To threaten DS with the police?

[insomaniac]

I know I'm probably BU but ill give context

DS is 16, he was in a relationship with a boy for a few months, after they broke up their relationship was very on and off which I think is normal for teenagers (it was years ago anyway), DS is autistic and got very fixated on this boy, when he's had friends over I've heard them telling him not to give him more chances and he can do better etc.

One of his friends has told me she's worried about him as ex blocked him, DS doesn't think he'll get unblocked this time and seemed fine for a while and kept telling them all he hated him. However, he's recently got it into his head ex is in a new relationship and seems to be really obsessed with finding out if they are in a relationship or just friends, which obviously doesn't concern him, he's done a lot of social media stalking and hasn't found his answer but has asked his friends to help, they've not agreed but they reminded him that he hates him, DS still says he hates him but if he finds out they're in a relationship it'll make him stop waiting for ex to talk to him again and to move on (I do feel a bit sad for ds there as it was his first proper relationship).

DS doesn't seem to think anything's wrong as he's not contacting him, or his friends but obviously if ex found out he could possibly get in trouble for harrassment?

I was wondering if id be U to threaten him with the police to make him stop doing this, as it might scare him?

Of course that's unreasonable. Your son needs parental guidance, not absurd threats about calling in the police. Parent your child.

Don't be bloody daft OP. Talk to your son. You know, like a parent......

How exactly is he harassing him if he's not had any contact?

if you mean you're going to threaten to report him to the police that's a bit silly OP. Do you mean you're going to warn him that if he doesn't back off/keeps up with the stalking type behaviour then his ex may get the police involved? That would be sensible advice as he's being too full on - but for goodness sake don't threaten your child with the police!

Don't be daft. He needs firm direction from his parents at this stage, not the police. This is one of those teachable moments where a parent needs to guide him to make the healthy decisions.

Your DS needs therapy not the cops. I have an autistic gay son, please get him the help and support he needs if you aren’t capable of providing it.

What he is doing is unhealthy for him but not illegal?. I look at my exes socials all the time?

I don’t understand why you would threaten him with the police? Talk to him, have empathy for him, and guide him.

I will speak to DS but I don't think he'd listen and stop unless I mentioned the police, as he's told his friends he won't stop until he finds out and if he finds out that the ex is in a new relationship he'll move on.

He's not contacting the ex no, but he's constantly viewing his account after he's been blocked which means the ex doesn't want DS viewing his profile and the ex could possibly report him to the police if he found out.

@Theroad that's what I meant yes.

I read it as you want to warn ds his ex might contact the police, which makes sense, you need to talk to him about what's going on, if he's becoming obsessive.
A lot of people do a little social media stalking of exs/people they like , as long as he doesn't make contact, it's pretty harmless.

Pretty sure you can’t report to the police people viewing online readily available information, even if you’re blocked. What crime do you think he is committing?

It really seems like there is a level of understanding missing from you toward him. That’s not to say his behaviour is ideal because it’s not, and if you are able to open dialogue with him, then this can come up. And if you can’t are you able to get him to a counsellor?

... which means the ex doesn't want DS viewing his profile and the ex could possibly report him to the police if he found out.

This isn't illegal, whether he's constantly going to the blocked page to see if he's still blocked or logging off to view the blocked content or even asking friends to let him see the content via their accounts. The main damage your son is doing is to himself and possibly to his other friendships. If he's doing something like posting credible threats on the timeline, following the boy around in real life, making nuisance phone calls, etc. it could rise to the level of harrassment.

It sounds like your son needs help undertanding that (1) no one is owed a relationship, romance, or sex; either party can end a relationship at any time for any or no reason (2) when a relationship ends, the options aren't just "hate your ex" vs "get back together", the default would be to respect that the relationship is over and keep a polite distance (3) the ex does not want to be with him and this has nothing to do with whether or not the ex is in a new relationship, your son does not need to wait until the ex is with someone else in order to move on himself (4) the breakup and the loss of the relationship will hurt very much at first but less so over time; focusing on other things besides the ex will speed the healing process. His friends are supportive now but they won't have infinite patience, especially if they come to feel he is treating the ex unfairly. And (5) everyone deserves basic privacy, including the ex and his friend/possible new boyfriend.

If you (and his other parent, if applicable) aren't able to help him with this, can you get him some professional counseling? I'm not sure how much of this is autism and how much is just being a young inexperienced person without much perspective on relationships and breakups, but if he has an autism diagnosis that could be first step in finding appropriate help.

Any mention of the police is ridiculous.
You need to help your son get over his ex.