Firstly, come over to the neurodiverse mumsnetters board. We can give you lots of support. Secondly, make an appointment with your gp to discuss being assessed for both asd and adhd. They'll likely get you to do a questionnaire on both, then if you score highly enough you'll be referred on.

What do you think an official diagnosis will change? You will still be the same person as before.

The official diagnosis gives validation that you're not just shit at life. Yes, you're the same person, but with an understanding of why some things are so difficult that nt people find simple.

Diagnosed with asd at age 50 2 years ago, and with adhd a week and a half ago. I like myself a lot more than I did.

I know that this is unlikely to be a malicious comment, but I really dislike the 'diagnosis doesn't do anything but label' stance. Diagnosis has made a huge difference to my life. Instead of feeling like I'm a broken and defective human being that just can't get on with life, I now know why I am the way that I am and I can think of ways to adjust accordingly.

When you don't know what is up, you might force yourself into doing things you can't cope with because of a desperate desire to be like everyone else, which can actually make it all worse. E.g. forcing yourself to be out socialising every day and ending up in a six month burnout on sick leave because you are overextended. Pushing through when melting down because other people manage so why shouldn't you, and ending up in hospital. Etc

I get very overwhelmed when my environment is 'messy' or 'out of control'. When DH would come to try and help, I'd lash out and cry and scream and we'd get nothing done, plus he'd be upset with me for being difficult. Now, when we both see signs of stress whilst trying to do a task, we stop and he asks if I'm overwhelmed, in which case I leave and take a break, so we can come back to it later or the next day. No arguing, no resentment, and a much quicker recovery so we can resume the task together or I can do it later on my own if that helps. No more burnout, no more long term sick leave. Such a weight of my shoulders and a lot of learning about how to structure my life around having ASD, instead of trying to do things the way I thought they needed to be done. Of course it's not a magic fix and I still struggle, but diagnosis has done a lot for my sense of self.

You can argue that you could just live and adjust assuming you have ASD and not seek diagnosis, but that external validation can be very powerful in healing some of the trauma. It felt similar to hearing an external body acknowledge abuse I suffered as a child. I knew it wasn't my fault and that I had a right to be angry, but the government telling me that I was right and it shouldn't have happened was very cathartic and validating.

An official diagnosis gives validation and can be a pathway to better understanding of self. It can also enable reasonable adjustments at work. With ADHD, there is medication that can be prescribed, but a diagnosis is required. Also, a diagnosis can lead to better relationships with others (if declared).

OP, book an appointment with your GP to request a referral for both assessments and, as suggested previously, come over to the Neurodiverse MN board.

The AQ test is used for autism screening. This link is free:

psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient

A diagnosis surely allows people to understand themselves better? I've also had to explain that I have difficulties with stuff due to my Autism. Without a diagnosis I had no explanation and couldn't get any adjustments.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/neurodiverse_mumsnetters

Yes, come over to this board, @Yupbutnobut . You might find it useful to browse the historical threads as there are many from people in your position.

Three areas for ASD:
Sensory:
Social and communication
Routine.

Google autism women/girls look for stuff you do that fits the three categories above.

Likewise for ADHD/add

You sound like you are having meltdowns. (A diagnosis so helps you to know to stop before you get overwhelmed )

Oh and do have an answer for what getting a diagnosis will change for you. They do like to ask this a lot.

The Embrace Autism site is a good resource if you want to research/investigate further: embrace-autism.com

@Yupbutnobut
I've looked at online tests but the websites always seem a bit dodgy and always require payment. Thanks.

Don't know where you've been looking, but no online tests are diagnostic, so there should never be any payment requested.

Additude mag is legit and has loads which you can complete to show your GP.

This symptom checker suggests different conditions depending on which questions you answer.

www.additudemag.com/symptom-checker/

Complete it and scroll down on the last page, the answers are on the screen. below this text
"Please note: These results are not a diagnosis and are not a replacement for evaluation and diagnosis by a medical professional. If you remain concerned, please consult a professional." and then below the email or print buttons.

I just filled it in based on adult DD's symptoms and it's pretty accurate in suggsting conditions she's already diagnosed with.