No effort on my birthday

[ChocolateCakee]

It's my birthday today and he has only brought me a bunch of cheap flowers from the supermarket, no card from him or my DD no chocolates no effort, for his birthday I spent a fortune cause I wanted to make him feel special on his birthday brought him an expensive designer wallet, football shirt, cards from me and dd and dinner which cost nearly £150. I'm not asking for the same back just a little more effort put in to the day, he hasn't even planned to take me anywhere as he is asking me what I want to do... it's the same every year I'm just so fed up!

There’s such a pattern in threads like this.
The OP usually posts “lol” and it’s really sad that they don’t even have the self esteem to present their own needs to strangers on line without faux-laughing at it.
And they’re usually 6 months pregnant.

Stop with lol and give yourself the respect of taking it seriously. He’s out of order, and you’re not silly to be upset.

What’s the point though of saying if he’s the same next year you won’t get him anything? Cos if you’ve just had a birthday, his next one is before yours. So you’ll let him be shit thoughtless this time but still get him stuff next time? Why? Why “one more chance” when you know what he’s like?

Tell him that as a couple you want to celebrate birthdays this way - and if he doesn’t, then it stops for both of you. Now.

Telling him what you want him to do is just the first step OP, but if he does do the same thing next year, after you've made it clear what you want, and expect, then I'd seriously think about whether you want to continue a relationship with someone who cares so little about your feelings. All too often men only make the effort until they've got you hooked, ie, living in, doing their washing, cooking their meals, etc., and then they start to ease off with the complements, the little treats that make you feel special, etc, not realising that if they don't treat you right, there's a good chance you might find someone who will. I know some women are like this too, but please don't let this happen to your relationship OP, both of you working at it together could well see you still happy together in 30 years time. Failure to work at it, could see you in the divorce courts in a year or two, maybe it's time to point that out too?

OP tell your dh that you assume from the cheap flowers that he forgot your birthday.
Add that you will expect him to come home tomorrow with an appropriate gift and a booking at a nice restaurant.
And mean it.

Yes do this. Except give him a week to replan and chose you proper birthday presents. If he asks for ideas, be ready- books and jewellery or similar!

This used to happen to me. I made big fusses for everyone's birthdays then DH made zero effort for me.

So I did nothing for his birthday. Kiss and a happy birthday plus a card the the kids and that's it. I said that I assumed he wasn't bothered as he did nothing for mine.

Next birthday I got a good gift, cards and balloons. And every year since.

You are NOT being a drama queen and it's not about sitting waiting for the man to do something. It's about him showing he loves and cares about you. You don't have to spend ££s for someone's birthday to make them feel special. A bath when they get home, favourite foods being cooked, even a foot rub or a visit to your favourite cafe.

A card a cheap flowers smacks of a rush job with no thought or feeling behind it, being taken for granted at its best. He doesn't think you warrant anything better or more effort

I wouldn’t be lolling if I was stuck with such a lazy, selfish man. I hope he’s not the same in the bedroom is he? It’s shit the way he treats you like an afterthought. He shouldn’t need telling to be less thoughtless towards you, especially when you go all out to please him on his special day. You need to stop doing that from now on. See how he likes never being made to feel special by the person who’s supposed to love him.

This makes me very sad.
Same thing happened to me and googling the topic led me here.
I also just had my first baby 8 weeks ago and feel I could have been appreciated a bit more. I got no flowers but asked what I wanted. Out of politeness I said nothing but was hoping he would buy me something after I spent close to £200 on his bday. He then said he would give me money but by 8pm that day I still didn't get anything and just felt very deflated. This was my third bday after our marriage and it just highlights how unromantic he is and not so caring in my opinion.

@CityGirl01 - Start your own thread if you want more comments on it but these threads happen all the time on mumsnet. Some men are just useless but you’ll have all the usual apologists for them, people saying birthdays are for kids, organise it all yourself etc, they don’t know what to buy- anyone with basic powers of observation living with someone else could take a guess at what to buy- it’s not difficult

Ask yourself why you married him when he’s like this and if there’s anything redeeming about his behaviour

Thank you for the advice

My ex used to do this. I mentioned it to my new partner a few months ago when we were talking about birthdays. He told me this year would be different and he would spoil me because I'm his Queen.
Roll on to today, my birthday, and guess what? He hasn't bothered either.
I have called him out on it and I'm not happy. I took him out for dinner and bought him two sports jerseys that he wanted. It's his 40th birthday next January and he is expecting a big party 🤣
My mother called round with a card last night as she is too busy cooking dinner today to come and see me.
So yeah, I'm feeling special today. 46 years on this planet and nobody gives a shit.

I am sorry you're feeling hurt and disappointed.
When you talk to him, I would check does he think birthdays are important and does he actually want a fuss and presents on his? Maybe it's not a big deal to him. Then explain that it does matter to you as if make you feel cared for.
Communication can solve this.

Happy birthday!
Turn it around, take yourself out if you can even just for coffee & cake!
I would make it clear to your new partner you're disappointed he's ignored your birthday. Hopefully he'll make it up to you for this year & never repeat this again!

Once during the pandemic my dh did literally nothing. He hadn’t even forgotten, just didn’t get his arse into gear. Weirdly, his family really don’t seem to get birthdays like normal people do!

I cried.

he is however a good husband in many other ways. He knew he upset me and has made an effort every year since.

yanbu at all to feel upset but sometimes men are just useless with birthdays. I’d say you need to be clear to him how you feel- it’s how he reacts to that that’s important.

I don’t set much store by birthdays tbf, but I would hope a partner would be a LOT more thoughtful to his 6 month pregnant wife on her birthday. You’re not being a drama queen - he’s lazy, thoughtless and cheap. Please ignore his next birthday and spend the money on you.