AIBU to consider larger house with older children

[BravelyStunning]

We live in a very small house in a lovely street, in a vibrant area- "proper" family houses in the area are not within our budget
It's very much young professionals rather than families with older children
I feel like I'm ready for the suburbs!
My children are almost 14 and 16
We don't have a garden- just a bit of patio at the front
I want to move- I'd love a garden and I'd like to be around families
The area I've set my sights on isn't far- it's actually slightly nearer the children's school and there are amenities close by
The kids would probably be up for it for various reasons- but I'd definitely sound them out and I wouldn't do it if they were against it
My Aibu is: my kids are fairly old, is it even worth buying a larger house- or is it pointless given that they'll probably move out soonish?
Do children bounce back quite a lot these days- is it common into their 20s?
I hope you don't think I'm daft! I realise you can't possibly predict what my children will do but I wondered what other kids do
My son does say that he wants to go to university locally and stay in the family home, but he's only just started 6th form so I appreciate that things may change (as he changes!)

Should add, that when I say bigger house, I only mean standard semi with garden

YABU: it's silly to have a larger house when children may well leave soon (and not return)

YANBU: they're not that old and may be around the home a while longer

I would if you want to

Im assuming my own young child will potentially need housing for a long time into adulthood at this rate.
Also without ‘children’, i like the opportunity gardens give to grow a few things, herbs, sit outside more

ah that all sounds wonderful- in my head, I'm there!
thank you for responding and I agree that cash-strapped kids may well stay longer
I think I hope that they do and I honestly never thought I'd feel like that!

It’s not just about them living there it’s also about them getting partners, coming back to stay, having grandkids stay, having friends stay. We upsized as we got to being able to afford it and enjoy living here. We have guests often and family child and partner here to stay often. Do t assume your kids will stay local.

Mine are 21 and 23 and still need rooms here from time to time. DD1 saved a bundle towards a deposit post uni living here for a bit and DD2, still at Uni, needs a room incase of problems with tenancies/flatmates... recently an abusive bf... etc as well as just because... well, this is her home!
I can't imagine DD2 will want to spend £800 pcm a month on rent locally when she finishes Uni, so until she's 'up and running' we're fully prepared to see her back here for a while.
Tbh, I'd feel a bit odd about there not being a room here for them 'just in case' however old they get 😂
The general direction is up and off, it just takes a bit of pinging back and forth sometimes.

@Tipsyturvychocolatemonster ooh I hadn't considered partners/grandkids/guests etc- and I am becoming more sociable as I get older, so would love to put people up- very helpful stuff, thanks

@Wilkolampshade yes, your situation is exactly what I have seen with my friend's family- this pinging back and forth. It sounds as though the likelihood of both my teens moving out at 18 and never returning is actually quite low- I'm liking the odds! (or will I regret it when I'm stewing over where they are, I'm bad enough now!!)

Oh yes absolutely. I really appreciate having space now mine are older teens. They take up so much more space than they did when they were small! Plus partners, coming home from uni in the holidays (if they go), friends etc.

I'm not planning on downsizing for ages

If you can comfortably afford it, I'd do it. One of our children is still here at 28, although he's recently got a better job and I think might finally move out some time soon. Up to now it's made no financial sense as rents in London are so stratospheric. During lockdown we were all working from home and were very glad to have enough space to be able to do that without tripping over each other. In the longer term, that's probably going to be a continuing consideration in housing choices.

thanks @Clymene yes, absolutely right: they already take up a lot of space- and son wants a bike- old one nicked from front (and only) garden- but we have nowhere to put it. Daughter also interested in a bike. I am now very convinced that we have outgrown this house and that we all need somewhere bigger and that it's worth it . Just need to tell partner- he'll roll his eyes, I know it! I have enjoyed living here but I do feel demented by lack of space.

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g
yes, my friend's children, I think at least 2 of them have entered their 30s! they go away- "find" themselves in Thailand/Goa for a bit, then back to mum and dad. Financially, they don't seem near to being able to afford much- so this could go on for a while. Great that your son has got himself a good job- can't be easy in the south east. I'd forgotten lockdown- christ! that was awful in this house.
My son, bless him- he just wants a baketball hoop and daughter would be nearer to most of her friends. I'm totally sold!

lots of exclamation marks- forgive me- I am excited😀

Sounds like a great move all around good luck

thank you @Sirzy - how lovely :)

I think it depends:

Is it the sort of house you would be happy to live in on your own? Or would it be too big?

Is your current house adequately sized? E.g. does everyone have a bedroom?

Would you be paying a lot in stamp duty?

Do you actively want your kids to live with you for longer or would you in some ways like it if they moved out earlier?

I think older dcs appreciate bigger bedrooms, ie proper double bedrooms- do they have these now?

Also consider things like drive way space for 3 or 4 cars in the future.

Also what if everyone's WFH? That's a lot of space.

Do you have 2 reception rooms atm? Having an extra downstairs space can be very useful as a downstairs sleeping space for visiting elderly relatives as can a downstairs loo.

Just for yourselves these things can be the difference between staying in your own home or needing residential care eventually.

I would move in your situation. You can get into gardening when your kids leave! Longer term, your kids will appreicate you having space for their families. You also sound like you have outgrown your house and want to move.

I moved out at 19, never really went back save for a few weeks in the summer and Christmas while at uni.

my brother moved out at 18, and has been back at forth a few times (and is currently back at my parents aged 30something with his wife and child as they wait for their own place to be renovated).

we’ve had to move a long way from my and DHs parents for work, so they both like having big enough houses to host us for a few days.

We're moving in a few years, DCs will be 14,17 and 18. We don't have enough space (older 2 share a room) and housing is expensive where we are, so apart from leaving for uni (and not all of them will go) there's no way they'd be able to rent locally. Neighbours currently have 7 in a 3 bed as their eldest came home after a relationship break up, so they have parents on a double bunk bed with their youngest on top. Their eldest has his friend sharing a room with him now too, plus their 2 other teens in the 3rd room. They make it work, but just shows how tight housing is here.

If you can afford to move for more space, I'd do it. Giving your DCs the option to stay home for a few years and save will be a huge advantage for them. This is why we are moving, but we have to uproot everyone and move across the country to do it! Different for us as we're renting at present and can't buy for another year or two.

If your DC are on board, it doesnt disrupt school or friendships and you won't need to drive them everywhere then do it!
DC often stay at home for longer and return after uni as housing costs are so high so I would not count on them leaving home soon. But either way its totally reasonable to move for more space and a garden especially if whole family want to.

I think inter- generational living will become more common and would love to be able to provide a house large enough for my mum and son and future grandchildren etc

We’re just extending to create a completely independent annexe that gives the young adult children more space when they stay with partners, hopefully more privacy/quiet if children arrive and a bolt hole that offers independence should they ever need it.

We have definitely needed more space as they’ve approached and passed into adulthood. Things like moving back in for a few months post university, daughter staying here when husband had COVID and she couldn’t go home because she couldn’t work if she was in contact, staying here for local events including when we aren’t here - they don’t need to sort whole house , so much quicker and easier.

Do it OP! You’ll enjoy your house much more, you’ll love having the garden space, it will be a home for your adult children to come to whenever they want and bring partners and children, and also it’s an investment! You can downsize in later life and release capital if need be, but in the meantime you’ll have had many years of happiness from it.

Sorry I'm late back to my own thread- I didn't expect any more replies- I've read them all and they are really helpful, thank you everyone.

If I'm completely honest with myself, it's not just the size- it's the type of house I'm in that's the issue. In fact, I don't think we could afford much more floor space where I'm looking but, in a semi, this floor space would be on two floors instead of our current 4 floors. current house has lots of narrow stairs- can't get wardrobes up etc (wardrobe currently in kitchen!)
We do have separate kitchen and living room, mercifully on the same floor and they are a reasonable size for the type of house- but nothing here is huge!
Also, semis often have garages which could be converted to study (my partner works from home) and of course gardens/attics so much more scope for the future even if money tight at present. PP pointed out possibility of kids with cars which would be easier if we had off-street parking. Also love the suggestion of an annexe for teens/young adults.
We have allocated/used every inch of our house and some of it still needs serious work to come to fruition. we've earmarked a space in the cellar for our bedroom as we've given ours to our daughter. So the kids do have decent bedrooms, but I sleep in the small attic room- exposed eaves/spiders/boiler- and my partner's in his self-made study in the cellar!
I'm being a bit disingenuous though because I have a room of my own- which could be a small double bedroom- but I use it for sewing/looking at mumsnet(!)/escaping the family- my partner has just plastered/damp-proofed via youtube lessons- he's good but it's obvs slow as he has a day job. So it's the configuration of our current house. There's no more scope to enlarge as cellar/attic both used or being worked on.
And obviously we can't extend into our front "garden"
It's a back to back, albeit end terrace, but it's dark- as they all are and this is another reason I want to go. To have a house with a back door and rooms that have light coming in.
The other thing is that we have lovely neighbours, but they are younger and the amount of self-censorship I have to do in any conversation! I just want to live among other, jaded 50 year old women😂
But I want to be clear- we have never had any issues here- no crappy behaviour/noise etc and we've been here over a decade- so I'm very grateful that my peace of mind has not once been disturbed- nightmare neighbours would be awful- worse than a bad house.
Realistically we'll have to get this house up to scratch to sell and that was another reason I wasn't sure that it was worth it as the kids would be at least another year older. But this thread has made me realise that it's not clear-cut with adult children and they may well be around and back and forth for years and years.
Someone asked if I wanted my kids to stay a while- I must admit, I'd always been looking forward to having the house to myself and thought there was a clear line at 18- you move out, you never come back. I now realise that, not only is this financially less likely, but I actually want them to stay- if they want to! I enjoy our kids now that they're older- it's different than when they were young- and just wasn't prepared for that. we have a better relationship than me and my a partner had/have with our respective parents, which I suspect is common now. I do realise they're youngish yet and things might change but I hope not- I don't come from a very functional family at all!! couldn't wait to leave- would never go back.
someone mentioned intergenerational living and I think I rather like that idea- obvs with my partner and I being the older generation!- I don't know how I'll cope with my very difficult mother when she's frail; she's in rude health at the moment- but that's another thread!
must say, though the 7 in a 3 bed that PP mentioned sounds very difficult! I don't know how people manage these days with the working from home- perhaps two or three wfh in a house, yikes!
right, I hope I've covered all the lovely responses, I have digested them all- massive thanks. a long reply from me, quite therapeutic to get stuff down; I'm absolutely certain now that I want to move and that it's worth it. And we have time, I'm not miserable in current house, so there isn't an anxiety to leave quickly- but I do like having a plan :)

someone mentioned elderly visitors- the steps leading up to our house are steep- seems everything around here is steep! 2 of our 4 parents can't get up said steps- so, yes there is that to consider.

Live wherever you want to live. The house we live in now would have been far more suitable for when the kids were younger but we couldn’t have afforded it. It’s far more spacious and we love it. Go for it.