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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Withdrawing DC from nursery temporarily

21 replies

Doiwanttobeoutnumbered · 20/10/2022 11:09

So my DC - 2 yo - has been going to nursery a couple of days a week since she’s 9 months old. Since welcoming new baby (3 weeks old), DC has been very clingy at drop offs and seems like she would rather stay home. Been umming and ahing about taking her out as I didn’t want to upset her routine, but I also have a fear of missing out on this year with her. It might not help that my 3yo just started his 30 hours at pre-school and it feels like they’re all flying the nest already (silly I know!). Parts of me would rather have them all at home, but I know nursery/preschool is good for them. DC2 goes to a very decent nursery… any advice? She’s been doing well there, the plan is that she goes back next year.

OP posts:

moita · 20/10/2022 11:11

Both of my children are at school: it honestly flies by so fast. If you have the option of having them at home I would and just enjoy it all. She's only 2: plenty of time for her to go to pre school

Mamiamamia · 20/10/2022 11:15

Take her out. If you are not working at the moment she should be with you. This is an important time for her to bind with her new sibling too.

Ducksurprise · 20/10/2022 11:17

I disagree, she had you all to herself, baby already has to share. Time 1 on 1 with baby is important.
She is clingy because her world has changed, taking out of nursery will increase that.

However if you don't need the 30 hours don't use them, I think a good compromise would be 15 hours, still gets the benefit from nursery you still get her at home more.

CaveMum · 20/10/2022 11:19

Do what works for you, but remember once you give up the nursery place it may be very hard to get it back if you find things aren't working out.

BattenburgDonkey · 20/10/2022 11:21

If you can have them at home then do it, you won’t ever get this time back and it flies by even faster once they start school. Alternatively, reduce her days?

Summerishere123 · 20/10/2022 11:22

I'd try and reduce the hours so you still get time with baby and she doesn't lose her place.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 20/10/2022 11:23

Ducksurprise · 20/10/2022 11:17

I disagree, she had you all to herself, baby already has to share. Time 1 on 1 with baby is important.
She is clingy because her world has changed, taking out of nursery will increase that.

However if you don't need the 30 hours don't use them, I think a good compromise would be 15 hours, still gets the benefit from nursery you still get her at home more.

I agree with this. Of course she is going to be clingy as her world has changed but i think it is better to keep the routine and push through this, it should make going to primary school easier as well.

You could change from full days to half days or something, i think it is important to have time with the baby.

I suppose it depends on what type of parent you are as well. My DD would have been so bored at home with me and a baby, i wouldn't be going out to softplay/parks etc all the time

Littleoldbear · 20/10/2022 11:25

I put my ds into nursery when he was 2 yrs old and I just had a newborn for a 'break' but took him out again after a few weeks as he hated drop offs and I was at home on mat leave anyway. I have absolutely loved the time home with them both going to playgroups etc. Like pp said they are only small once.
My plan is for him to start pre school when he is 3 but I'm dreading it 😂 don't get me wrong the rest would be great but I'm so used to having them both around now.
Go with your gut. If he doesn't need to go don't send him. You won't get this time back

Dacadactyl · 20/10/2022 11:26

If I was at home then no way would the children be in a nursery. I personally disagree that it is good for them (it is different if you have no choice, but that is not your situation)

Sirzy · 20/10/2022 11:27

Unless you keep paying throughout for the place you won’t be able to guarantee space
for her to return

Yupbutnobut · 20/10/2022 11:28

Ducksurprise · 20/10/2022 11:17

I disagree, she had you all to herself, baby already has to share. Time 1 on 1 with baby is important.
She is clingy because her world has changed, taking out of nursery will increase that.

However if you don't need the 30 hours don't use them, I think a good compromise would be 15 hours, still gets the benefit from nursery you still get her at home more.

This is my view entirely.

Ineedsleepandcoffee · 20/10/2022 11:29

I would take her out as I loved being able to spend more time with my first while on mat leave with second.

alphasox · 20/10/2022 11:31

many toddlers are clingy I’m afraid and keeping her at home isn’t going to help that. I would keep her in nursery, partly because it will be very tough keeping her entertained while you have a newborn, partly because it will be nice for you to have 1-2-1 time with the baby and mostly because once you lose the nursery place you can’t be sure you’ll get it back.

Mariposista · 20/10/2022 11:32

Keep her there in her routine and with the other children. Make sure she still feels special when she comes home, tell her what a big girl she is going to nursery and do fun things that she enjoys with her after and at weekends.

Hugasauras · 20/10/2022 11:35

I wouldn't take her out. My DD1 benefited from solo time with me five days a week. I don't think it's fair for DD2 to not get any of that. Days with DD1 and DD2 both, DD2 doesn't get anywhere near the attention when it's just me and her. Some days it feels like I've barely seen her as she's been in sling or in pram while I do stuff with DD1, so the days DD2 is in nursery are days where we reset and reconnect and have time just the two of us.

But then DD1 loves nursery so taking her out would have been a bit mean and messed with her routine.

I think it's still early days for you and there's always going to be an adjustment whether you have them at nursery or not. At home will just be a different challenge.

NoYouSirName · 20/10/2022 11:35

I’d pull her out. I disagree that it’s good for them, or that being at home makes them more clingy.

Hugasauras · 20/10/2022 11:37

That should of course have been 'the days DD1 is in nursery'!

Original poster

Doiwanttobeoutnumbered · 20/10/2022 12:25

Thank you all for your replies. I see it’s really diverse opinions. Should I specify that DD1 never really had one to one time with me as it was lockdown and most of it was spent at home with DS1 (my oldest who just started preschool on 30 hours). Therefore I feel like she’s always had to share her time with her brother, and now with baby. I am also worried about the middle child syndrome, if it is a thing (never ending mum guilt). There is no option for DD1 to have reduced days as she’s only going two days (minimum required - privately paid for). It’s such a difficult decision… thank you again for all your insight and sharing your experience.

OP posts:

Luckynumbereight · 20/10/2022 12:29

If you didn’t have the latest baby it wouldn’t have been a problem.

sunnydayhereandnow · 20/10/2022 12:29

It's really normal for 2-3 year olds to be clingy at drop-off time - mine makes a huge theatre every morning crying and protesting and has done for about the past year, but 5 mins later he is absolutely fine, and he gets a huge amount out of preschool that I can't offer at home - making friends, playing with things we don't have at home, learning social skills, table skills, songs and all kinds of things. When I come to pick him up they always report on how happy he's been. Personally I think it's an important experience for kids at this age as they start to develop their social skills outside the home.

Nursemumma92 · 20/10/2022 12:40

@Luckynumbereight that's hardly helpful, what has that got to do with what she is asking?

OP I think if she is in nursery for just 2 days then it may be worth keeping her there so on those days your new baby gets your 1:1 time. The other 5 days she gets time with you and it will keep her in a routine. Her world has changed so she is clingy but as long as she is not distressed while she is there then I think 2 days there will be beneficial. It may be hard to get her place back if you pull her out now and then you may be stuck for when your mat leave ends (although you may be ok for a place, you would know that best). Either decision that you make though shouldn't make you feel guilty, she is loved and looked after.

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