Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset with colleagues

27 replies

LiIo · 18/10/2022 15:12

I was on holiday last week. Colleagues have a weekly email quiz. Last week the person doing the quiz did a match the colleague to the celebrity lookalike competition.

I am really insecure about my looks and they chose a very unflattering picture of a not particularly good looking celebrity (not to sound mean here) to compare me to. Everyone else got decent lookalikes.

I am not going to say anything but am I being unreasonable to be upset or should I just suck it up as a bit of a joke? I’m also the only woman in the team and didn’t really appreciate my looks being judged by male colleagues.

OP posts:
Original poster
LiIo · 18/10/2022 15:14

I guess it would be easier to judge if I named the celebrity but I feel really mean saying it. It was pre-makeover Susan Boyle.

OP posts:
Peashoots · 18/10/2022 15:14

It’s difficult to say without knowing who the celeb is, but bear in mind beauty is very subjective and just because you think this celebrity is unattractive that doesn’t mean everyone agrees.
it doesn’t sound like you were singled out in any way, everyone got a lookalike. Have you previously agreed to be included in this quiz? If so I think YABU.

Tomanycarrots · 18/10/2022 15:14

without seeing the picture it might be someone you don’t perceive as attractive others would.

but I hate stuff like this

Original poster
LiIo · 18/10/2022 15:15

@Peashoots Yes I agreed to be in the quiz but normally it’s general knowledge.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 18/10/2022 15:16

This was very, very shit of them. I don't blame you for being upset. I can't believe this colleague was so blatantly being an arsehole.

HappyHamsters · 18/10/2022 15:17

They sound like a bunch of pathetic schoolyard bullies. I would report it to your manager. , dont let these idiots get you down. Perhaps you should suggest a willy lookalike contest.

JanePrentiss · 18/10/2022 15:18

There is no way a group of bloke's think Susan Boyle is beautiful, in response to beauty being in the eye of the beholder.
If your manager / their manager has any clout I'd be taking it up with them and expecting them to be bollocked for it.

cultkid · 18/10/2022 15:19

Utter wankers

Complain to HR what a total fucking bully to mock you and to mock her too
Total total total wanker

Brefugee · 18/10/2022 15:20

It's bullying. Point that out to them if you can easily change jobs. If not: start looking and at your exit interview say you're leaving because of bullying

Peashoots · 18/10/2022 15:22

JanePrentiss · 18/10/2022 15:18

There is no way a group of bloke's think Susan Boyle is beautiful, in response to beauty being in the eye of the beholder.
If your manager / their manager has any clout I'd be taking it up with them and expecting them to be bollocked for it.

Agreed; the OP hadn’t posted who the celeb was when I posted my response.
op I feel like this was intended to be mean, which celebs were other people compared to?

rookiemere · 18/10/2022 15:23

That's horrible. I had a similar thing happen once a few years ago. I had organised the entire sections 2 day away day and they rewarded me with a horrible guess who this is game where there was an unflattering photo of me participating in a charity day, they said I looked like that lady who threw a cat in the bin.

It was done on the large screen in front of everyone and I wanted to run sobbing from the room. Instead I had to plaster a smile on my face. I wish I had done something at the time as now it feels like bullying or at the least trying to take me down a peg for organising the conference.

Speak to your manager and say that it's juvenile to run things that involve discussing peoples looks.

Original poster
LiIo · 18/10/2022 15:25

I don’t really want to create a big scene about it. The guy who wrote the quiz is actually leaving in a couple of weeks anyway. But there was one colleague I thought I was pretty close to who apparently helped him create it.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 18/10/2022 15:25

Brefugee · 18/10/2022 15:20

It's bullying. Point that out to them if you can easily change jobs. If not: start looking and at your exit interview say you're leaving because of bullying

This.

Keep anything you have that confirms this happened.

That is really shocking and wholly unacceptable.

What type of area are you working in?.

It can't be professional? because any decent HR company would view this very seriously.

The cheek of them.

SandraOMG · 18/10/2022 15:27

That is really rude and unpleasant of them. Yanbu. I'd be upset by that too (as lovely as I'm sure SB is)

Original poster
LiIo · 18/10/2022 15:27

@rookiemere I am so sorry that happened to you. Thats awful. At least mine was an email quiz and I was not in the office.

I don’t want to say anything. I am only just starting out in the world of work so maybe when I’m a bit more experienced I will look back thinking I should have said something at the time.

OP posts:
GodInventedAmazon · 18/10/2022 15:31

Bloody hell , tell them to leave you out of such infantile things and tell your manager , feelings aside you are there to work not to be made fun of

Wankers

Original poster
LiIo · 18/10/2022 15:32

@billy1966 It is journalism adjacent. I don’t want to be too outing as it’s a pretty small industry with very few women.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 18/10/2022 15:33

I don’t want to say anything. I am only just starting out in the world of work so maybe when I’m a bit more experienced I will look back thinking I should have said something at the time.

to be honest? you have to kind of start as you mean to go on. Do you have a mentor or someone who is easing you into the world of work? I am at the other end of my working life and i can promise you that it will ramp up if you don't at least give off a "don't mess with me" kind of vibe, without making huge waves. It is difficult - but better learned sooner than later

Brefugee · 18/10/2022 15:34

just saw your update: they are not going to improve their diversity (is it an aim in the industry?) if they fuck about like this.

Flowerpower36 · 18/10/2022 15:35

Ohh god .. that’s horrible, I’m sorry OP, I would absolutely hate this!! 💐

SnarkyBag · 18/10/2022 15:41

Brefugee · 18/10/2022 15:33

I don’t want to say anything. I am only just starting out in the world of work so maybe when I’m a bit more experienced I will look back thinking I should have said something at the time.

to be honest? you have to kind of start as you mean to go on. Do you have a mentor or someone who is easing you into the world of work? I am at the other end of my working life and i can promise you that it will ramp up if you don't at least give off a "don't mess with me" kind of vibe, without making huge waves. It is difficult - but better learned sooner than later

I agree, set you boundaries now

BatshitBanshee · 18/10/2022 15:48

LiIo · 18/10/2022 15:32

@billy1966 It is journalism adjacent. I don’t want to be too outing as it’s a pretty small industry with very few women.

I knew you were going to say journalism by your OP. Total boys club, been there done that. I would flag to a senior manager and HR that this is inappropriate and bullying behaviour.

Original poster
LiIo · 18/10/2022 15:52

@Brefugee Diversity? Nope, absolutely not. No non-whites in my office either.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 18/10/2022 15:57

Well. this is where you decide how you're going to play it. if you just roll over now, you will roll over forever. If you accept this, why don't you accept the next one?

So you need to identify a person where you work who can help you a) process this and b) get it to stop. That will usually be a senior person, not necessarily HR but at some point you might want to draw their attention to this behaviour. It is bullying. It's not bantz. It's not joshing around, it is nothing but bullying.

You don't have to stand up in the office, rip off your bra and burn it while shouting suffragist slogans, but you need to let them know that it doesn't wash with you.

I get how you must be feeling. I was one of the first 5 female soldiers to be posted to my first posting in the army and it was a fucking nightmare. But we did manage to stop the worst of the shit that flew in our direction. not all of it, but it did get better -but you do need support.

Oysterbabe · 18/10/2022 16:01

This is not acceptable at all and they need to know that. Make a formal complaint to HR.

Swipe left for the next trending thread