I'm posting in AIBU for traffic. I've learned more about neurodiversity from reading Mumsnet than anywhere else so I'm hoping I'll get some words of wisdom.
My DS is in year 2, about to turn 7. I've wondered since he was 3 whether he is neurodiverse and I have completely accepted it in the last year or so. When he just turned 3 it was a few comments from pre school - not listening, playing alone, defiance. He settled well into the nursery class at school (so he was 3, nearly 4 at this age) and then lockdown happened so he was at home until reception. Reception seemed fine at first too, at his October parents' evening his teacher said he doesn't concentrate on the mat "but that's his age". We actually saw a paediatrician that winter as I had referred him for assessment via the health visitor when he was at the pre school. As we didn't have many concerns at that point, and his teacher hadn't mentioned anything, the paediatrician discharged him.
I started wondering again towards the end of reception as his teacher said he makes random noises in class. I noticed in a club that all the other children were looking at the coach when they were talking, whilst DS was looking anywhere else, fiddling with the equipment etc. I asked the SENCO at school to observe him, she also noticed that he never appears to be listening, however takes it in as he can answer questions. This is has been the theme throughout - he doesn't look as if he is listening when teachers are making presentations to the whole class, but he must have as the knowledge is there.
I didn't much like his Y1 teacher, she was known for being strict and labelled him as a naughty boy, but didn't communicate much of this to me until I raised it when DS himself told me he is always on the storm cloud for being naughty. I told her that I suspected ND but I don't think she ever made any allowances and I was glad when he finished.
He's now in Y2, the teacher is really different. I haven't had any feedback until today, which is parents' evening (morning!). She said that he gets up to wander around when he should be sitting and listening as a whole class (he's ok when he's on task, in their groups). He gets frustrated when told he can't get up or told to sit down, and is sometimes rude as a result. She said she can see he is a lovely boy, with a big heart, very sensitive, and he apparently always seems to realise quickly if he's done/said something he shouldn't, he says sorry etc. Academically he is doing well, his reading and writing are fine. She said he's really enthusiastic about things that he enjoys like books, reading etc. She was so lovely and I can see he's in good hands, but I don't know where to go from here. I have asked what strategies they've tried to stop the wandering around, she said they've tried doing the whole class presentations on the mat or at the tables, but neither seems to have worked.
I just don't know where to go from here. We have re-referred DS for an ASD/ADHD assessment already, but the waiting list is over 2 years, and really what will a diagnosis achieve anyway. His teacher this year is great and hasn't labelled him as naughty as she says she can see he's not to blame, almost as if he can't help it. It's not affecting his learning at the moment, and he has friends too. But I'm so worried that this will change, and I just struggle with the whole idea. DS has been through really difficult phases at home but they're always phases, I think overall he is a good boy, he says sorry freely when he's been cheeky or rude. He doesn't have any of the usual ASD challenges around sensory stuff or rigidity. He is very loud and can be on the go a lot - in a restaurant he needs to be entertained actively until the food arrives. But equally I wouldn't say he's hyperactive, and the fact that he can concentrate when "on task" also makes me think it's not ADHD.
If any of this sounds like any of your DC, I'd really appreciate some advice.