Why is he suddenly mentioning this fling after so long

[Macbeth8]

Me and DH had a big break up 7/8 years ago...jesus it was really that long ago 🤨
I'm fine to admit we both saw other people..I actually fell head ovrr heels for another guy (never thought I could love someone after Dh as he was my first love) but it didnt work out
.nothing happened
DH on the other hand slept with many women which he was very proud and vocal about. It seemed like he wss hopping from one to the next.
But there was one that he really, really liked although they only dated 4 times then slept together once and she broke it off with him. The reason I know as when we got back together he was very open and told me about her. Described her as drop dead gorgeous, perfect personality etc but only knew her for over a month?!
The guy I liked I knew for at least 9ver 6 months and we never slept togeher.

I found his feelings about this girl odd. As hed been sleeping around but this one seemed like he was a bit obsessed with. From what he told me I think he liked her way more than she liked him and maybe thats why she called it off as he was just too keen? (Ive done the same with guys)

Anyway, after getting back together he mentioned her a few times which I wasnt too assed about as it was all new/fresh and TBH I talked about the guy I really liked
Anyway, fast forward to getting married and 2 kids later. He recently has mentioned her two weeks in a row! Two weekends where hes been drinking.
I find it really bizarre and quite hurtful as its over 7 years ago.
The only thing I can think off is either hes been in contact with her ot she has with him?
I really dont get why he would just menion her now and talk about her like he was talking about her when we first reconciled.

What does everyone think? Do I say something?

*bump

I think you may be right and that he's seen her somewhere, and started daydreaming about how nice it would be if he could start a relationship with her again. I doubt whether she would have contacted him if she ended the relationship, so I would ask him outright, why he's suddenly started bringing her name up again, ask him if he's seen her somewhere. Then tell him that if he's thinking about her, he'd better be careful, as one sign of infidelity, and he will lose the nice, comfy life that you've built together since he was last involved with her. That is of course assuming that you wouldn't be able to turn a blind eye to him having an affair?

@Stopthebusplease
Thank you. Yes I think I will ask him outright. Once would have been bearable. I nevrr mention past lovers, dates.
He doesnt either its only this one girl. I do find it odd. If they had been together longer, Id semi-get it but it was 4 dates!!

I can sort of relate to this - I've been single a few years and in that time have been having fun with various guys. They were all just casual flings, but one in particular got into my head from the first time we met. We are still friends, although we don't speak that often. I know other guys will not match up to him in my head, I wish it wasn't like that but the connection was so intense. He thought so too but for various reasons we both knew it wouldn't go any further than a casual thing. Perhaps he is very happy with you but for reasons unknown he just had that insane kind of connection with her, even if she didn't feel the same? What I'm trying to say is it doesn't mean he doesn't love you or isn't happy with you, just that she is one of the few people you meet in life that you can't shake off?

@thesnailandthewhale it’s very different when you’re single! Married people shouldn’t be taking wistfully about the one that got away in front of their spouses. It’s hurtful and quite disrespectful to be honest.

He’s got Mentionitis. Whether it’s because he’s been thinking about her, or that he’s seen her, or worse that he’s actually met up with her only he knows.

Yep I totally agree Chiefwiggumsboy - he shouldn't be mentioning her, it is disrespectful and hurtful. I wouldn't be sure he is in touch with her though, the fact he mentions her when he's had a drink may suggest he just verbalises his thoughts a bit more than he should. Not excusing his behaviour at all, you need to speak with him op and see what he says.

It's weird that he talked about her at all. Even 7 years ago. Why would he gush about another woman to you? It's ick. I couldn't stand that. Sounds like you should have stayed broken up. Did you get back together again because it was comfortable/easy after being together so young? My guess would be you both settled. If so, I'd fear/expect a low level dissatisfaction and a roving eye to be par for the course unfortunately.

Yes sadly thats it. I think we got back together as it was easier. We also shared dd1.
Most of all, we both "tried" to move on but nothing worked out with others. I think thats my reason.
Sounds awful.
I do agree the drinking can bring this on and with other poster who said maybe he connected to her on another level BUT....
Its been 7 years. He drinks alot. And O cant recall him mentioning her the past 5 years especially even when rip roaring drunk.
I have tried to search her on social media but no trace so dont think its a case of her popping up as "people you may know" thats why Im worried. I can only think, hes somehow stumbled across her.

It's not so "awful" OP, it's quite common and particularly since you already had DD1 it was probably wise to give it a shot for her sake. I did the same with a previous relationship so I know how easy it is to slip back into familiar territory. I got out before marriage/children luckily but I can see how easy it would have been for me to end up in the situation you're describing.

Doea she live local to you? Could he have saw her in the street and now she's in his head? If you can't find her on social media then he probably couldn't either? In this instance I wouldn't panic too much but if he mentions her again I would absolutely nip that in the bud and tell him how disrespectful it is to pine over past lovers to your wife.

I would also question if you want to stay in this relationship long term. Maybe it suits for now with the DC but he doesn't sound like he's invested in your marriage and also if he drinks a lot I'd be concerned what type of environment your home is for you and the children?

@Theroad

Thanks . Good to know we arent the only couple. Thats exactly it: familiar territory.

So she lives in the city centre, a small town known to be quite rough whilst we live on the outskirts. We hardly ever go to the city centre too. So no idea if he has seen her about

Im ready for the next time now. I also fell for someone but I never mention him out of the blue only if dh asks me something about him in particular.