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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being unreasonable

17 replies

Coolgirl2 · 19/10/2022 15:48

Hi all, so I went away with work with some work colleagues for 3nights. I had hadan argument with DH before I left because he went on about not knowing I was leaving on a Sunday and not Monday- the day the conference started. I couldn't travel on Monday as it was a 3hr journey and aiming for a 9am start. I also had told him I may come back on Thursday if the roads were too busy. It happened that the Wednesday schedule wasn't that impressive and we decided to leave Wednesday morning. I got home just after 11am. I got home and DH had parked his car in the middle of the driveway. I parked off the road. I went and unlocked the door to find it had a latch inside. I rang the doorbell and there was no response. I waited for 5mins and called his phone. He answered and told me he was coming down. 5mins later he had not come to open the door. I called him again and he told me he will be 10mins upon which he told me he was not at home. I asked him the door has a latch and he sounded like he had forgotten to take the latch off and used the back door to go and meet a male friend. I went round the property to find the garden door was locked but one could open. I walked back to the front and called him again. He answered and said he was at the back, of which i told him i didn't see him there. He then arrived and was sweaty and in a panic state. He was very erratic in his conversations and wanted to kiss me. I refused to be kissed. I also noted one of the hanged pictures ( me and him) had been taken off the wall. He said that had fallen off, maybe one of the kids may have pushed it( kids were at school). I asked him if he was OK and he started shouting, blaming me for accusing him for cheating. Our relationship and communication is not great. I accept that. He started picking on that too. He refuses he had someone inside whom he took out via the back door. Am I being unreasonable? Sorry it's long.

OP posts:
Samarie123 · 19/10/2022 16:00

He got caught with his pants down! YANBU

MamaSharkDooDooDooDooDooDooo · 19/10/2022 16:03

Sounds iffy af. From what you said, it definitely sounds like you caught him out! Sorry 😔

Badgirlriri · 19/10/2022 16:07

Definitely been caught out!

FatEaredFuck · 19/10/2022 16:08

I'm so sorry. In situation like these he's going to argue till the sun comes down that you're unreasonable.

But you know you weren't, and that he's quite mad to think he can argue his way out of it. He's disrespected you, your marriage, your home and then treated you like you were a simpleton.

Show him your boot.

Bobbybobbins · 19/10/2022 16:09

Dodgy AF. Sorry OP.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/10/2022 16:09

You have caught him red-handed.

Thatiswild · 19/10/2022 16:09

Yep I’d be changing the locks and putting that latch on the next time he goes out. No way he hasn’t cheated with that whole debacle! I’m so sorry.

ShutYerYapAndGetOnWithIt · 19/10/2022 16:10

It sounds as though he had been up to no good with someone in the house

Tipsyturvychocolatemonster · 19/10/2022 16:11

Is this serious, as if so then it’s a no brainier he had a woman in there.

Regularsizedrudy · 19/10/2022 16:13

He has very obviously been up to no good, sorry op.

Energypanic · 19/10/2022 16:14

You caught him cheating. I'd be kicking him out asap.

Samarie123 · 19/10/2022 16:15

It would also seem you may have wanted to catch him out. Perhaps you had suspicions which is why you didn't let him know you would be home a day early?

Lsquiggles · 19/10/2022 16:16

Sorry OP but I can't see any other explanation, he clearly had someone over that he didn't want you to know about and hurried them out the back door upon your arrival.

Tiani4 · 19/10/2022 16:19

Signs of being caught having an affair with someone over

Did you go and check your bed? Frankly your FH is dodgy af

The shouting at you is a real sign of guilty conscience trying to gaslight you into not believing what you saw

No reason for him to "take ages" to answer the door and let you into your own house!

Coolgirl2 · 19/10/2022 16:41

Thanks Samarie123, it could be interpreted that way. I just couldn't be bothered talking to him after the Sunday debacle. I tried to contact him when I got there to tell him we had arrived well. He dint bother picking up or return my call.

OP posts:
Coolgirl2 · 19/10/2022 16:42

Thank you all, I appreciate your responses. The way I got shouted at, made me feel like I had made a mistake of asking what had happened.

OP posts:
HopelesslyOptimistic · 19/10/2022 16:45

Gosh you poor thing. What is it with men always always deflecting their wrong doing. Even little things which this clearly isn't. He sounds vile. And you sound perfectly reasonable. Good luck going forward.

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