A woman's gut instinct

[blueberry23]

I'm 6 weeks pregnant so unsure if it's hormones playing tricks on me.

A female aquaintance of my husband (an ex of a friend of his) asked my DH to do some work for her. Minor job, specific to his field of expertise. He obliged and it took a few trips back and forth, a bit more complicated than expected, he did it for free as a favour and didn't charge.

Something isn't sitting right with me. He's mentioned her a few times now, and I'm probably just being over sensitive but I think - you've done the favour, why are we still talking about her?

There have been occasions where she's been over friendly to my DH on nights out etc so I feel a little wary of her. She is single. She isn't a friend of mine, I don't really know her.

He's never in 15 years given me any reason to mistrust him.

It's making me feel sick with anxiety. I have had previous miscarriages so early pregnancy is not a fun place for me to be. Is this just hormones talking, do I need to chill out?

Sometimes I think a woman's instinct is a force to be reckoned with. It's not so much him I don't trust - but her.

I raised my concerns and he basically told me I was mental, and to have a word with myself. I asked him if the conversation with her would continue now the work is done and he said 'would it matter if it did?' - I think he's just playing devils advocate and I can't imagine it will.

So if it’s just her you don’t trust and not him, what’s the problem?

I guess I'm worried she will tempt him away 🙈 I'm definitely crazy @YellowTreeHouse

Take a breath. It could be that you are feeling anxious about pregnancy and are looking to channel this somewhere. Have a calm, rational conversation with you DH about your concerns. Do it in a place where you know that neither can storm off (a car?). Listen, talk, be open and honest and expect the same.

YABU and paranoid.

Single women are not out to get your man.

And he’d hardly drop the woman he’s having an affair with I to every conversation

I disagree. Mentionitis is a thing.

That said, hopefully it's just anxiety on your part due to a difficult period. Miscarriages tragically often deny joy in any future pregnancy.

Breathe... try to relax. Hopefully it's nothing but you can observe quietly.

“It's not so much him I don't trust - but her.”

Oh not that ridiculous old line! 🙄
Own it - you don’t trust him.
And that’s fine.

Women don’t have “instinct” - they just have brains that can assess changes to patterns of behaviour on a level we’re not always consciously aware of. This isn’t some magic instinct. This is:

• woman you have seen be over friendly
• him getting mentionitis
• him ridiculing instead of reassuring you

That’s not instinct, it’s analysis of facts.

I’m not saying something is or would happen, but I’d be really pissed off if my partner said I was mental and poked me about seeing her more.

I don’t agree with the PPs that you’re necessarily being ‘hormonal’. I hate how women’s issues are always reduced to their hormones, like we’re all irrational nutcases due to being female.

I’d be more concerned that his first instinct is to call you mental tbh.

He should be understanding of your feelings, you’re in a vulnerable position at the moment and his attention appears to be elsewhere. Now that this favour is done he needs to be mindful that he’s not spending time and energy elsewhere when he should be concentrating on the family he’s building with you.

Obviously nobody is saying that all single women are out to steal your husband, but this particular woman is making you feel uncomfortable, so you’ve voiced your concern and he’s dismissed them. That’s not a good enough response to me.

But if you trust him how can he be ‘tempted away?’ Do you mean you don’t trust her not to make sure he doesn’t cheat on his pregnant girlfriend? Because believe me, cheaters will cheat and you can’t expect the whole female population to police they for you.

Either you trust him, or you don’t. There is no tempting, seducing, scarlet woman-ing a trustable man. If you don’t trust him get rid.

I raised my concerns and he basically told me I was mental, and to have a word with myself.

This isn't good.

You are not crazy, and you should be allowed to discuss your worries and be reassured. (And I assume you would do the same).
We are all human, reasonably imperfect and have worries and insecurities; as long as it is not an obsession, it is right to talk them through.

As an aside, you can't control whether someone is faithful to you, so don't try and police him, but of course stay alert and don't be taken for a mug. Yes, she possibly is after him by the sound of it. Doesn't mean he'll do anything- but if he is letting her massage his ego, he is a game playing arse.

OP, trust your instincts. I had a similar scenario whereby a 'friend' tried to tempt my partner away. I had a feeling she was trying to seduce him and turn him against me... but I ignored it as I trusted her. Nothing happened in the end, but she showed her hand and he realised what she was trying to do, and told her it's not happening. Moral of the story, trust your instincts.