Feeling pathetic

[Aloneanddontlikeit]

Hi all. Have name changed as I feel very pathetic and I know mums I know are on here.

So I have 4 children. I'm early 30s and my youngest had started going to pre school for full days. Only a few a week.

After 9 years of being a sahm but also working from home I have realised I gate being alone at home. I can't even say its because I miss them. Its not.

I am actually quite anxious and nervous which is strange as before kids I was alone a lot.

Me and my husband have a good business. He works on site and me doing admin at home. He can't work at home and I can't do admin at the work place as it's in the hospitality sector no office available.

When he leaves for work after the school run or when I come home and he's already gone I feel a sense of dread and anxiety almost like I'm being watched and I'm waiting for something to happen. Even though I'm not being watched obviously.

It's a really horrible feeling.
Does anyone else get this and will it go away with time?

Anyone? :(

Dog?!

Unfortunately not. Dh doesn't like dogs and landlord said no pets...

Hi, I can’t say I can relate to how you’re feeling, sorry. I worked from home for many years and thoroughly enjoyed the solitude.

I’m guessing being a SAHM with four children you’re used to a very busy and bustling house! Is it just a case of getting used again to being on your own? It wouldn’t be surprising, going from a busy household to a quiet one is quite a change.

Do you have the radio/music on in the background?

I don't. But maybe I should. Its just a really horrible eery feeling which I know is stupid! As I'm normally very rational. I haven't told anyone this either as I'm aware I will look loopy!

Not unusual to feel unsettled somewhere really quiet that's usually noisy and busy.

The suggestion of radio/TV in the background is good. Can you organise the space differently so it's like a little change of scenery, might help a bit as well.

Good idea. However I have just done that. Turned the spare room into an office and have it the way I like it. But now can't sit there as I feel like this and have to take the laptop downstairs. I'm obviously just a bit crazy

Not crazy at all. It takes time to adapt to a new situation.

I came on to say dog.

Is it being alone or a bit of anxiety that all the children are out of the home?

I found it unsettling for a long time that they weren’t with me and I couldn’t help/protect/save them. When they were in different places to each other I found that even harder Especially when dh was away I liked having all the children home so I knew they were safe. It fades but took a while.

I wish it was that @Featherington but actually it's not. I'm used to them being at school. It's not anything to do with them. Which now sounds awful. But I know they are coming home so no worries about them. And I'm alone with them most of the time as dh is at work most of the time.

Just simply unsettling being home alone

I'm sure it will get better as time goes on. I was quite looking fotlrward to having time alone and can crave it but now I have it I don't like it haha.

It didn't help most people I speak to would say you won't know what to do with yourself when they are in school. I have plenty to do. Just can't distract myself from the fact I'm alone!

I felt like this after covid happened. I started to work from home, obviously had the children here home schooling. My DP was home on and off. But then everything returned back to normal and I was the only one who remained working in an empty house. I hated it!

it got better eventually I started to force myself to go out at lunch and get away from the house a bit more. Made myself so busy that eventually I started to enjoy resting at home and the peace and quiet again

I don’t know if yours is similar now, but getting yourself out as much as you can and changing your routine a bit may help over time. It was a horrible feeling for me it went on for well over 6 months so if it’s the same dress you feel I totally get it!

Same dread not dress 🤣

Thank you. Yes it probably is. I had coffee with a friend this morning. And planning to try and see a few others. I don't have any solid friend ships in this area yet as only moved just over a year ago and a lot of the ones I have made go out to work so jot always available. But will try and pencil a few more things in.

Thank you everyone for not making me feel stupid!

You're just out of practice, you'll get used to it

Being left in a home alone with out company can be a little disconcerting. I used to have quite bad anxiety and found that I often thought about things like "no one would know if anything happened to me for hours". That with a knowledge that you are trapped in your home because there is no other option for work might make you feel almost like being imprisoned. Your home stops being your sanctuary. I started getting envious of anyone who could go out.

It passes, just make sure you get some time out of the house in an evening or a walk at lunchtime so you have some freedom.

Could you research hot-desking/shared working spaces in your area? This could help with building friendships too.

Thank you.

Can't hot desk unfortunately. As I need all our files and there are many of them. Can't take them about. I will get used to it I'm sure. I like being close by incase one of the kids need to be picked up. We live down the road and dh has the car so don't like to travel too far.

I will just have to pull my big girl pants up and get used to it. You wouldn't know it if you saw me. I don't show it. It's just a horrible feeling.