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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Selfish friend sent her sick child round for a sleepover

40 replies

imannoyedattessa · 16/10/2022 21:03

i was chatting with one of the mums from school in the playground a couple of weeks ago. We are quite friendly and she was telling me she had a new full time job and didn’t know how she would manage childcare. I also work full time, but have recently made some changes so that I’m able to collect my daughter once a week at 3:15pm. She’s 7. I expressed as much and said in passing ‘if you ever need a hand I could collect both of the girls and look after them for a couple of hours until you finish work’. We parted ways and I continued with my day. Fast forward to the following week - a Wednesday - and I receive a message from her saying ‘just confirming you’re collecting E tomorrow’.

I was astounded, and almost fell off my chair. Whilst my offer was genuine, it was also a passing comment, and i would have expected to actually be asked with a specific date and a little more notice.

since was collecting my girl anyway, and the two of them get along, I knew it would be fun for them so I disregarded my annoyance in spite of the flippancy and presumption of the request and agreed to help her out as I knew she was working and would struggle to find alternative child care at such late notice.

Wednesday night was a late one for me, an order arrived so I put on my new dress and went to a party. I didn’t go to bed until 6am! WILD.

Then I went to work! Then I drove to school to collect the girls! I took them home, and they immediately asked for a sleepover. I asked the mum who said it was ok and that she was always happy to have a night off!!!

We are both single mums, so I get it. I planned to go to bed at 8pm straight after the girls anyway. I bought them a dominos (my daughter is vegetarian, the other child eats meat and insisted on pepperoni, so I allowed it as an exception). We watched drop dead fred; our favourite.
The girls topped and tailed in my daughter’s bed, and I promptly fell asleep.

No more than an hour later I was woken up by extreme and relentless coughing. I tried to block it out and go back to sleep. My daughter came into my room three times crying, telling me her friend was keeping her awake with the coughing. We didn’t sleep a wink.

In the morning I asked the child if she had been feeling unwell for some time, and she told me she had since the beginning of the week. At this point I texted the mum who asked how it went and said:

chid was coughing a lot throughout the night, seems like she’s a bit unwell??

to which I received this response:

Oh poor baby. Glad she was ok this morning

I am FUMING.

My child developed a nasty cough the next day, and had a boring weekend complaining of feeling unwell and requiring medicine, which I don’t like to give unless absolutely necessary. I like to do things naturally if I can, a bit of Zooki, eucalyptus on the chest and Manuka honey usually works and she just LOVES it, but I found myself running to get some buttercup on the school run and was late!!

I’m furious at the selfishness of my ‘friend’ for not telling me her child was Ill and letting her sleep over thus infecting my own child. Barely a word of thanks and no acknowledgment of my passive aggressively pointing this out.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Travis1 · 16/10/2022 21:09

So have you committed to this every week? I would not be doing this all the time. It’s a big commitment

asdadult · 16/10/2022 21:09

Don't be passive aggressive. Just tell her you're not doing it again

FinallyHere · 16/10/2022 21:09

I'd file this experience under the heading 'no good deed going unpunished' and be unavailable for any subsequent request from the mother, at least until she has returned the favour in some way for you.

If you think you might be tempted to help out again, I'd encourage request from something in return. I'd bet anything it will not be possible for the mother to do whatever you request so you can feel confident in refusing any further requests.

asdadult · 16/10/2022 21:10

Also. Please be careful driving and looking after children on no sleep. And working - that would have me dangerous to drive.

Smartish · 16/10/2022 21:13

The cheekiest part of this wasn’t as much the sick child as the assumption that you were having her without actually being asked!!
also, you were out all night till 6am and still managed it into work?!

ImEasyLikeSundayMorning · 16/10/2022 21:17

You were up til 6am then went to work? 🤔

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 16/10/2022 21:18

How do you manage to go out all night then go to work? That doesn't seem....safe?!
Coughs usually incubate though so I would not put the blame on the girl 100%

All my family have a bad phlegmy cough. Stuffs going around right now.

What was the order?! I'm desperate to know 😂

The mother is a cheeky so and so. Do not do again

VerifiedBot2351 · 16/10/2022 21:18

Who looked after your daughter when you were out all night?

Lemonlady22 · 16/10/2022 21:20

Who was with the girls all night when you were out? This is an odd one!

PAFMO · 16/10/2022 21:20

What's the connection between getting an order and going on the lash all night?
What does the pizza topping and the choice of viewing have to do with anything?
Is she Tessa?
Have you thought of blogging?

ChocolateCrepe · 16/10/2022 21:21

Well this is all a bit weird

LoveBluey · 16/10/2022 21:23

Definitely cheeky to expect you to do pick up after a casual offer but you could have said no. Even if you agreed to pick up and after school play date you definitely didn't have to say yes to a sleepover. I'd never do an impromptu sleepover on a school night, and certainly not if I hadn't slept at all the night before myself.
Plus the pizza thing is weird. Just order vegetarian if that's what you would normally have. Your child's friend doesn't get to dictate you eat meat.

pollyputthekettleon33 · 16/10/2022 21:24

Lemonlady22 · 16/10/2022 21:20

Who was with the girls all night when you were out? This is an odd one!

Op said she was out the night before. Then went to work, then picked the kids up from school for a sleepover.

I too am confused about the relevance of pizza toppings and manuka honey however.

Also were you drinking on your WILD night out op?

sandytooth · 16/10/2022 21:25

Were you drinking on your night out...Were you safe to drive them?

I asked the mum who said it was ok and that she was always happy to have a night off!!! what's with the !!!? You asked!

extracttransformload · 16/10/2022 21:26

Is this plot of something I don't watch? And a parody?

TimeAtTheBar · 16/10/2022 21:26

This is too weird. I’m off to bed. WILD.

SpotlessMind88 · 16/10/2022 21:27

asdadult · 16/10/2022 21:10

Also. Please be careful driving and looking after children on no sleep. And working - that would have me dangerous to drive.

This was the ONLY part of the story that i thought was terrible. Were you drinking? Because going to sleep at 6am then going into work and driving the kids home at 3:15 is mental. Tiredness is dangerous and you could of been over the limit if you had been drinking prior

PAFMO · 16/10/2022 21:30

extracttransformload · 16/10/2022 21:26

Is this plot of something I don't watch? And a parody?

I did wonder if there was going to be a totes hilaire reveal that this is the plot to some Shakespearean masterpiece given a postmodern industrial garage non binary waved hand vaguely towards other thingies I don't understand tweak.

But on reflection I'll go with bollocks.

PAFMO · 16/10/2022 21:31

Fucking formatting also gone loopy in manner of thread.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 16/10/2022 21:31

TimeAtTheBar · 16/10/2022 21:26

This is too weird. I’m off to bed. WILD.

🤣🤣

sandytooth · 16/10/2022 21:37

extracttransformload · 16/10/2022 21:26

Is this plot of something I don't watch? And a parody?

Is it the archers? Its usually the archers.

FennelAndOnions · 16/10/2022 21:42

So much completely irrelevant detail. Strange.

MountainChalet · 16/10/2022 21:46

FennelAndOnions · 16/10/2022 21:42

So much completely irrelevant detail. Strange.

My thoughts exactly

imannoyedattessa · 16/10/2022 21:57

What I find slightly irrelevant, fennel and onions, is everyone’s preoccupation with the whereabouts of my child the night I went out. She was with her father, if that is a satisfactory enough answer. Just because I have a child does not mean she needs to be tethered to me at all times, and I also slightly resent the implication here that by saying I’m a single mum means I’m not allowed to have the privilege of the dad being in the picture. The pizza toppings are not at all relevant, nor is the fact that my child likes manuka honey when she’s ill, but don’t they add a lovely bit of creative flair to the story?
‘the order’, some of you were quite concerned about this too) was obviously the dress I wore to the party. What else would it be?! im so flattered at the allusions to Shakespeare and ‘the archers’ (?? Not one I’ve heard of)
the children are fine
i didn’t crash the car and I didn’t lose my job
all is well
thanks ladies for your support and illuminating advice! Xxx

OP posts:
sandytooth · 16/10/2022 21:59

Wednesday night was a late one for me, an order arrived so I put on my new dress and went to a party. I didn’t go to bed until 6am! WILD. OH!! I seee I thought this was an order like for a delivery service you were offering!