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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What can't you afford?

869 replies

Marleymerm · 18/10/2022 07:52

Last week at work my colleague told me her recent eye test showed she needed glasses, but she couldn't afford them, she's known she's needed them for a couple of years but said she doesn't have the money. We both work full time in office jobs and neither of us have expensive hobbies or social lives, we're both pretty boring.
I realised this morning I haven't bought new shoes for months despite the ones I have coming apart, because I can't afford them. I've picked up pairs but put them back down when I've thought of what else I need instead.
When I asked this question to my friend about what she couldn't afford she told me her monthly prescription! She hasn't got it for 3 months.
It's a weird time we're living in so everyone's doing without something. But do you have any necessary things you need but can't afford?

OP posts:
MummyBee40 · 19/10/2022 19:47

LoisLane66 · 19/10/2022 19:23

@MummyBee40
Wow! That's awful. Could you look on the Nextdoor app which covers the world but you can limit to your area and one or two places nearby. They have pages full of For Sale and Free items including beds and mattresses plus bed-linen and most of it excellent quality. I live in South Surrey and there are always guest room beds given away free when people move home.
I hope you have success in finding a bed on there. 🍀
I don't know about FB market place as I'm not on FB but other posters may have news on that front.
All the best 😁

That’s a good idea but I don’t drive and no one can deliver 😞

AwkwardAnnie · 19/10/2022 19:48

Reading all these and thinking how lucky we are. I'm the sole income earner, husband doesn't work, (mental health reasons but declined PIP, so he's a stay at home Dad) but we're okay...
But then I realised what we can't afford is for me to have time off.
Years ago I dropped down to working 4 days a week as being full time, with 2 kids and a husband with mental health problems was taking it's toll on my health. I'd had a very low paid job for years, then started earning more, so cutting back my hours wasn't an issue as we were used to scraping by.
Over the years I've gained more qualifications, which resulted in a 2nd job on my days off, then using Annual Leave to do it, then buying more annual leave to do it. I'm lucky that we're okay, we have far from a lavish lifestyle (live on a council estate, 1 car, don't go out much) but I suspect that at some point working 2 jobs will catch up with me, and if if does I won't get any pay from the 2nd job and we'll be scuppered!

I used to say my main job paid the bills and essentials (like clothes etc) the other paid for the fun things.
Now I need both jobs to cover the essentials and I'm frantically trying to save what I can to make sure costs will still be covered in the future.

Humbley17 · 19/10/2022 19:50

Some businesses give help to their employees if they work on computers so I would be asking your boss or hr if there is any help it does depend how long you may have worked for them good luck

mumof2andstillsurviving · 19/10/2022 19:50

@MummyBee40 I know it's not ideal but I've also seen some ideas on Pinterest about how to make a bed base from pallets (which you can often pick up for free) which look quite cool. Buy try the charities first. Local to us (London borough) there us a charity called brighter beginnings. They got my daughter a new mattress as we couldn't afford to do it

User3456 · 19/10/2022 20:00

I can't afford to get sick. I got post viral fatigue several years ago after a virus and had to reduce my working hours. It's cost me tens of thousands of pounds over the years. it's why I am always wearing a mask for anything indoors. If I stop being well enough to work completely, I am snookered.

LaDamaDeElche · 19/10/2022 20:01

Trips home to see my friends & family - I live in another country. Haven't been home since 2018. I've seen my parents, as they come here and a few friends, but my closest friends and brother & sister I haven't seen in person for all that time. Sadly although the cost of flights is cheap, when you factor in the astronomical cost of luggage, three of us and spending money when we're in the U.K., it's just not doable.

On a smaller scale - a new bra. It's not that I can't afford a bra per se, it's just that there's a limited amount of money and I have to prioritise and the bra never makes the cut as there are always so many other more necessary things. I don't find bras comfy, so can't just grab any old thing, I usually have to spend a bit to find a decent one. This one has been going strong for five years!

YenneferOfVengabus · 19/10/2022 20:02

Another vote for dental treatment (if you can get an appointment) and car maintenance.

FrenchFancie · 19/10/2022 20:05

Dental treatment - I need a root canal but can’t justify the cost as am private (not an nhs dentist for miles around here) all in the treatment is £900 for root canal and crown. I’ve an appointment in November am but I’m going to ask them just to pull it out as that’s only £120. Crap but what can you do?

Dixiechickonhols · 19/10/2022 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request

I wouldn’t cancel appointment. I’d phone and explain you want to come but can’t afford fare. Then see what they can offer eg telephone appointment / hospital transport or volunteer driver service. If they can’t help at least it’s recorded that you aren’t just not bothering.

musicviking1 · 19/10/2022 20:13

Pinkfluff76 · 19/10/2022 18:57

I feel sorry for people who are genuinely struggling but when i look around and see mums who regularly get hair, nails, eyebrows done, who smoke, and kids talk about having Sky and Disney and Amazon Prime (which if totally unnecessary as no one needs that much choice or has that much time) I do wonder how much are genuinely struggling? Not trying to be harsh….

Very judgmental, many of these things could have been gifted for all you know.

woodhill · 19/10/2022 20:15

Or selective spending

LaDamaDeElche · 19/10/2022 20:18

Eggsandavocado · 19/10/2022 19:37

I’m a single parent and small business owner which had a bad couple of months in the summer and I’m now playing catch up. I’ve missed two council tax payments and a mortgage payment and can’t afford my tax bill. I’m hoping the council will let me spread the money owing over the rest of the year but I’m too scared to phone, my missed mortgage payment I can pay next week hopefully and I’ll have to wait until HMRC pass my tax bill over to creditors so I can have a payment plan. It’s all rubbish at the moment.

Call them. I got behind with council tax and also, through no fault of my own, ended up owing child tax credits. They were really nice and helpful and let me do a really low payment plan.

OdeToOceans · 19/10/2022 20:19

@allalisha the hospital trust will arrange transport for you - you need to contact them ASAP to get the ball rolling.

Dogslife2 · 19/10/2022 20:22

Awful the way people have to struggle..I’m retired and my outgoings have almost doubled ..I’ve always lived frugally but it’s scary how quickly things are increasing.
With regards to glasses.. I get my prescription from a private optician use it online to find a much cheaper price.. worth checking out.

AnotherOde · 19/10/2022 20:23

Dental work.

I used to have a great nhs dentist when I lived in London. Moved back up north and it’s actually impossible to find a practice taking on new patients (within 2 hours of where I live, yes I was looking that far!)

I’m private now, but need a root canal plus a filling replacement which I cannot afford. The root canal tooth is a back molar , so I will most likely just ask them to pull it. It’s a lot cheaper.
I’ve been keeping my hygienist appointments to prevent any more issues but it’s the big stuff that is so costly.

I worry about the state peoples teeth will be in these next few years. The state of the dental industry in this country is shocking.

RedRedWhiney · 19/10/2022 20:28

I've booked my 2 days in the office off next week as I don't have the money for the train fare.

RedRedWhiney · 19/10/2022 20:31

Also not so long ago I was placed under a section 136 for my mental health. I was vack in work the day after I was released as I can't afford to go on SSP. Its work or die.

DaisyFleur · 19/10/2022 20:36

Shoes can be bought at shoezone for as low as £10, I get ones at £14 that are very comfy.
Parents with children skipping meals, cup a soups are about £2 or sometimes a little cheaper, you can get eggs at a £1 (white eggs) & bread at 50p -£1 that is egg on toast much better than cup a soups.

Cheaper to go for vegetarian meals and go back to basics so that mother can eat too. Weekly shop can include bag of potatoes, brocolli, onions, leeks, carrots, pasta, Rice (pasta and rice might only need replenished every few weeks), garlic, stock cubes veggy (again every few weeks and you can freeze it), tomatoes, bread, cucumber, milk, cereal one or two tins of chopped tomatoes. Any thing else on top of that is a bonus, so you can add a few things like veggy fingers etc.

Pasta, cook the pasta drain, put in chopped garlic clove or half if that is all you have, a little brocolli, some chopped onion, put in some of the tin of tomatoes so it coats the pasta, for 2 people you would need only a third to a half a tin a half a tin might stretch to 4. put it all in and if your using an electric hob turn the hob off after the pasta has cooked, put in all the other ingredients and put the pan on the hob, it will still cook as the hob is hot enough after cooking the pasta, saves you money.

the stock of the brocolli can be chopped up into little bits and put into a pot, along with any other veg such as finely chopped up potato, leeks, carrots for example any tomatoes, good for using up soft tomatoes. put in water and stock cube and you have a filling soup serve with a slice of bread.

You can buy a tin of ratatouille a tin will serve 2/3. Put rice into boil, take off hob put to side and cover the top of the pot, turn hob off put another pot on the hob with chopped up onion/garlic and any other left over veg and put the tin of rataouille in with it when it is cooked then serve with the rice. yummy

Stir fry : fry up left over veg and serve with rice - yum - if you have any left over chopped tomatoes put that in with it.

i think the problem is that people can be too fussy and not think of easy cooking with the basics. Look up receipes from the Great Depression and you will find some really simple ideas there too.
If you are still struggling: try for some food at the local food bank, if you have a little money then make sure to buy veg. as that is important. veg can be prepared and frozen if need be. Use up all veg and then go onto other things like tinned food/frozen after every mouthfull of veg has been used up.

Look also for instant couscous on sale at 60 p for example, the one with that famous chef you only need to boil a kettle for that and it makes two portions great with a couple of baked potatoes

Food is very important.
Dont go on holiday, when ur contract on mobile phone ends get a pay as you go phone mine costs £5 a month to top up! and the handset cost £14.

Dont drink, smoke, go minamilstic, do you have more that two TVs? sell one to make some money.

These are tought times, a lot of us in the same boat, but there are ways to keep going. and do not be afraid to go to the food bank you need to stay healthy for your kids.

Glasses! is there a way for her to get the best that she can afford? can they not just put in her lens to your existing frames? a lot of people are struggling, but beware of people who might poor mouth too, they have enough but are frugal.
Cut down subscriptions also do you need internet at home, can you use your works at lunch time? can you use a local library that would save you money when your contract ends.

tachetastic · 19/10/2022 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request

Has the appointment already passed? This is something where I would really telephone the hospital and explain, as they may have capacity to help you with transport. Failing that, I know it is embarrassing but see if the bus driver will let you travel. It's awful but if your daughter's appointment is important, any decent human being would help out.

A random lady gave me 10p in a shop last week without being asked when I didn't have enough change and they didn't take cards. There are a lot of kind people out there.

yaqub · 19/10/2022 20:36

I use Specs By Post. I have a high prescription and they thin the lenses down for me. They are a fraction of the high street prices.

Welshmonster · 19/10/2022 20:37

It truly sucks but make sure that it is not something insurance company picks up on if an accident were to happen as they take any excuse to wriggle out.

Dogslife2 · 19/10/2022 20:44

Online specs I get mine from…
lenses:
www.reglaze-glasses-direct.com/
frames:
www.opticiansdirect.co.uk/

JessTD · 19/10/2022 20:51

Kids activities like swimming. Which is heart breaking. I have a baby and toddler and baby formula alone costs a fortune!

Rosejasmine · 19/10/2022 20:54

We are doing ok at the moment thankfully. During the financial crash in 2007/8 ish however I couldn’t afford school shoes for dd, food, gas bill, anything - and didn’t qualify for benefits. It was terrifying. Bailiffs at the door, constant nasty phone calls from the bank ( they are not allowed to do that now…). Absolute nightmare, panic attacks etc. I’m not on that position now but I do feel for people.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 19/10/2022 20:57

shoplifteroftheworld · 19/10/2022 18:41

Where to begin? I'm on UC just now so there's a lot I can't afford - new clothes, holidays, doing up my flat. I can cover just the basics. However, I'm grateful that I can get dental work done. I recently got a denture because I can't afford dental implants but it's a big relief. I get free prescriptions in Scotland too. I have a council property and we've had free heating since the start of the pandemic. Now with the help with energy bills I don't pay for that either. I'm warm, I have enough to eat, I get my medication and I'm working on getting back to work. I'm incredibly grateful for everything I have ❤️

Must be nice to have all that while working people are cold, hungry and going without essential medication or calling in sick because they can’t afford to get to work…

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