People putting photos of my kid online...

Pancakeschoc · 20/10/2022 07:56

there’s nothing wrong with you asking for that. They are being unreasonable. It’s really disrespectful.

sandytooth · 20/10/2022 07:58

Nah they are being rude and out if order. If you don't want your child on social media that's fine. They need to question why they feel it's so important to put a picture on the Internet.

gogohmm · 20/10/2022 07:59

Nothing wrong with your decision but could there be a compromise where it's a photo from behind or face obscured? Or send it via WhatsApp rather than posting?

00100001 · 20/10/2022 07:59

People don't get it. It's infuriating.

My friend posts every other day of her little boy... everything from him watching his iPad,. To running round naked and in the bath, sleeping, and him I'll on the sofa.

Imagine if someone did that to her! Took photos of all her quiet moments and sharedethem online? Madness.

But, on the whole, people don't respect children and their privacy, body autonomy and feelings.

Original poster

MandiY · 20/10/2022 08:02

sandytooth · 20/10/2022 07:58

Nah they are being rude and out if order. If you don't want your child on social media that's fine. They need to question why they feel it's so important to put a picture on the Internet.

This is what I don't understand. My point is always 'if they're a trusted friend why can't you just send them the photo?' - in completely fine with that as I know my family wouldn't be in regular text conversations with weirdos, but online is so different. People have hundreds of friends, some they've only met once or twice. The main thing is my 3yo not being able to consent to his photos online and not knowing who is looking at them. It just doesn't sit right with me. I suspect they enjoy getting likes and comments. Wasn't sure if I was being over protective or not.

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Original poster

MandiY · 20/10/2022 08:05

I'm also OK with photos without his face. I've posted one of us atop a mountain with our backs turned and one where he's with my father, which is sentimental, where his face is obscured slightly and the rest covered by a smiley face. They all think I'm insane.

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marmaladepop · 20/10/2022 08:12

MandiY · 20/10/2022 07:55

I've made the personal decision not to put photos of my young child online. I don't judge others at all who do, it's just my personal preference. A couple of my family members aren't happy with this and constantly ask 'can I not just put this one photo up so my friends can see my lovely nephew/grandson' etc but then continue to call me paranoid and 'daft' when I ask them not to. Am I being overprotective here? I just feel like he can't consent to having his images online. Morning musings, hmm....

So nice to see somebody being emotionally intelligent here. My kids would have hated having photos posted online without their consent, as would I. People just don't think of the damage this can do in the long term.

Pollyputthekettleonha · 20/10/2022 08:14

I feel the same. Why can't they just send the photo direct to their friends on WhatsApp instead?
Yes as someone else pointed out people have hundreds of connections who could view this photo, a lot of whom they won't know that well. A lot of people on Facebook I have noticed don't have their privacy settings set up properly or at all. Anyone could look at anything.

bananapyjamas · 20/10/2022 08:33

It's fine to stand firm on this. I know a lot of parents who don't want photos of their kids sharing online - it's very common and actually (I believe) the right thing.

Until a child is old enough that you can ask them 'are you happy for me to post this photo on Facebook?' you shouldn't be doing it.

She can send photos on WhatsApp or show her friends photos when they meet up - what's the problem?

(Well we actually know what it is, don't we?.. she doesn't want to just share with that one friend... she wants to post it and get 100 likes from her entire social circle).

C8H10N4O2 · 20/10/2022 08:37

I was the same when mine were younger. Now they are adults. I've no regrets that I kept them off line as children and also instilled in them the importance of respecting the privacy of others when sharing content.

More importantly - they have no regrets about learning to think about privacy online from an early age, quite the opposite.

Original poster

MandiY · 20/10/2022 08:59

C8H10N4O2 · 20/10/2022 08:37

I was the same when mine were younger. Now they are adults. I've no regrets that I kept them off line as children and also instilled in them the importance of respecting the privacy of others when sharing content.

More importantly - they have no regrets about learning to think about privacy online from an early age, quite the opposite.

That's good to hear. I have also worked in CSAE and whilst putting photos online of your kids seems relatively harmless at the time, it's unbelievable what even the most innocent of photos can be used for. Scary really.

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ChakaKhanfan · 20/10/2022 09:03

Oh my mom does this and it makes me so mad.
I no longer have any form of social media and I don’t even send pictures to friends or family as my 7yr old doesn’t like it. I wish adults would listen to children sometimes.

Cinders88 · 20/10/2022 09:55

I think you’re being perfectly reasonable. The only photo DH and I have uploaded to SM was when DS was born. He has his eyes closed and has covered the majority of his face with his hand. It’s a mega cute photo but kept him anonymous at the same time. We used it to announce to family and friends online that he had been born, rather than sending lots of individual messages. We then sent more pictures to people through WhatsApp conversations because it’s much more private. That’s it. No more SM photos of him since. I’m happy with that.

Slight tangent, but I came across a channel on YouTube where the guy highlights the lack of informed consent when it comes to “vlogging families” who show their whole lives online, including everything to do with their children, and it really opened my eyes to the whole issue. Basically, the kids can’t give informed consent to having every part of their lives shown online (tantrums, bedtime routines, medical appointments, and so on). Is it something the kids will be happy about when they grow older? If not, the content is already out there and there’s nothing they can do about it. It’s scary to think the amount of content that’s being put out there for ANYONE to watch!

I’m not going to sit and judge parents who share their DC photos on their SM, that’s their choice, but I’m personally a lot more cautious of it, like you OP.

FilthyforFirth · 20/10/2022 09:59

Stick to your guns. People that want to do this are desperate for the likes.

I dont allow pictures of my children online, they cannot consent so why would I? In this day and age with whatsapp available there is no need to post online of you truly want certain people to see your kids/relatives.

I think so many kids in the future willbe rightly pissed off with their parents for how much of their privacy was violated

yerdaindicatesonbends · 20/10/2022 09:59

Nope, we have the same boundaries with family. Unfortunately I get really uncomfortable but don’t yet say anything when other parents take photos of DD at parties etc. Some have ended up online and I’m annoyed at myself for not having stronger boundaries with people I don’t know so we’ll.

Original poster

MandiY · 20/10/2022 19:57

yerdaindicatesonbends · 20/10/2022 09:59

Nope, we have the same boundaries with family. Unfortunately I get really uncomfortable but don’t yet say anything when other parents take photos of DD at parties etc. Some have ended up online and I’m annoyed at myself for not having stronger boundaries with people I don’t know so we’ll.

You'll get there. I used to feel like this bit will always say something now. Same with nursery. Don't really want my son being used in their advertisements on big banners across the city! 😅

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Redebs · 03/12/2022 20:32

We share children's photos in the family via WhatsApp. Nobody would DARE share them outside the small, trusted group.
I can't stand people broadcasting their children's private moments. Children are fantastic, clever, adorable and engender love and pride in those around them, but that's not for showing off to strangers for 'likes'. Pretty despicable.

00100001 · 04/12/2022 09:32

Big Al strikes again

BesidetheseasideXxx · 04/12/2022 09:39

I'm the same. There are one or two pictures of my child online as part of big, family group photos as a compromise. I have much younger siblings and didn't like the thought of them all taking selfies with my baby when he was born and posting on multiple different facebooks Instagram etc. So made a no photo's rule and just took artistic pictures from the back. But a really nice picture was taken of us all at a big occasion and then that was the first picture I allowed online. Another compromise would be to tell people YOU can upload pictures and tag people in them but they're not allowed to upload thier own pictures of your child so you can be really selective and in control of what gets shared.

Choconut · 04/12/2022 10:10

I hope you'll be as strict with your child when it comes to THEM using social media as a teen, because lets face it that's when it's really a problem. I'm never quite sure what the issue is with having photos of children on SM (unless of course they're naked or they're looked after children or need their location kept secret). If someone is going to abuse a child they're going to be children they have easy access to, not some random they find on SM. Of course you are free to choose not to put pics up but I wouldn't be impressed if someone told me I needed to take down the photos of my child's b'day party because their child happened to be in the pics.