Is this sexual assault

[ilovealcohol]

So when I was a lot younger I have a bf who was a lot younger than me. I was a virgin and wanted to stay that way. He was a couple of years older. He kept asking me for sec and I wasn't completely comfortable but he persuaded me saying that he wouldn't stay with me if I wasn't going to sleep with him and he should try b4 he buys etc. he was older than me and very persuasive but this wasn't the issue. I agreed and we slept together. However my boundary was always use protection ( I had seen a lot of his ex dp and being still a virgin this was important to protect myself from disease etc. he absolutely knew it was a no to unprotected sex and he kept asking me to try without protection telling me how amazing it was etc, but it was a clear no. However one day we were in the bedroom and he started to play fight me and when I play fort back he quickly pinned me down and put it in me unprotected and started to have sex with me b4 I had chance to think about what had happened. I remember I felt so violation and upset but he made me feel like he did nothing wrong by saying things like "see told you it's good" " told you you would like it" smiling the whole time and completely dismissing my feelings. What do you think about this?

Some typo errors there hope you can understand my post. He wasn't younger than me he was a couple of years older

I'm sorry OP but non consensual or coerced sex is rape. You can contact Rape Crisis, they have a good helpline.

You don’t make sense. You have a boyfriend who is a lot younger yet in the next sentence you say he’s a couple years older…… those two things are mutually exclusive. He’s either older or younger

Also it was too long to put in 1 thread but I also wanna question this at the same time. When I was old enough o had a job in a night club and the doorman one night had a gathering at his house. I was completely drunk but he had just come off duty and was completely sober. We all got to his house and I was so drunk I remembered him carrying me upstairs to his bed. After that it all goes black I can't remember anything. I'm not sure if I was comp drunk or spiked. Bit when I woke up he told me he had started to have sex with me and then " realised " how drunk I was and stopped. He must have surely realised when he carried me upstairs b4 hand because I was too drunk and I would have never had sex with him sober. But since I don't remember consenting ( because it's a black out) I don't think I did but I can't say yes or no? It has been haunting me recently become I just don't know. It's many years later now but only now am I looking back at both these situations and feeling this isn't right and I was so nieve when younger

Sorry this is a typo. I've had a few drinks and my first post didn't save. I'm younger he was older

I wish I could have the guts to write this sober but I feel a bit like I'm making a big deal over nothing because it was so long ago and because both times I was made to feel as of it was ok. I feel like I was told how to feel and now I'm starting to question I want to get opinions from ppl not in rl

You were told how you should feel and that it was ok
it wasn’t and you were raped - have you had counselling - your username suggests you are struggling with these memories and alcohol

What opinions are you looking for? It’s blindingly obvious that both of these descriptions are rape.

You were raped OP. I’ so sorry this happened to you. As a pp suggested counselling might be a good idea.

Thanks for the replies. I don't need counselling this is many years ago now and nothing to do with the user name. I just wanted really to find out options as I've never seen rape as someone smiling and saying you like it. I've always pictured rape as violence and a struggle etc. it's only since getting older ive thought about it and realised that it wasn't ok. If that makes sense so I just wanted to clarify my feelings.

Definitely rape. I would look into therapy, it really does help.

Reported

OP, you were raped on both occasions. I had a similar experience in my teens, which disrupted my life and threw me into a frightening depression. Yet I blamed myself, for a long time after. It was a long time before I realised the man, much older than me, was a smiling rapist. He was clever enough to target someone young and trusting. He got away with it and I was depressed for a long time.

I’ve gotpast it now, many years later. But it sounds as if you might benefit from counselling.

It was not your fault, OP. Please don’t let it go on hurting you. Xx

WTF? Reported