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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell this woman what her ex boss has been saying about her?

59 replies

LemonTreeSkies · 21/10/2022 18:08

I am a client of a company. Yesterday the company owner called me to say this woman, who was my preferred person to deal with, is no longer working for them but they will replace her and still offer their usual, wonderful service blah, blah…
He said she left because she found the job too much with having young children as well. This us where I feel he should have left the conversation.
However, when I said I understood her decision but I was sorry because I liked her, liked dealing with her and appreciated the service I received from her, he went on a bit if a rant. He said what he was offering was not a job, but a career. He said she handed her notice in on a Friday of a holiday weekend and that he considered that unprofessional.
He made a few other quips and went on to say that she told another staff member that she just wanted to work from home in her pyjamas. He made his disgust at that quite clear.
I feel that the unprofessional one here is HIM and it made me quite uncomfortable to listen to him badmouth her.
A few years ago this woman’s predecessor “left”. Again, someone else I liked dealing with. He told me the ins and outs of this person’s departure, that he lied to the company owner, and what about etc. As a client I don’t need to know this (it didn’t affect me negatively in any way) and I don’t like the lack of boundaries this company owner seems to have.

Would IBU to contact this woman and tell her what he’s said about her? On one hand I like to live a quiet, peaceful life and don’t want any comeback or drama, but on the other hand I think he’s way out of order and extremely unprofessional (and unpleasant).

OP posts:
Lightningfast · 21/10/2022 18:35

You should indeed tell her. If what he is saying is true she won’t care; if not, it’s slanderous and could ruin her reputation. She might want to take some action about that - I know I would if I was on the receiving end.

magicstar1 · 21/10/2022 18:37

Could she work for you instead? If she’s been great to deal with, is it something she could take on?

HerculesMulligan · 21/10/2022 18:40

You have a choice about how to respond. Someone providing me/my business with a service sent me an email unfairly criticising one of his junior colleagues for something she couldn't have avoided, and I replied to say that we'd always found her work good and were sympathetic to her current circumstances. He got the message that we weren't 'siding' with him and backed off. I hope he's been nicer to her too, though I don't know.

YellowTreeHouse · 21/10/2022 18:41

No, you shouldn’t tell her. But you should tell him he’s being unprofessional.

DavesSpareDeckChair · 21/10/2022 19:19

YellowTreeHouse · 21/10/2022 18:41

No, you shouldn’t tell her. But you should tell him he’s being unprofessional.

Agree.

NoSquirrels · 21/10/2022 19:24

Most decent people who hear what he has to say will have the same reaction as you - that the boss is an unprofessional twat, and therefore it’s unsurprising she left. I’d be surprised if it affected her job prospects unless it’s a teeny tiny industry or place.

If you did want to contact her, I’d only do so to say how sad you are to no longer work with her as you always valued her service, and to keep you informed if there’s any chance she’ll end up working for a company offering a similar service…

Maybe I’m looking in the wrong direction and should talk to him instead about how distasteful and unprofessional I find his comments about ex staff to be.

You should certainly tell him this when you say you’ll be no longer using his services.

ehb102 · 21/10/2022 19:49

It takes two to hurt you. An enemy to slander you and a friend to bring the news to you.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 21/10/2022 19:52

She obviously left because it wasn't great.

Why does she need this nastiness in her headspace?
What precisely does it achieve for her, for you?

BetsyBigNose · 21/10/2022 19:55

I totally get why you'd want to tell her, this guy sounds like an arsehole, but I suspect it would only serve to upset her, so is probably just left. If it's really bothering you, you could complain to his HR team that he was being unprofessional, or you could take your business elsewhere and make sure his boss knows why!

Original poster
LemonTreeSkies · 21/10/2022 19:57

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 21/10/2022 19:52

She obviously left because it wasn't great.

Why does she need this nastiness in her headspace?
What precisely does it achieve for her, for you?

There’s nothing in it for me except potential backlash which I don’t want.

Im trying to work out if it’s better she knows what he's telling people or to just leave it.
Despite posters jumping to the conclusion that I’m out to gossip, be the bearer of bad news, stir the pot etc., I’m really not. I don’t know what is the best course of action to take which is why I asked on here.

OP posts:
Original poster
LemonTreeSkies · 21/10/2022 19:59

BetsyBigNose · 21/10/2022 19:55

I totally get why you'd want to tell her, this guy sounds like an arsehole, but I suspect it would only serve to upset her, so is probably just left. If it's really bothering you, you could complain to his HR team that he was being unprofessional, or you could take your business elsewhere and make sure his boss knows why!

He owns the company, there is no boss above him. It’s not a massive business either, no HR team. They do do big business though and are good at what they do.
DH said the woman we were dealing with was the main reason we stayed with this company (it’s not a company we deal with often, once or twice a year maybe) so we will think about moving.

OP posts:
BattenburgDonkey · 21/10/2022 20:04

LemonTreeSkies · 21/10/2022 19:57

There’s nothing in it for me except potential backlash which I don’t want.

Im trying to work out if it’s better she knows what he's telling people or to just leave it.
Despite posters jumping to the conclusion that I’m out to gossip, be the bearer of bad news, stir the pot etc., I’m really not. I don’t know what is the best course of action to take which is why I asked on here.

Show quote history

It’s not really jumping to conclusions, it’s giving you the opinions that you asked for… wouldn’t really be helpful if everyone just agreed with you despite not thinking it was the right thing to do.

Ludo19 · 21/10/2022 20:14

Take your business elsewhere OP. If he bitches about his own staff, you can bet he bitches about his clients.....the ones who makes him money. Don't tell her though, just look elsewhere to take your business.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 21/10/2022 20:21

He sounds sexist to me, Id be moving my business.

Dashdotdotdash · 21/10/2022 20:29

Get on Google, Linked In etc to find out where the woman is working now. If she's working in the same industry, switch your business to her new firm.

I once worked for a legal firm that used to behave like this whenever anyone left. They also forbade them from telling clients they were leaving or where they were going to, despite the fact that their own terms of business said the client would be kept informed of potential changes in personnel dealing with their cases. It was utterly stupid because the clients just got pissed off at having changes landed on them without warning, and almost always they tracked down where the former case owner had gone to and transferred their case. To no-one's surprise, that firm is no longer in business.

TheCatterall · 21/10/2022 20:37

@LemonTreeSkies I’d actually contact the boss or other senior managers and explain that the level of detail he went into on this call and the previous one when someone left made you feel that a professional working boundary had been crossed.

Also.

attach a picture of you working from home in your pjs with a brood of children.

billy1966 · 21/10/2022 20:41

Ludo19 · 21/10/2022 20:14

Take your business elsewhere OP. If he bitches about his own staff, you can bet he bitches about his clients.....the ones who makes him money. Don't tell her though, just look elsewhere to take your business.

This.

Is she on LinkedIn?

If she is, you may find she has moved company.

He sounds awful.

I would be bad mouthing him!.....he clearly can't keep his best staff.

sobeyondthehills · 21/10/2022 20:44

If you could, I would leave and then leave a review of his business.

Aphidsandhoneybees · 21/10/2022 20:45

I would not say anything and use a different company from now on if you can, he’s the unprofessional one and if he’s saying the same thing to other clients then chances are they will think he’s unprofessional too.

Naunet · 21/10/2022 20:53

I think you’d be better off complaining to his boss, assuming he doesn’t own the company?

Naunet · 21/10/2022 20:55

Sorry, just saw he does own the company. In that case, maybe write to him and tell him it was unprofessional. I think telling her will possibly just make her feel worse, as there’s not much she can do about it, but maybe you can look into offering her the work as a freelancer?

Chocolatelabradorsarethebest · 21/10/2022 20:59

I think what you mean is, partly quoting your OP is ‘I like to live a quiet and peaceful life and don’t want any comeback or drama’ but am considering being a complete shitstirer for something that isn’t any of my business and I don’t know the complete story of…Aibu?

Naunet · 21/10/2022 21:05

Chocolatelabradorsarethebest · 21/10/2022 20:59

I think what you mean is, partly quoting your OP is ‘I like to live a quiet and peaceful life and don’t want any comeback or drama’ but am considering being a complete shitstirer for something that isn’t any of my business and I don’t know the complete story of…Aibu?

Well the whole point is it’s none of her business, yet that didn’t stop the unprofessional boss from telling her all about it! He’s the gossip here.

ScaryFaces · 21/10/2022 21:07

Yes, it was really unprofessional of him, and he shouldn't have told you her reasons for leaving (which are her business) and certainly shouldn't have gone off on a rant about her. But I really don't see what would be gained - for her, or you, or anyone - by telling her. She used to work for the man, she probably already knows he's an unprofessional arsehole, and she can't exactly do anything about it, so telling her would just upset and frustrate her for no reason. Especially if you're not actually in contact with this woman for any other reason and would have to go out of your way specifically to find her and tell her this. Why bother? What's the gain for anyone?

Ermengarde · 21/10/2022 21:10

The most effective thing you could do would be to email him and explain how unprofessional you felt he was. I can’t imagine any owner/director who wouldn’t change their behaviour after hearing that from a paying client. He might not care about his staff but he will definitely care about his revenue.