To file a police report 6 years later?

[DeadMenDontGrape]

I want to keep this very long story as brief as possible.

Was with my DS father for a year before I fell pregnant, which is when he started becoming controlling. A year after DS was born I fell pregnant again, he said if I didn't get rid of it then he'd leave. Being terrified and only 20, I agreed to have an abortion. I got an infection from this and was told to not have sex for about 6 weeks.

This was unacceptable to him. He would beg, every morning, every evening. I was dealing with post natal depression, plus the trauma of an abortion, plus the nausea from the infection. Sex was the furthest thing from my mind. I eventually gave in after 4 weeks, which resulted in another pretty serious infection.

3 months later he's begging every day, I'm saying no. I have a staff party which I attend and get drunk. I get home, stumble upstairs, fall face down on top the duvet, clothes, make up and shoes still on. I wake up in the morning naked, still on top of the duvet.
I asked him why I was naked, he said "I had sex with you last night but you were passed out, so it was shit."

This sentence was a knife to my heart. I knew it wasn't right, but was I'm complete detail that I'd been raped. He wasn't a stranger down a dark alley. He was my partner, my sons father.

This continued on for 2 years, I'd reluctantly agree to sex after him begging non stop, I'd feel disgusting during and usually go and silently cry after it was done. One night I woke up to find him on top of me, and that was the straw that broke the camels back.

I kicked him out, told him I wasn't going to press charges or tell anyone because I wanted DS to have a normal life with both parents.

That was 6 years ago. He's moved on, has a partner that he's recently had a baby with. I've been consistently in therapy for about 6 months now and it's given me so much clarity. My therapist has told me that it's never too late to file a police report, and thinks it would be good for my closure, as its still something I struggle with especially as there was never accountability. He didn't deny it to begin with, but I'm certain that if I ever brought it up with him now, he'd deny it.

I'm completely torn, 50/50. I feel it would be essential for my healing journey, but I definitely don't want to bring it all back up especially now as the timing would seem very suspicious what with his new baby, I know I'd be vilified and made to seem like a revengeful jealous ex.

Would it completely unreasonable of me to file a police report 6 years on?

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Presumably he will be doing the same to other women.

You would not be unreasonable but with the shocking statistics in this country I can’t help but think this would just be adding pain.
Realistically I can’t see him getting charged.

I'm so sorry. It would not be unreasonable to file a report, I'd maybe have a bit more of an explore about what outcome you would like from doing so, and how likely that is to happen. The process could take a toll of it's own.

You could go down to the station and ask to see a female officer for an off the record chat without submitting any information, that might help you decide. Good luck Op x

I’m so sorry that you’ve gone through this, I have too. I’ve also been through the police and court systems.
I had fairly strong evidence against my rapist and he still got away with it, after 2 1/2 years of hell.

oh and I wasn’t allowed any therapy during that time as they can argue it can alter your memory of events…..

I would really really think long and hard about this…… is it worth it? Will he get justice? How will this effect your child? If you go to police, at some point your child will also know this, so this will need to be disclosed to them too.

sorry the justice system is so shit and there’s so many abusive arseholes out there

You can’t have an off the record chat.

once OP discloses abuse to the police, they can charge someone without the OP’s consent. It’s to protect victims of abuse, but be careful of advising stuff like this that could blow up and cause someone more harm

I'm very very sorry this has happened to you, and I'm even more sorry to say I dont think you will succeed in getting it to court let alone a conviction. One of my dear family was drugged and gang raped, even though the police believed her, even though she identified the ring leader they dropped the case. I'm sorry you and the woman of this country are constantly let down, we all deserve much better x

I would file a report.

I wouldn't expect anything to come of it but find it's important: in case another woman files another report against him, there is precedence

So sorry that happened to you 😔

You would be perfectly reasonable to report it, but you do have to bear in mind that you may not get it he outcome you are hoping for.

Something similar happened to me years ago with my ex. He was abusing me physically, emotionally, sexually. He raped me once while I was bleeding from cervical erosion and had been advised not to have sex.

He admitted it afterward and even sent texts apologising about it.

I went to the police months later after he'd physically attacked me again and it felt like the final straw. They arrested him but of course he denied everything and being the lying manipulative weasel that he was I'm pretty sure that he convinced the police I was lying. They refused to retrieve the old text messages even though they did say it was something that was possible but difficult and may be pointless.

However, that was 2006 and things may have moved on from then. One thing is when you report people like that it may scare them enough to stop them from doing it it someone else and at the very least it's on record if they do do it again.

@Newusernameaug That's not been my experience, but I appreciate yours might be different.

Thank you all so much for your kind words 💐

That's exactly why I'm reluctant to do anything about it - because 6 years on just as he's had a new baby is probably the worst time to report it if I want to be taken seriously. But on the flip side, if I don't report it aren't I just adding to the problem?

It's such a difficult decision 😪

I'm so sorry this happened to you, he sounds vile.
If you make an accusation they will very likely arrest him and question him. But crucually, it's out of your hands then so you lose control all over again. And a prosecution is unlikely. I think you really need to consider it very carefully indeed.