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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if you want your child to receive that many gifts at a party

26 replies

tingalayo · 16/10/2022 22:52

This is following on from the birthday party thread on here, where the OP didn't bring a present to a child's birthday party and almost everyone said YABU for not bringing a present. I completely understand and agree that that is the social convention and it's expected. But when I go to large parties for preschoolers, the table covered in presents makes me feel really stressed at the idea of my kid receiving all that. It must be so overwhelming for the child opening all those presents at once and it would be too much to fit into your storage space on top of all the presents they'd be getting from family too etc. I'm just wondering if your young child has had a party for 20 children, were you actually happy about your child receiving 20 presents from it? Or does this social convention only exist because nobody knows how to stop it?

OP posts:
00100001 · 16/10/2022 22:53

The solution to your stress is to not have a large class party.

duvetdrama · 16/10/2022 22:54

I feel the same and have never hosted a party like that for my kids as the volume of presents would just be too much. Sorry, not helpful but always thought this too!

Magn · 16/10/2022 22:55

We hate it too. Once they're older I'm thinking saying we'd rather have anonymous money and doing 50% charity, 50% present. Should probably be the child's choice though.

Bootskates · 16/10/2022 22:58

I did a party for around 20 kids last year (mix of school friends, friends from dance class and cousins)

It was about a 50/50 mix between a fiver in a card and gifts. Most gifts were along the lines of a craft set, box of Maltesers, barbie etc only one gift was a pain in the arse to store so not too bad

Bootskates · 16/10/2022 23:00

Not that I expected it by the way! When people asked what she would like I just said to just bring themselves no gifts expected etc

MsMelody · 16/10/2022 23:02

We did a joint party with two other kids from the class and put ‘no need to bring gifts’ on the invitation (especially as it would have meant everyone bringing three gifts). I honestly don’t think the birthday kids minded.

Original poster
tingalayo · 16/10/2022 23:03

BTW I'm not looking for a solution for myself, my child's party is soon and we put on the invite not to bring gifts because we don't have a car and can't take anything home! Which is actually true and very convenient.

OP posts:
KermitlovesKeyLimePie · 16/10/2022 23:05

Never been a problem here as DS17 has been attending an amazing SEN school since reception.

His class size has always been roughly 6 pupils, give or take so parties are easy!

Needmorelego · 16/10/2022 23:10

I never invited more than about 6 children to my daughter's parties.

user1477249785 · 16/10/2022 23:10

God I used to hate it. The needless consumption was really wasteful. I loved it when DD started a new school and the agreement was everyone gave a small Amazon voucher. Each child could then pick one gift that they really wanted with the total

MrsIronfoundersson · 16/10/2022 23:22

When RSVPing to a party invitation, I always said 'happy to put money in a card if child is saving up for something' - it was always gratefully accepted.

ChocFrog · 16/10/2022 23:28

We have parties for 20-30 kids. Usually roughly half the class give money and the other half give personal things they expect us to like, and 2-3 forget.

We’re very happy with that, certainly don’t find it stressful. Occasionally there’s something we don’t want in which case we regift it or charity shop.

I would hate it if people, especially those struggling for money, felt they had to buy something. When the topic comes up at school gate pre-party chats I’m always very clear that there’s no need to bring a gift.

Pixiedust1234 · 16/10/2022 23:29

You only really need to do a class party for the first year. Its kind of a getting to know you party coupled with a you invited mine to yours scenario. After that you only invite their actual friends and where they have it. Adventure Park at £20 a head, you only invite one or two close friends. At your house then maybe ten. If they have more than ten friends you just ask which ten. I think you are trying to make a problem where there isn't one.

DelurkingAJ · 16/10/2022 23:32

Agreed and then the thank you cards…argh. DS2 had his two best mates over this year, and got two perfect presents because they know him. Delightful!

SkiingIsHeaven · 16/10/2022 23:34

For us the gifts went in the "present cupboard" and were used as gifts for the next parties.

We didn't need all of that crap and we saved a fortune.

Just keep a list of who gave what if you do that.

Mardyface · 16/10/2022 23:35

I hate it too. I've had a couple of class parties and tried to say no presents for one bit everyone ignored, which to be fair I probably would do. It's so much stuff and the horrible grabby 'next!' thing it invokes in the kid really disturbs me. Afterwards I realised I could have eked the presents out a bit but it didn't occur to me at the time.

DeeCeeCherry · 16/10/2022 23:36

I couldn't care that much tbh. Its neither your child nor your party, just do what you want with your own DCs. Its a bit joyless to go to a celebration and spend time disapproving. Im sure the birthday child isn't upset at all the presents and maybe the parents aren't either. Each to their own is a good thing.

SpinningFloppa · 16/10/2022 23:39

It’s always going to be rude not to bring a gift to a Party unless specifically told not to!

Testng123 · 16/10/2022 23:42

It's fiver parties around here. Everyone gives a card with a fiver in it and the birthday child gets to buy one big present.

Snugglemonkey · 16/10/2022 23:44

My son got 30 presents at his last party and it was a LOT. I hadn't really thought about it before but I was left thinking that it would be better if we didn't all do it, or if a charity donation or something would be better. My son loved it of course, he got lovely things and lots of very generous gifts, but I don't think anybody needs 30 toys!

mycatisannoying · 16/10/2022 23:46

We love giving and receiving presents. I wouldn't be so joyless as to give away my child's gifts unless they were duplicates.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/10/2022 23:49

SkiingIsHeaven · 16/10/2022 23:34

For us the gifts went in the "present cupboard" and were used as gifts for the next parties.

We didn't need all of that crap and we saved a fortune.

Just keep a list of who gave what if you do that.

So you didn't want actual presents from people but instead of saying that, you took them knowing you just intended to give them away. Sorry, but I think that's really shit and dishonest.

AntiHop · 16/10/2022 23:50

I agree with you op. I was really stressed about my dd's 8th birthday recently as she's already got plenty of toys and our house is really small. She's got gifts she received for her previous birthday that she's barely touched.

These days when dd gets birthday party invitations, I ask the parents if they'd like money or a gift. If they say a gift, I always include a gift receipt. I also ask for ideas for a gift so that it's something they'd like. Only one parent did the same for dd.

Discwriter · 16/10/2022 23:54

We recently had a whole class party for my dd in p2. The amount of presents were obscene and they were all expensive - region of £20-£30. We don't live in a particularly flash area, so I wasn't expecting it at all - and still feel guilty about it.

SarahWoodruff · 16/10/2022 23:55

Totally agree - I hate the idea that people wouldn't come to a kid's party because they couldn't afford a gift. I couldn't get my head around the other thread at all.