To not want to have my niece on my only day off with my DS

[Corbiere92]

Currently on MAT leave but returning soon and (foolishly?) agreed to have my niece during my only day off work in the week.

I’ll work 4 days starting Nov and agreed I could have my niece on that day, while obviously also having my little one. Niece is 2.5 yrs old.

AIBU if I say I’d rather have my DS on his own? I know childcare costs are pricey etc but now it’s getting closer I’m really regretting agreeing to it, I have enjoyed MAT leave and spending time with my LO and I know I won’t get to give him the same focus and attention with my niece to care for too… but I don’t want to upset the family and feel like it might throw the cat amongst the pigeons??

Thanks all

So currently the agreed arrangement is
M - my mom and stepdad have both
T - my SIL non working day (she has both)
W - my day off (I have both)
T - nursery
F - my dad and his partner have both

I obviously don’t expect my SIL to have both if I don’t so would happily be putting him in nursery on a Tuesday.

I broached it with both parents when I was preggo - along the lines of what are you thinking / should we (me and my SIL) have one day each for example, but they both separately said they would happily have both together… (and have repeatedly since) but tbh that did probably play into why I agreed originally - family expectation (I also agreed while I was preggo.. why!?! I don’t know can I blame pregnancy hormones? It
seems so long ago now)

I am the only person so far who has had both together for any stretch of time so I am very much open to the fact that when everyone else has to do the same I might be having to up my DS’s days in nursery!

I would check with nursery first if they actually have availability. You might be burning your bridges

Check that the nursery can have YOUR child for an extra day.

Definitely not. 2.5yo is a difficult age and you would need to monitor them constantly, let alone your own. I would decline, it will be hard work and very restrictive on your time with ds. Also what happens if your niece is sick what happens? If her parents feel it's not that serious and send her over, would that annoy you?

How long ago did you agree?
I actually feel really bad for SIL as the arrangement would have been great.

I agree with this. (Although I do see why you want time on your own with DS, op, I just think it's going to cause a lot of upset after making the arrangements).

You need to give more notice if she has to find alternative childcare. Maybe until Christmas?

If your SIL hasn't had both for long yet then I'd hang tough and wait until she has had a few full days with both herself. She might suggest stoping before you.

Speak up now, OP!

I think you’ve left it really late to change your mind and your SIL might be annoyed at you changing the goal posts.

If you really don’t want to do it, let them know ASAP.

Have a trial run with DN being dropped and picked up at times you would be expected to have her.
See how the day goes. Give honest feedback at the end of the day as to whether it worked out or not. Give specifics as to what did and didn’t work.
Make your decision after that

This.

You're using your maternity leave (which is essentially to look after your new baby) to give them a day of free childcare.

Is your DB and/or SiL offering to look after your child for 1 day a week in return??

Thanks everyone! Genuinely helpful to hear thoughts.

My nursery is fine, I’ve already checked in case anything changes and I can put him in extra if I want or need.

I’m really conflicted hence my post, I do feel bad for agreeing, I guess I didn’t know what I was really agreeing to and it’s only really something I’ve become worried about now!

Just to decide whether I cut losses now and give more notice or try it out a bit first, but either way I’ll happily work with my brother and SIL to give them more notice if I need to.

For those that asked, nope I’ve not had any offer from them while I’ve been on MAT leave to have my DS but I have done my day for them already (only a few weeks) because of SIL changing jobs, so it has been one sided so far! I assume they wouldn’t say no if I asked but I didn’t see the need while I’m off anyway!

Very awkward situation and I can understand why you are having second thoughts but I think you really need to give the arrangements a try for a month or so before changing the plan

Considering you are accepting free childcare from your parents who will have both of their DGC to care for together then it is going to home across as quite selfish that you aren't prepared to do the same (even though one of the children is yours!)

If I was one of the grandparents (or their partners) I would think you were taking the piss a bit if I'm honest

It also puts your DB & SIL in a difficult situation

NTA, but tell them now. The more notice they have, the better.

I get that @StopFeckingFaffing but I have on numerous occasions offered to put DS in nursery one of the days if they only want one DG at a time… I know my brother has not offered the same … and I am also financially able and willing to put him into nursery as much as required so I can work. That said, I’m not going to do that if my (amazing I know) parents have insisted they want to have him, and again I know my brother wouldn’t even consider it.

I guess I have to be prepared for them to change their minds if/when I verbalise what I’m thinking!