in asking exH to drop children off early so DD can go to friend's bday party?

[mistressmiggins]

Yes its his weekend (he lives 2.5 hr drive away)
I have asked him to return for the 12noon party. I have said he can then take DS out for 4 hrs while I sit at the party with DD so not asking him to miss out on the children - just asking him to spend the time up here at home.

I know that all he will have planned on Sunday is sit around reading papers while kids play or watch TV so Im asking him to make the journey early for DD.

Im not taking time off him...and to be honest, even if he has something planned for Sunday morning, surely as access is about the CHILDREN, if she wants to attend her friend's party, shouldnt her feelings be taken into account?

DD has missed 3 parties in the last 3 months because they have fallen on his weekend on a Saturday so I havent expected her to go & havent even asked. I just dont think that asking him to come back is unreasonable but apparantely it is.

Message withdrawn

Hi. I have an alternate weekend arrangement too with my ex h. I sympathise as my ds always seemed to miss out on parties as they fell when he was at his dad's.

Not sure what arrangement you have but our usual arrangement is that ex h has the children from after school on a Friday until late afternoon 5/6 pm on a Sunday. Back in December when one of the children got an invite and it fell on a Saturday lunchtime, I suggested to ex h that I held onto the children on the Friday night and he had them from after the party until early Monday. Clearly you would have the travel issue on Monday so that presumably might not be an option.

Alternatively could you not just swap weekends??

my feelings exactly Aimsum
my ex doesnt see it like that
his words were "no they need to spend time with their father"
I havent said they cant - just asking for him to come up HERE to spend time with them.

dont know what to do....tell DD she cant go now

trouble is that DD is having a little girl trouble with her friends and i feel that if she doesnt go, it's yet another chance for her to feel left out.

Monday not an option at all
cant swap weekends either as he's not keen on this unless it benefits him

i just dont see why he cant come back up for the party & then do something local with DS for a few hours. Ds would like that but obviously doesnt fit in in with ex.

What annoys me is that he does NOTHING with them - parties, swimming lessons, ballet shows. I have to swap my day if any of these fall as he finds them boring

Unless he had something particularly special planned I don't think it is unreasonable at all. Being a parent is about putting your children's needs first a fair bit of the time - that is what he needs t think about.

I agree Hulababy. Being a parent (even a part-time one) means taking into account what your children want to do (within reason).

It's not your DD's fault your relationship has broken down so she shouldn't have to miss out on a party because of it if there is nothing else planned.

ps could your DD ask her dad if she could go to the party, rather than you? Would that work?

It's not unreasonable at all.

Not unreasonable. Is your ex aware of the friend trouble? If he is, then it's horrible for a point to be made about his relationship at the expense of your dd's relationship with her friends. Doubly mean.

DD cant ask ex - wont make a difference - already explained it to ex - he's not bothered or not listening

what should I do?
If I let DCs go this weekend, he will just be late and DD will be disappointed

DS heard me talking about this to my brother and said to me tonight that if daddy wont let DD go to party, he will refuse to go & stay this weekend....I think DS is trying to be nice to me

I dont want an arguement - I think I'm not being unreasonable but ex wont see it like that.....

fed up with it all to be honest - DCs miss out cos he CHOSE to move 3 hrs away from us.

Have you asked him to swap the weekend instead? I'd be asking him how he's going to explain to her why she missed the party. Even if it's you that may have to tell her initially, surely when she sees him she's going to ask him or say something?

I'm on her behalf and on your behalf too.

he wont swap - it causes so much hassle asking him to swap that I dont bother anymore.

If the party had been earlier or on Sat, I wouldnt have entertained the idea. Unfortunately she knew about it b4 I could get the invite andn I just dont see why he cant come back up. Its purely because it will ruin his lazy morning at his house - which I can understand but feel with the situation with her friends, she needs to go.

I think ex will have a rude awakening as the children get older because with his present attitude, they will refuse to go full stop.