long as she recognises the emotion, doesn't act on it and is a kind person things will fall into place. She might be going through a difficult phase. Remember what it is like to have small children. It's hard!

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