Wasn't really sure where to post this so I just thought I'd post here. I have posted on the subject before.
I'm expecting my first child, I know this can amplify my emotions and it probably is doing so.
I'm the youngest sibling, I have one older sister and a few half siblings.
My older sister (my only full sister) has always been treated very differently to me, it's clear to everyone just not my parents. I've felt completely alone my whole life and like I was never included.
My sister has one child who is almost 4, when my sister was pregnant with her child my parents bought her a tv, a pram, so so many things. I've been 'promised' many things from them during my pregnancy but I've always been let down and haven't actually been bought anything for the baby, I've got everything myself. And while I know this may sound spoilt and like I am expecting things, this isn't true. I just want my child to be treated the same. They moan about having no money but can book trips away, they buy my sisters child something new (and mostly expensive) every single week without fail. I look after their pets when they go on these holidays and I never got a thank you or anything in return.
I want to make it clear that the last thing I want is a materialistic object. I just want them to be there and want to be involved with my child, which I know is probably silly and me just being wishful. I'm finding myself being completely heartbroken by everything they do, everything just feels like a dig. I feel so alone, more alone than I've ever felt and reality is kicking in that when this baby is here I'm doing this alone with no support. I have my partner but he has to go back to work and then what? I'm heartbroken about how differently my child is already being treated, I want to do everything I can to protect them from feeling how I have once felt. But I just don't know how you break away from that when you don't have anyone else. Trust me I'll do anything I can to protect my child but it's so hard seeing how they're treated already when they aren't even here yet.
I feel like I mean nothing to them, I feel like I was never actually wanted I was just an inconvenience. You always want your parents to be there for you and as much as they claim to be they really aren't, but there is no arguing or reasoning with them about these things. If I do try to bring it up they tell me it's all in my head and that we're treated the same way, they claim to be perfect parents that never do any wrong and I never say a bad word about them but when is enough enough? There is only so much more I can take and so much more I can cope with but I feel trapped at the same time and like I can't escape!
Maybe I just needed to rant, there is so much more to the story but this post would be never ending. I don't know if anyone can offer any advice