RSVP

[Suzi9989]

What is the reasonable amount of time RSVP for a hen do?

Received a WhatsApp message Weds morning invitation to a hen do next April with activities with approx cost of 300 on accommodation, travel and spending to be added. The large whatapp gp had been set up by the bride with over 50 ppl. I read the message and not thought much else as message said pls book own accommodation. Message did not state RSVP date or expecting a reply.

2 days later, this eveing. Bride was upset and disappointed no one replied and has now cancelled the do. I received a personal message saying she had been in tears due to lack of responses that I read message and not replied....AIBU not replying within 48hrs? Is her expectation a bit high? Just to add, we were work colleagues 10 years ago. Not seen each other for 5yrs and we live 3 hours apart. The odd message every 4-6 mths.

Yeah, she's being an unreasonable drama queen!

Has anyone in the group replied? Or has her message just been left hanging there?

Most people need a bit of head space (and very possibly a sensible discussion at home if they’re in a couple and/or have DC). Of course lots of people will wait until the weekend to work out what’s possible!

I'd expect some acknowledgement of a WhatsApp message, even if it is non committal.

It might have been nice to acknowledge it?
Since you'd read the invite.

I usually say something along the lines of

'Congrats again on the wedding! Hen sounds fab but I'll have to check logistics and get back to you. Thanks for the invite!'

(And usually follow up a few days later with an apology and excuse)

Beware the bridezilla!!!

Message did not state RSVP date or expecting a reply.

She should have put a date if she wanted a fast response but a RSVP is by its very name expecting a reply (that's what the R stands for = repondez i.e. respond/reply)

About 5 ppl replied they had big birthdays/ holidays/ events already booked.

Honestly, for me, I wanted to discuss with DH over the weekend as he will be looking after DCs and money is already tight. The cost can be around 600 all in

Why the hell would you go when you haven't seen her for 5 years?!

This reminds me of dealing with my teenage DD! Constantly have to remind her that instant replies are not a thing becaue of people having other priorities/ doing other things/just thinking things through is very much a thing /not glued to SM/ if she hassles them for a reply because she wants it now that is irritating.

I also work with teenagers and it is the same conversation. The difference is they still have an undeveloped brain which particularly is undeveloped around emotions and this kind of stuff until 25. I do not really indulge it and just point out all the reasons above. In an adult? I would very much judge them and if a friend point out why (eg- self obsessed).

Good point on acknowledgement on mesaage... Thank you...

She’s inviting over 50 people to her hen do?!

That will be organised chaos. How many of those people are like you and haven’t seen her for years? People need time to think about their finance, annual leave, childcare, etc plus if they even really want to go. While an initial acknowledgment would have been nice from everyone, it’s a bit of a knee jerk reaction for her to cancel it.

Although she does sound bridezilla-ish I do actually feel a bit sorry for her. The only people that responded out of 50 aren't going and nobody else acknowledged the msg 🙈 ouch.

She was most likely excited and hoping for the same amount of enthusiasm so an anti climax and a very dramatic result.

But yeh wouldn't be spending that on a hen for anyone that wasn't close fam or friends!

Thank you all for your comments/ advice really appreciate it

Exactly, that should have been an immediate no. She sounds ott.

It wouldn't occur to me to invite someone I'd not seen for years
Is she one of these that likes to be seen with lots of friends? Look how popular I am.