Husband's phone. Some advice please. Thanks!

[Orangeriessmellparadise]

Terrible idea I know. I never did it before and I'm embarrassed that I did it this time, but my gut feeling wouldn't leave me alone and I ended up checking on his phone.
And as the saying goes, he who seeks finds...

My DH has a friend with whom they text or talk directly on the phone. They met a while ago for professional reasons. He himself told me that they became good friends.

Sometimes they don't see each other for months but they keep in touch. What surprised me is that the duration of the calls is more than an hour, sometimes an hour and a half.
I do not know what to think.
She doesn't live in our city and I repeat they haven't met for months. But why do they have such long conversations??
I don't want to ask too much so as not to appear jealous, but the truth is that it's uncomfortable, I don't like it.
AIBU in thinking that it is inappropriate? So much friendship could end in something else or is it just my jealousy?
I feel a fool writing and sharing all this but here I am unable to sleep peacefully! X

You aren’t being foolish. I would be the same. How do you know they don’t meet? Is it just calls?

You feel what you feel. Don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed for that.
I would feel the same as you.

How often are the calls? Several times a week would make me uncomfortable too. But once a month, meh, can see a catch up going over an hour then.

You should definitely speak to him about it or you will drive yourself crazy. It seems very strange that the phone calls are so long, if it were me I would question it too.

I'd just ask. My DH has friends i know that can talk for half an hour etc and he's trying to end the conversation but they can't stop talking and he can't create a break. I only know because they call at work and we work together. They might be talking business and social so taking up more time. Either way just ask and save your sanity.

@Fantastique11 it is just calls for now but they are going to meet up next month or something like that, the messages didn't said much.

@Discovereads calls are every twenty days sometimes once a month. It could be a catch up of course but anyway...it just seems like too much. And don't get me wrong, I believe in friendships between a man and a woman, why not.

Work-related relationships with industry-peers tend to have a lot of mutual acquaintances, dilemmas, anecdotes, gossip etc.

When I worked, I could easily spend an hour or more catching-up with a work-related friend on the phone. Or, all evening over a drink (or six).

As @Discovereads says, it depends on frequency.

In a kind and casual way I've just ask him about the phone calls with this woman. Same old answer again " We became good friends and most of the time I'm criticizing, teasing her."

That's all he said and then left as every morning to take the train at the station near us.

Tbh I'm clueless and a bit annoyed too. Help pls xx

Do they text a lot as well or is it just the one long call every 20 days or so?

Would you be this insecure if it was a male your husband was speaking with?

Or only a female, because you can't imagine, that a male and female can have a completely platonic friendship/relationship, where they can talk once a month for an hour?

Once a month wouldn't send out any red flags to me as long as they weren't texting everyday also

@Whistlesandbell They do texts too.

@TeefAsseblief "Completely platonic friendship/relationship" I'm not sure when a line is crossed if they get on so well and arrange to meet up for coffees, planning to spend time together with no work projects shared atm. So is more like hanging out with her now even though the first time was very professional related.

Years ago ... as a bit of a naive 20 something (early 90s) ... I worked with a relatively newly married man 'Jack'. We started the job at the same time. Think shifts, but not every shift, we both HATED the job, and the people, but it was a means to an end at the time. We got on well and had great chats. His wife worked in the same building but not with us and oddly we lived in the same block. So we would run into each other sometimes on our work commute, and eating times but by no means all the time, I had a wide social group as had they. I found his wife a bit 'off' but he was really easy going. At the time I was single and alot more sociable and going out with the odd guy here and there. I really liked Jack, but in no way fancied him, not at all , but if he was on my shift it was a welcome break from the drudgery of working with our other colleagues. He was the same and we commiserated and laughed together.

Anyway after I left and moved to another country I sent him the odd letter, ( before mobiles and texting) his wife would reply, but not him. I was never that fond of her nor she of me i dont think. Eventually after 2 or 3 letters from her i gave up as i figured 'HE' didnt want to remain in contact. I thought it was a shame but many years later ( yep I'm that slow) it occured to me she was uncomfortable with our friendship as it was, maybe jealous or threatened, who knows . I do think it's sad as we related well but that may have been the circumstances, shitty job, horrible work colleagues, both from a similar part of the world. The reality is the friendship may have gone to ground anyway as life gets in the way sometimes. As a child my father was very friendly with his female cousins and so i didnt see it as an issue, and in my head i really didnt 'fancy' him but to his wife this may not have been obvious.

So imho, 1-2hrs per month on the phone between adults is not OTT for a genuine platonic friendship (regardless of sex of the friend). Think about your friends and how much time you spend chatting with them over the course of a month.

There’d need to be more than just this for me to suspect any sort of affair, emotional or otherwise. That’s not to say this cannot turn into an affair, but personally your DH should be trusted until he proves untrustworthy. So unless he has been untrustworthy in the past…..I’d simply monitor in a cautiously optimistic fashion.