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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Quick vote - kisses in cards - WWYD???

38 replies

SprinkleOfSunak · 20/10/2022 01:23

I can’t sleep and I’m thinking about Christmas cards…

Should I sign off my Christmas cards to the students in my tutor group with an ‘x?’ I have built up good relationships with them in a short time, and to me a card without an ‘x’ looks mean!

I usually tutor mixed gender 6th Form groups, and always put an ‘x’ in their cards and never had anyone question it etc, but now I have a Year 10 group (14 and 15 year olds, mixed gender) and I’m wondering if it’s appropriate?

E.g, would you be ok if your 14 year old son came home with a card from their tutor signed off with an ‘x’ would you be happy/think nothing of it, or would you assume I was madly in love with your son???

I’m a married woman with children if that makes any difference.

I’m sure I’m overthinking this 🤣.

OP posts:
Carrieonmywaywardsun · 20/10/2022 01:29

Not overthinking, its a delicate subject!
One X or a smiley face, no one will think you're in love with them if they all have the same

HighlandPony · 20/10/2022 01:35

Honestly? I live near landfill. Just don’t do it. At all. Say merry Christmas and I’ll see you in the new year.

Original poster
SprinkleOfSunak · 20/10/2022 01:39

Thank you for these comments.

So far it seems ok to add an x, I’ll have a little vote in a minute and see what the majority think (if I get any more replies).

I might send digital cards then - that’s such a good point about landfill.

OP posts:
Lizthelettuce · 20/10/2022 01:40

When I taught I drew a little picture instead (holly leaves usually)

AlwaysUphill · 20/10/2022 01:40

They’re teens, they will probably barely look at the card. They definitely won’t think it’s mean if a teacher doesn’t put a kiss in a card, but it could appear inappropriate if you do, so no don’t do it.

I don’t really know why you would even think about this at all but even more so in October. And I’ve never know teachers send cards to kids other than in primary school.

Lizthelettuce · 20/10/2022 01:42

fwiw I remember getting a kiss in cards from teachers in school (but this was early 2000s)

Original poster
SprinkleOfSunak · 20/10/2022 01:50

At my school, nearly all the Teachers give Christmas cards to their tutor groups. We also do things like bring in sweets and Christmas crackers. Some bring in cakes too.

Some of the tutors also give out Birthday cards and sweets for their students’ Birthdays.

OP posts:
Nancydrawn · 20/10/2022 01:59

No! Honestly, don't. It doesn't look mean at all--it looks appropriate. You're already writing them cards, so keep the appropriate distance. Kisses are at best slightly cringe; at worst it feels inappropriate.

Original poster
SprinkleOfSunak · 20/10/2022 02:02

I think I might go with a smiley face or other symbol like holly, as a previous poster mentioned.

Thank you for all the suggestions.

OP posts:
Treesandsheepeverywhere · 20/10/2022 02:06

One x is fine, more and it risks being questionable.

Most teens/young people I know don't use kisses in messages, so wouldnt see it as cold.

If in doubt, best leave it out as it won't be missed.
Maybe make each message personal so there's still some warmth to it.

GrumpyPanda · 20/10/2022 02:12

Sounds juvenile. Sorry. Looking back to my own school days, the most respected teachers were the ones who didn't feel the need to get pally with their students.

MaryShelley1818 · 20/10/2022 07:07

You sound lovely - I'd go with the Holly just in case though 😊

YellowTreeHouse · 20/10/2022 07:12

Absolutely not. YABU. That’s very unprofessional and inappropriate.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 20/10/2022 07:12

I work in a niche area of education for the LA and often text parents to organise appointments, I always go for a smiley face at the end as otherwise the text doesn’t feel finished 😂. So that or a Christmassy picture would be lovely.

sandytooth · 20/10/2022 07:14

Don't give them cards
Or if you must do a smiley or a Holly. A kiss is too over familiar. Act like a boss would in an office.

Liz1tummypain · 20/10/2022 07:14

Smallest cards you can find with a smiley face. It's a nice thing to do. Ignore the grumblers

Justalittlebitfurther · 20/10/2022 07:15

Please don’t not do things because of posters on here OP! My daughter loves cards and things from her tutor! Get plain cards that can be recycled by all means but don’t not send them!

alspwjmas · 20/10/2022 07:15

Don't put a kiss

LizTrussIsACylon · 20/10/2022 07:16

I wouldn't. Most of them won't notice either way but there's bound to be one who makes it into a THING.

Go with smiling face. Add a Santa hat if you're feeling creative.

WindyHedges · 20/10/2022 07:16

Nooooooooooo.

Be a professional, for goodness sake. No x

alspwjmas · 20/10/2022 07:17

Cards are lovely and no problem, but putting kisses crosses a professional line that isn't appropriate between adult and child. I say that as someone in the same position.

Azandme · 20/10/2022 07:17

I don't send Christmas cards, but I do send good luck cards before exams. I teach 16-19 and wouldn't dream of putting a x on any of them. It's inappropriate.

If my dd came home from school with a x in a card from a teacher eyebrows would be raised.

I do smiley faces.

Azandme · 20/10/2022 07:18

First rule of teaching relationships - "friendly NOT friends". Kisses are for friends.

saraclara · 20/10/2022 07:36

No to kisses.I'm not she why anyone feels the need to put anything after the name. Is this a carry over from messaging?

PinkHeadphones · 20/10/2022 07:37

No kisses. I don’t even put kisses on cards to friends, just family.