I'm so embarrassed, any tips to make internals less bad?

[Tezco]

Hi all,

I just want to say I'm okay with smears but I just can't seem to stand pregnancy internals.

I had to have a c section due to previous sexual trauma and they didn't actually need to do any internals in my first pregnancy and that was okay but In this pregnancy I thought my waters had broken at 29 weeks and midwife explained she needs to do an internal to make sure it wasn't my waters so she did it, it hurt so bad I felt like I was being split in half so I begged her to stop and cried uncontrollably, she stopped but did it again after I had some gas and air - the pain was still there afterwards and it reminded me of the past so I spent the next few days crying and feeling awful.

It's happened again tonight - I had a false labour but having never been in labour before I wasn't sure and I'm having another c section so they asked me to come in just to double check - the doctor wanted to do an internal to check my cervix which again as soon as she inserted the thing that stretches it I was crying and begging her to stop and sobbing uncontrollably again and I just feel embarrassed and a bit pathetic.

I'm hoping I don't need to have another as I should be having my c section in a little over three weeks but just in case does anyone have any recommendations on how to make it easier ?

please don’t ever forget that you don’t HAVE to have an examination, you can just say no. If they’re this traumatic for you I would be really considering whether it’s worth any more x

They really shouldn’t have needed to do internals for those reasons there are alternatives, decline any future ones and get them to find alternative solutions.
you don’t even need them in labour

I’m sorry you felt traumatised by the experience. You are not pathetic.

I also have a bad past and so refused internals in pregnancies and labours, and still have never had one despite vaginal births. As per PPs, there are other ways of diagnosing problems, just because a procedure is routine to them doesn’t mean it’s unavoidable or compulsory.

You're not pathetic at all.
If you have any issues before your C-section (hopefully not) tell them that you find internal examinations very triggering and traumatic due to history of sexual assault. Ask how they can help you without putting you through unnecessary stress.

Oh thank you, I didn't know they were alternatives they sort of said I can decline them if I wanted but made it sound like it needed to be done and I felt like if I didn't do them I'd be putting my baby at risk.

Yes they’re very good at that, they could have swabbed you for a certain enzyme present to check if you’re about to go into labour. They can test the leaked fluid. They could have hooked you up to a tracing machine to check for contractions. And an internal scan probe to check for dilation is not the best but much better than a manual internal check, they could have offered you that.