How do I cut off a narcisstic co dependent mum

[Whoopsywoo]

Who goes mad at nc

You need to shut all access routes to you.

Block email, mobile and landlines, social media.

Consider moving, and changing job. Move the childrens schools if there is any chance she may try to lift them or intercept them if they travel independently.

Be wary of 'flying monkeys' sent by her to obtain info/report back to her/apply pressure to you to resume contact.

Good advice about the flying monkeys.

How do you know she goes mad when you go no contact?

Because iv tried it and always give in as it gets so so stressful

Ah ok.

So which is more stressful? Going NC or having contact with her?

But maybe not as stressful as allowing her back in. Steel yourself that this time it's for good, whatever she throws at you.

Of course she hates it if you go NC. She's a narcissist, it's part of the definition that the (her) world and everyone in it must revolve around her. Rejection is one of the things a narcissist fears most because it means someone isn't playing to the rules the narcissist sets for them, they have lost control, and they will do anything to take it back. Well when I say anything, becoming a nicer person obviously isn't included. They will use guilt, blackmail and threats. In a nutshell, they almost lose their minds at the outrage of NC.

Grit your teeth through the worst parts and it will get easier in time.

The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free

Move. Change numbers. (Get a hitman?)

I'd just be really direct. Tell her x behaviour is unacceptable and you won't tolerate it any more. Explain that if she continues to do x then you will stop having contact with her. Then she will either stop doing x in which case great she's respecting your boundaries or she'll do x again in which case you say I was really clear with you that if you continued to behave in this way that I would no longer have contact with you and that is now what will happen. Then you walk away/ put the phone down and you block her on everything and refuse to talk to other people about her if she tries to get messages to you through them. And it's up to you how long you choose to enforce that for. Maybe forever or maybe you attempt low contact periodically to test if she has learnt her lesson.