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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset DS hasn't messaged me on my birthday?

21 replies

kylaur · 17/10/2022 17:57

DS is 18, he didn't get good enough grades to get into uni, so he was disappointed. All was doing since then was go out drinking and was playing Xbox constantly.

About 2 weeks ago, we had an argument as he wasn't doing his chores that he was supposed to be doing, when I spoke to him about it he told me to fuck off, I told him if he didn't learn to respect me I would stop paying for his phone (yes, I know he's 18 but I still pay for it).

He stormed out and has been staying at a mates, ive not heard from him apart from when I messaged him asking if he wanted to meet up so we could talk about what happened, he said no and ever since he's been leaving me on seen.

Today's my birthday, and I've not had a card off of him or even a message

AIBU to be a bit upset?

OP posts:

WeAreAllLionesses · 17/10/2022 18:02

YANBU but he's a teen with a grudge so try and not take it to heart.

And happy birthday.

BuryingAcorns · 17/10/2022 18:08

YANBU. He has a hell of a lot of growing up to do. I hope his mate (or his mate's mum?) grow tired soon and tell him to move on.

Happy Birthday.

Thatiswild · 17/10/2022 18:10

Yanbu that all sounds difficult but it’s awful bit to acknowledge it, it would have been the ideal opportunity to make amends, I’d be really upset too.

Happy birthday and I hope other people in your life spoil you instead.

FinallyHere · 17/10/2022 18:20

Happy Birthday.

Let DS cool off a bit. I was pretty horrible to especially my mother until a grew up a bit and eventually came to realise that she was right on pretty much everything.

Trust if you have a good basis for a relationship he will eventually come round. Whatever you do don't chase after him. Let him come to the realisation himself.

Motnight · 17/10/2022 18:22

Did you stop paying for his phone, Op?

18 was the peak of my dd's teenage unpleasantness. Hang on in, it gets better!

Createausernamehere · 17/10/2022 18:26

It’s highly likely to hasn’t actually remembered it’s your bday

He sounds immature and I suspect whoever he is staying with will get ended up soon.
He also sounds a bit lost - was he disappointed in his grades ?

Could his Dad or a member of your family like his aunt or grandparent drop him a text to remind him it’s your bday and see how he responds then?

how about inviting him out for a bday drink and try to build some bridges that way?

anyway, Happy Birthday. Teenagers are hard work.

Loachworks · 17/10/2022 18:34

Stop running after him and let him live with the consequences of his actions. I'd have been more surprised if you did get a message today. He still thinks he's punishing you.

GettingItOutThere · 17/10/2022 19:30

happy birthday! stop paying for his phone! hes 18!!!

Original poster

kylaur · 17/10/2022 19:47

Yes, he was disappointed with his grades as he was hoping to go to uni. I'm still paying for his phone, I think he does know it's my birthday as it will have told him on Facebook and he has been active today.

OP posts:

Dacadactyl · 17/10/2022 19:59

Id stop paying for his phone tbh.

Modestandatinybitsexy · 17/10/2022 19:59

Stop paying for his phone! He disrespected you to your face and when pulled up on it he doubled down and still didn't get any consequences!
Happy birthday, I hope he comes around soon

Stomacharmeleon · 17/10/2022 22:52

You now have to mean what you say.... and not pay the phone.

Pixiedust1234 · 18/10/2022 00:10

Hes telling you he's an adult now. So start treating him like one. Stop chasing and stop paying. Actions have consequences and he needs to know that at 18 years.

Addicted2LoveIsland · 18/10/2022 00:11

Stop messaging him. Let him stew in his own juice he will come round.

Bigbadfish · 18/10/2022 00:15

He's not going to respect you when you have no respect for yourself.

JestersTear · 18/10/2022 00:30

Is he planning to go to college and resit, perhaps up his grades and get to uni?
Or take a year out and try again? Or has he just given up?

I agree with the others though, if he can't respect you then there have to be consequences. Stop paying for his phone, and any other of his expenses.

Kitkatcatflap · 18/10/2022 02:38

He is showing you how immature he is. Your birthday would have been a perfect time to make up. He must know he can't stay at his friends forever. I agree with the previous posters - stop paying for his phone.

He may have been disappointed with his results, but the answer to that is not taking it out on you.

Hope you had a good birthday under the circumstances

Weatherwax13 · 18/10/2022 03:34

YANBU. I don't blame you for being hurt. Kids can cause so much pain sometimes. Really hope you can work things out with him soon. Little sod.

Cameleongirl · 18/10/2022 03:47

Happy Birthday! He’s being a little sod, don’t react to it.

Perhaps text again next week to see about having a chat, but I agree with PP’s, he’s got some growing up to do and you shouldn’t run after him. It’s not a bad thing for him to experience life without Mum’s support, it might make him appreciate you more (eventually). 💐

Happylittlethoughts · 18/10/2022 06:22

Well, after the "fuck off" his phone would disconnect in my house.
No birthday wishes is hurtful.
Time to rethink parenting this entitled little arse.

thelobsterquadrille · 18/10/2022 06:25

Cut his phone off.

He'll soon be back if he has no other income or way of paying for it.

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