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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so angry at OH

21 replies

Boymummy1401 · 17/10/2022 10:10

Myself and my OH are going through a lot at the moment (another thread on this in relationships), he is a very controlling person towards me and i hate his behavior most of the time but yesterday he took it to a new level.

I have a son from previous relationship (9) who as most 9 year olds do has a little attitude sometimes, my partner of 7 years has always been amazing with him but recently i have noticed him changing the way he speaks to him, i dont know if this because of his attitude or what. The other day my son was asked to tidy his room and gave a little back chat and my OH shouted in his face and called him a little s**t.

Last night my son asked to make a drink as OH was in kitchen, OH said 'not now you'll have to wait a minute whilst i do this' my son then proceeded to huff a little bit and my OH just went mad, started shouting at him that he needs to learn how to act etc and ordered him to get down and give him 10 push ups!!! I was upstairs at the time but when i heard this i ran down the stairs, got my son up and went mad at OH. I am so angry at him and he thinks i am overreacting and being too overprotective but in my opinion his controlling ways are now being put onto my son and i wont have it!!

Advice please

OP posts:
SleeplessInEngland · 17/10/2022 10:11

You say he's been good up until now. Is anything going on in his life that might have provoked a change?

Bassetlover · 17/10/2022 10:12

LTB

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 17/10/2022 10:13

What did you say to him after he called your son a little shit?

Mangogogogo · 17/10/2022 10:13

I think he probably hasn’t always been good with him. This is just the first time you’re seeing this abuse

pictish · 17/10/2022 10:13

He sounds a self-absorbed tyrant, beating his chest around your son with simmering resentment bubbling beneath. Frankly. 10 push ups? Pathetic.

JorisBonson · 17/10/2022 10:14

He swore at him and MADE HIM DO PUSH UPS and you haven't chucked him out??

Original poster
Boymummy1401 · 17/10/2022 10:18

i've told him to get out, he has been controlling around me for a long time and im the first to admit ive been weak and naive and im embarrassed about that but i wont have it directed onto my kids. We have a child together (2) and he says that if i chuck him out or split with him he will take me to court to take our son to live in australia with him

OP posts:
MRSE20 · 17/10/2022 10:18

I think you need to do the right thing for yourself and your son and leave him
Is he the father of your son?
You have already mentioned him being controlling and he is now being abusive towards your child - you know yourself this is a huge no no or you wouldn’t of posted
Please leave before it progresses

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 17/10/2022 10:20

OK OP, you should have probably mentioned that in your first post because that's important that you'll need advice on rather than whether you need to leave him or not.

I don't think he'll be able to do that but there are people much better qualified to answer that than me.

MRSE20 · 17/10/2022 10:21

Boymummy1401 · 17/10/2022 10:18

i've told him to get out, he has been controlling around me for a long time and im the first to admit ive been weak and naive and im embarrassed about that but i wont have it directed onto my kids. We have a child together (2) and he says that if i chuck him out or split with him he will take me to court to take our son to live in australia with him

Please do not let his threats keep you from leaving him
If he does take you to court you can tell them what he has said to your son and making him do push ups for punishment
Is there anywhere safe you can go atm OP?

TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 17/10/2022 10:21

Wow - how utterly cruel and abusive. Get rid of him for good, he won't get full custody of your child. You HAVE to protect your children you are the only person that can do that, don't make your oldest hate you for not doing so.

butterfliedtwo · 17/10/2022 10:22

When you have two threads on here about an abusive boyfriend, it's probably time to leave. The threat of court is more abuse. Do what's right for your children.

billy1966 · 17/10/2022 10:23

So you are in an abusive relationship and he's now abusive towards your son.

Get him out and protect your child.

Ring Women's aid and tell them about his threats to take your child.

Put a block on any passport.
They will tell you how to do this.

This is coercive control.

Trying to control you whild threatening to leave the country with your child.

Ring 101 for advice.

Take this very seriously and start protecting your child.

OoooohMatron · 17/10/2022 10:24

Boymummy1401 · 17/10/2022 10:18

i've told him to get out, he has been controlling around me for a long time and im the first to admit ive been weak and naive and im embarrassed about that but i wont have it directed onto my kids. We have a child together (2) and he says that if i chuck him out or split with him he will take me to court to take our son to live in australia with him

Tell him good luck with that. He's a bastard OP, he won't get any better.

StarDolphins · 17/10/2022 10:28

Made him do10 push ups? That would be a massive no from me, who do he think he is saying crap like this. I would ask him to leave.

MRSE20 · 17/10/2022 10:30

I have read your other post about him being physically abusive to you and I am concerned for you and your sons safety
Is there a friend of families home you can go to and defiantly call woman’s aid

Aprilx · 17/10/2022 10:36

When I have read these horrible stories about stepfathers that have killed stepchildren, there has often been a history of using exercises like push ups as a “punishment”. It is a massive red flag, appallingly abusive.

He isn’t going to be able to take your joint child to Australia. He would have one hell of a battle, the courts default position would be that the child stays in the country they are already in. An abusive father that uses push ups as a punishment has not got a cat in hells chance of winning that custody battle. Hide his passport or birth certificate though.

girlmom21 · 17/10/2022 10:39

Tell the nasty bullying bastard to try and take you to court. Get rid. Your poor son!

AryaStarkWolf · 17/10/2022 10:42

Boymummy1401 · 17/10/2022 10:18

i've told him to get out, he has been controlling around me for a long time and im the first to admit ive been weak and naive and im embarrassed about that but i wont have it directed onto my kids. We have a child together (2) and he says that if i chuck him out or split with him he will take me to court to take our son to live in australia with him

Ignore that, a court isn't going to give him full custody and allow him to take your son to Australia

orbitalcrisis · 17/10/2022 10:44

Abusers threaten that. My dad used to threaten to take custody of my son all the time and I was so brain washed by him, I actually thought he would be able to do it. I know this is different, but you just need people like that out of your life as much as possible. Call a domestic abuse charity and get a plan in place. You can do this, you're better and stronger without him.

Northernsoullover · 17/10/2022 10:47

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