More of a what would you do rather than an AIBU, but I'm at a loss with a very close friend who I just want to teach how to say no!
Long story short she was asked pre-covid to be a bridesmaid for someone who at the time was a fairly good friend, albeit she never got to see her without this girls girlfriend.
Fast forward to now and over the course of two years the bride to be has seen her twice - when my friend travelled to their gender reveal and baby shower.
My friend had her first baby in Jan 21, and the bride to be made no effort once lockdown lifted, to go see her, meet half way etc. Cancelled on her, conveniently forgot they had plans etc. Excuse after excuse. The brides fiance then got pregnant and the first time my friend saw them since Feb 2020 was Oct 2021, at their gender reveal party, which she travelled 2 hours for. Following that, no other meet ups until their baby shower in feb 2022, again which she drove to them for.
My friend is now pregnant again and baby number 2 will be 5 months when this wedding happens, abroad. Plus ones and children have been disinvited from the wedding due to costs.
She has said multiple times that she feels uncomfortable being bridesmaid for someone now that she has barely seen and barely has a friendship with, the cost of it, the stress of it, plus her baby will likely be EBF so her fiance will have to get the baby to and from the wedding for feeds, along with their toddler.
She literally doesn't want to do it for so many valid reasons but when she said to the girl could she step down and just come as a guest, she was asked to think about it even longer until the baby arrives... so the bride does actually want her as a bridesmaid even though she never sees her!
It's like she's bridal party filler - this friend has cancelled on her 4 times this year since the baby shower, the last time just ghosted her and then told her some lame excuse that her fiance forgot they were seeing them (aka they had a better offer from the fiances mates, photos posted of this on social media), has made no effort at all.
I just think my friends being a mug and needs to stand firm and and say no. She says herself she feels like it's a one way friendship yet is terrified of telling this girl no. She is overly understanding of other people's situations, and the impact of babies etc on seeing friends. She still likes this person and cares for her but does realise its a one way friendship.
Sorry a massive post but I don't know how else to advise her or how she can even step down when this friend won't even meet her face to face.